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> can see this path in life leading to some new close friendships with the possibility of closer partnerships ahead. Just a few more pulls and the big payout w

> can see this path in life leading to some new close friendships with the possibility of closer partnerships ahead. Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. > thought the same thing when I was younger but now I'm in the prime of my dating and casual sex life. I had a very charismatic friend who ended up in this situation of being a sex partner to 4-5 very attractive women in this sort of poly relationship thing. Just like the first time you go to the bar and it's full of alcohol and people, it was fun. Genuinely good looking women and he just had to have sex or sometimes fun adventures with them. None of the "gunk" of relationships, none of the work. Well that fun doesn't last very long. Pandemic happened, everyone isolated and went to their "nesting" mate and uh.. it wasn't him. He wasn't anyone's #1. He was just a convenient sex toy who bought dinner. He still isn't anyone's #1.

thomastjeffery 3y ago
> Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. You sound like someone who has won at gambling. Your success is not the only possible or valid path. What you have shared may be wise advice, but advice itself is never a guarantee.
- uoaei 3y ago
  The age-old adage "luck is preparation plus opportunity" is relevant here. I decided a while ago to be better at being with people, and started preparing myself toward that goal. It's taken a while but I'm doing well now. Also I've set myself up for success by living in a place that attracts and fosters the kinds of folks I like to spend time with -- this is really super important, people aren't the same everywhere you go. Then as summer began coming on this year and people seem to have dropped all those pandemic-time idiosyncracies I've been giving myself ample opportunity to mix with extended friend groups and random meetups (mostly bike rides and races in my case) to great benefit for everyone involved.
  - thomastjeffery 3y ago
    My point is that I'm not worried about winning or losing the lottery. I'm not playing. I'm not missing out, either. The expectation is that I'm filling a void with casual relationships; and that that void is a single committed romance. I never had that void to begin with. I sincerely am fulfilled by uncommitted relationships. They aren't casual to me: they are as serious and meaningful to me as monogamous partnership is to my parents. The most important part to me is empathy. I crave new ideas and perspectives: I get them by empathizing with more people.
    - uoaei 3y ago
      The way the previous comment came across to me was as from a cynical incel type rather than a more reasoned MGTOW-adjacent approach, sorry for the misunderstanding.
      - thomastjeffery 3y ago
        This is the failure of threads: we section ourselves off into pairs, but each of us is still listening to the room.
uoaei 3y ago
Casual sex can mean multiple things, I suppose, from one-night-stands to consistent fuck-buddies/FWB situations. I tend toward the latter, because I'm picky and it's hard for me to get involved with someone I don't have a deeper connection with.

thomastjeffery 3y ago

> Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. You sound like someone who has won at gambling. Your success is not the only possible or valid path. What you have shared may be wise advice, but advice itself is never a guarantee.

uoaei 3y ago
The age-old adage "luck is preparation plus opportunity" is relevant here. I decided a while ago to be better at being with people, and started preparing myself toward that goal. It's taken a while but I'm doing well now. Also I've set myself up for success by living in a place that attracts and fosters the kinds of folks I like to spend time with -- this is really super important, people aren't the same everywhere you go. Then as summer began coming on this year and people seem to have dropped all those pandemic-time idiosyncracies I've been giving myself ample opportunity to mix with extended friend groups and random meetups (mostly bike rides and races in my case) to great benefit for everyone involved.
- thomastjeffery 3y ago
  My point is that I'm not worried about winning or losing the lottery. I'm not playing. I'm not missing out, either. The expectation is that I'm filling a void with casual relationships; and that that void is a single committed romance. I never had that void to begin with. I sincerely am fulfilled by uncommitted relationships. They aren't casual to me: they are as serious and meaningful to me as monogamous partnership is to my parents. The most important part to me is empathy. I crave new ideas and perspectives: I get them by empathizing with more people.
  - uoaei 3y ago
    The way the previous comment came across to me was as from a cynical incel type rather than a more reasoned MGTOW-adjacent approach, sorry for the misunderstanding.
    - thomastjeffery 3y ago
      This is the failure of threads: we section ourselves off into pairs, but each of us is still listening to the room.

uoaei 3y ago

Casual sex can mean multiple things, I suppose, from one-night-stands to consistent fuck-buddies/FWB situations. I tend toward the latter, because I'm picky and it's hard for me to get involved with someone I don't have a deeper connection with.