3 ms·

Largely agreed, +1. However, a loosely related example: I think I have benefited quite a bit from never ever having seen neither of my parents drink vodka (asid

by marttt 3y ago

Largely agreed, +1. However, a loosely related example: I think I have benefited quite a bit from never ever having seen neither of my parents drink vodka (aside the traditional shot for the deceased at funerals). Because of this, it is easy for me to avoid the mental and physical addiction of alcohol altogether in my adult life. It just wasn't part of my childhood culture, period. Youtube algorithms and the most stupid smartphone games are obviously addictive, so it does make sense if parents step in with a well-considered "thou shalt not" at times. This is far from a perfect solution, but in the long run, it is very probably better than doing nothing at all. I've seen really horrible results of screen time overuse on a teen girl -- basically, a lively and clever 7yo developed into a 18yo with no social skills whatsoever, and the habit to even scroll her phone while brushing teeth! It's like decidedly putting away those candies when you sense your child has had too much for today. The same thing. No need to punish the child's brain and coping mechanisms for the parent's inability to... parent. Best solution, obviously, is simple parental role model: the entire family putting away smartphones for the evening. (In our case, for example, nobody in the family has a smartphone; only dumb phones here. So far, with our oldest child being 9yo, I don't notice this being a problem. He is clearly fine not having one.) I have also observed that careful explanations of what gaming or smartphones do to the child's brain also make a lot of sense. Our son is clearly interested in these effects, so he is always setting himself timers to limit his gaming. (Doesn't always follow them, but often, nonetheless, does; I think it is the purpose that counts, not 100% execution.) I think children need to see cause and effect of smartphone overuse already at early ages. They need to understand and feel that by reasonable, down-to-earth limiting, parents are actually protecting them and their brain.

hammyhavoc 3y ago
> I think I have benefited quite a bit from never ever having seen neither of my parents drink vodka Counterpoint: my partner's father was an alcoholic who abandoned her after her mother died and ended up homeless for two decades, her aunt was also an alcoholic. She didn't grow up to be an alcoholic and doesn't drink alcohol. I don't drink alcohol. Most adults are capable of managing themselves. > I've seen really horrible results of screen time overuse on a teen girl -- basically, a lively and clever 7yo developed into a 18yo with no social skills whatsoever, and the habit to even scroll her phone while brushing teeth! Could equally be undiagnosed autism and/or ADHD, which is infamously underdiagnosed in women.
- Freak_NL 3y ago
  > Most adults are capable of managing themselves. Yet having family who smoke leads to kids who take up smoking. It's not guaranteed on the individual level, but statistically very significant for the population. The same goes for domestic violence, excessive drinking, and, of course, smartphone use. Anecdotal observations of exceptions don't really make a counterpoint to the general (and well documented) trend.
  - hammyhavoc 3y ago
    Inhaling second-hand smoke is an entirely different mechanism of exposure than just witnessing something. I loved the smell and effect of my grandmother's Marlboro Reds, and I loved the smell and effect of my father's Golden Virginia tobacco. I'd shut the windows as a kid and teen and hotbox the room so I got some, and sure enough, I ended up smoking for many years. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/how-secondhand-smoke-affects-brain#:~:text=%E2%80%9CChronic%20or%20severe%20exposure%20could,increases%20vulnerability%20to%20nicotine%20addiction.%E2%80%9D https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/how-sec...
- pizza234 3y ago
  > Most adults are capable of managing themselves. Adults are children in first place, and children model themselves a lot from parents. There's certainly a significant randomness at play, and it's admirable when adults manage to deviate from problems of their parents, but exposure to them ultimately presents a high risk factor, if one wants to put in mathematical terms. Screen time is actually a very concrete problem in the context of parenting. There's again significant randomness at play (I myself grew up watching lots of TV), but at the end of the day - literally, what happened during a given day - the difference in educational quality between households with and without¹ screens, is night and day². ¹=with "without" I mean extremely limited quantities of screen (no tvs, no internet, not checking out smartphones etc.etc.). ²=there is certainly a spectrum of screen time content in terms of quality, but the vast majority is garbage.
pawelmurias 3y ago
> I think I have benefited quite a bit from never ever having seen neither of my parents drink vodka (aside the traditional shot for the deceased at funerals). Seeing your parents get drunk while partying and feel embarassed for them act ing stupid rather then it being super fun makes alcohol seem a lot less cooler.
ryandrake 3y ago
This is the tactic we are using: set a good example in front of our kid. If you don’t want your kid glued to phones and tablets, don’t be glued to phones and tablets yourself. I deliberately keep my phone off when the kid is around—don’t be seen using it. Set a positive example for her to follow. Lots of her friends are already addicted to phones, and if you go meet their parents, lo and behold, the parents are addicted too.
- bishopsmother 3y ago
  I doubt kids ever took much notice of smoking parents, with a cigarette in their mouth all day long, telling them they shouldn't smoke; first, heal thyself. It was that thought process that influenced my 'Monkey See, Monkey Do' cartoon.

