Part of this normative coupling of "number one" is incorrectly weighting sex as the most important (or even a top 3 thing in our life)[1]. Tim Keller (whom rec

Part of this normative coupling of "number one" is incorrectly weighting sex as the most important (or even a top 3 thing in our life)[1]. Tim Keller (whom recently passed away) wrote an excellent book "The meaning of marriage" in which he points out that one of the primary functions of such an intimate relationship is to have a safe space/mirror to discover ones flaws (our own, not our partners). The bonding mechanisms of sexuality can make it so that we can have that level of vulnerability (we're bonded are less likely to leave, and less likely to be rational / play political games). It's a religious book and uses the word sin, but I think it's fairly secularly compatible if you can simply read it through the lens of "Sin" meaning "Stuff about me that sucks" ... If you think you have none, then humility is the thing you lack. [1] I'd say health, purpose, and emotionally supportive community (or for some, "family") are more important than having "good" sex, or even sex at all.