I can tell from direct experience that most - if not all - individual contributors (from junior to senior+) at nearly ALL major solution providers are frantical

I can tell from direct experience that most - if not all - individual contributors (from junior to senior+) at nearly ALL major solution providers are frantically searching on Stack Overflow and GitHub every day to solve the problem at hand, and most likely recently even switched to tools like Copilot just to keep up. Because most if not all people at the managerial level (or up) don't give a shit about how much knowledge at hand you have, as long as you are able to hit the agreed milestones, so that the project gets delivered on time and they get their bonuses. Hell, most of them don't even give a shit how terrible the delivered codebase looks, especially if the poor customer decided not to sign a (very expensive) support contract. In other words: Don't be so hard on yourself. To me Tech is all about being curious, learning new things while coding and designing, being the best you can, and having fun while making worthwhile stuff. If you don't feel like you have that particular mindset, maybe its time to explore what is fun and worthwhile for you