by marttt 3y ago

hammyhavoc 3y ago

> I think I have benefited quite a bit from never ever having seen neither of my parents drink vodka Counterpoint: my partner's father was an alcoholic who abandoned her after her mother died and ended up homeless for two decades, her aunt was also an alcoholic. She didn't grow up to be an alcoholic and doesn't drink alcohol. I don't drink alcohol. Most adults are capable of managing themselves. > I've seen really horrible results of screen time overuse on a teen girl -- basically, a lively and clever 7yo developed into a 18yo with no social skills whatsoever, and the habit to even scroll her phone while brushing teeth! Could equally be undiagnosed autism and/or ADHD, which is infamously underdiagnosed in women.

Freak_NL 3y ago
> Most adults are capable of managing themselves. Yet having family who smoke leads to kids who take up smoking. It's not guaranteed on the individual level, but statistically very significant for the population. The same goes for domestic violence, excessive drinking, and, of course, smartphone use. Anecdotal observations of exceptions don't really make a counterpoint to the general (and well documented) trend.
- hammyhavoc 3y ago
  Inhaling second-hand smoke is an entirely different mechanism of exposure than just witnessing something. I loved the smell and effect of my grandmother's Marlboro Reds, and I loved the smell and effect of my father's Golden Virginia tobacco. I'd shut the windows as a kid and teen and hotbox the room so I got some, and sure enough, I ended up smoking for many years. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/how-secondhand-smoke-affects-brain#:~:text=%E2%80%9CChronic%20or%20severe%20exposure%20could,increases%20vulnerability%20to%20nicotine%20addiction.%E2%80%9D https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/how-sec...
pizza234 3y ago
> Most adults are capable of managing themselves. Adults are children in first place, and children model themselves a lot from parents. There's certainly a significant randomness at play, and it's admirable when adults manage to deviate from problems of their parents, but exposure to them ultimately presents a high risk factor, if one wants to put in mathematical terms. Screen time is actually a very concrete problem in the context of parenting. There's again significant randomness at play (I myself grew up watching lots of TV), but at the end of the day - literally, what happened during a given day - the difference in educational quality between households with and without¹ screens, is night and day². ¹=with "without" I mean extremely limited quantities of screen (no tvs, no internet, not checking out smartphones etc.etc.). ²=there is certainly a spectrum of screen time content in terms of quality, but the vast majority is garbage.

pawelmurias 3y ago

> I think I have benefited quite a bit from never ever having seen neither of my parents drink vodka (aside the traditional shot for the deceased at funerals). Seeing your parents get drunk while partying and feel embarassed for them act ing stupid rather then it being super fun makes alcohol seem a lot less cooler.

ryandrake 3y ago

This is the tactic we are using: set a good example in front of our kid. If you don’t want your kid glued to phones and tablets, don’t be glued to phones and tablets yourself. I deliberately keep my phone off when the kid is around—don’t be seen using it. Set a positive example for her to follow. Lots of her friends are already addicted to phones, and if you go meet their parents, lo and behold, the parents are addicted too.

bishopsmother 3y ago
I doubt kids ever took much notice of smoking parents, with a cigarette in their mouth all day long, telling them they shouldn't smoke; first, heal thyself. It was that thought process that influenced my 'Monkey See, Monkey Do' cartoon.