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you can participate in a close friendship and casual sex. You can have several of each. The casual sex "choice" doesn't apply to the majority of adults (most

you can participate in a close friendship and casual sex. You can have several of each. The casual sex "choice" doesn't apply to the majority of adults (most straight men don't have the option of multiple sex partners, most women don't want them) so it's difficult to see its relevance here. If you mean throughout their life rather than concurrently, that doesn't really affect the idea that marriage itself is of special significance.

uoaei 3y ago
You'd be surprised what happens when you are kind and a good communicator with a healthy social life. I thought the same thing when I was younger but now I'm in the prime of my dating and casual sex life. I try not to hold tightly to expectations but can see this path in life leading to some new close friendships with the possibility of closer partnerships ahead. The trick is to prioritize the people around you, rather than material gains for yourself.
- vorpalhex 3y ago
  > can see this path in life leading to some new close friendships with the possibility of closer partnerships ahead. Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. > thought the same thing when I was younger but now I'm in the prime of my dating and casual sex life. I had a very charismatic friend who ended up in this situation of being a sex partner to 4-5 very attractive women in this sort of poly relationship thing. Just like the first time you go to the bar and it's full of alcohol and people, it was fun. Genuinely good looking women and he just had to have sex or sometimes fun adventures with them. None of the "gunk" of relationships, none of the work. Well that fun doesn't last very long. Pandemic happened, everyone isolated and went to their "nesting" mate and uh.. it wasn't him. He wasn't anyone's #1. He was just a convenient sex toy who bought dinner. He still isn't anyone's #1.
  - thomastjeffery 3y ago
    > Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. You sound like someone who has won at gambling. Your success is not the only possible or valid path. What you have shared may be wise advice, but advice itself is never a guarantee.
    - uoaei 3y ago
      The age-old adage "luck is preparation plus opportunity" is relevant here. I decided a while ago to be better at being with people, and started preparing myself toward that goal. It's taken a while but I'm doing well now. Also I've set myself up for success by living in a place that attracts and fosters the kinds of folks I like to spend time with -- this is really super important, people aren't the same everywhere you go. Then as summer began coming on this year and people seem to have dropped all those pandemic-time idiosyncracies I've been giving myself ample opportunity to mix with extended friend groups and random meetups (mostly bike rides and races in my case) to great benefit for everyone involved.
      - thomastjeffery 3y ago
        My point is that I'm not worried about winning or losing the lottery. I'm not playing. I'm not missing out, either. The expectation is that I'm filling a void with casual relationships; and that that void is a single committed romance. I never had that void to begin with. I sincerely am fulfilled by uncommitted relationships. They aren't casual to me: they are as serious and meaningful to me as monogamous partnership is to my parents. The most important part to me is empathy. I crave new ideas and perspectives: I get them by empathizing with more people.
        uoaei 3y ago
        The way the previous comment came across to me was as from a cynical incel type rather than a more reasoned MGTOW-adjacent approach, sorry for the misunderstanding.
thomastjeffery 3y ago
> The casual sex "choice" doesn't apply to the majority of adults (most straight men don't have the option of multiple sex partners, most women don't want them) so it's difficult to see its relevance here. How much of that is social expectation? I can see the circular reasoning here: can I get out? That is a challenge. Social expectations set boundaries: changing those boundaries takes a lot of work. It's still possible, though. To me, it's worth the effort.
- medo-bear 3y ago
  there are plenty of societal pressures against family life. and societal expectations are against faith and trust in the other person
  - thomastjeffery 3y ago
    > societal expectations are against faith and trust in the other person That implies a need for faith and trust in a person. Where does is that need come from? Committed romance. If that isn't my goal, what do I have to fear?
    - medo-bear 3y ago
      i believe that need is an intrinsicaly human need
      - thomastjeffery 3y ago
        And I don't. Have you considered my position, or did you just want to express your own?
        medo-bear 3y ago
        hard to argue with a guy who thinks he is socrates
        3y ago

uoaei 3y ago

You'd be surprised what happens when you are kind and a good communicator with a healthy social life. I thought the same thing when I was younger but now I'm in the prime of my dating and casual sex life. I try not to hold tightly to expectations but can see this path in life leading to some new close friendships with the possibility of closer partnerships ahead. The trick is to prioritize the people around you, rather than material gains for yourself.

vorpalhex 3y ago
> can see this path in life leading to some new close friendships with the possibility of closer partnerships ahead. Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. > thought the same thing when I was younger but now I'm in the prime of my dating and casual sex life. I had a very charismatic friend who ended up in this situation of being a sex partner to 4-5 very attractive women in this sort of poly relationship thing. Just like the first time you go to the bar and it's full of alcohol and people, it was fun. Genuinely good looking women and he just had to have sex or sometimes fun adventures with them. None of the "gunk" of relationships, none of the work. Well that fun doesn't last very long. Pandemic happened, everyone isolated and went to their "nesting" mate and uh.. it wasn't him. He wasn't anyone's #1. He was just a convenient sex toy who bought dinner. He still isn't anyone's #1.
- thomastjeffery 3y ago
  > Just a few more pulls and the big payout will come. You've spent so many quarters on the slot machine, it'll definitely pay out at any moment. You sound like someone who has won at gambling. Your success is not the only possible or valid path. What you have shared may be wise advice, but advice itself is never a guarantee.
  - uoaei 3y ago
    The age-old adage "luck is preparation plus opportunity" is relevant here. I decided a while ago to be better at being with people, and started preparing myself toward that goal. It's taken a while but I'm doing well now. Also I've set myself up for success by living in a place that attracts and fosters the kinds of folks I like to spend time with -- this is really super important, people aren't the same everywhere you go. Then as summer began coming on this year and people seem to have dropped all those pandemic-time idiosyncracies I've been giving myself ample opportunity to mix with extended friend groups and random meetups (mostly bike rides and races in my case) to great benefit for everyone involved.
    - thomastjeffery 3y ago
      My point is that I'm not worried about winning or losing the lottery. I'm not playing. I'm not missing out, either. The expectation is that I'm filling a void with casual relationships; and that that void is a single committed romance. I never had that void to begin with. I sincerely am fulfilled by uncommitted relationships. They aren't casual to me: they are as serious and meaningful to me as monogamous partnership is to my parents. The most important part to me is empathy. I crave new ideas and perspectives: I get them by empathizing with more people.
      - uoaei 3y ago
        The way the previous comment came across to me was as from a cynical incel type rather than a more reasoned MGTOW-adjacent approach, sorry for the misunderstanding.

thomastjeffery 3y ago

> The casual sex "choice" doesn't apply to the majority of adults (most straight men don't have the option of multiple sex partners, most women don't want them) so it's difficult to see its relevance here. How much of that is social expectation? I can see the circular reasoning here: can I get out? That is a challenge. Social expectations set boundaries: changing those boundaries takes a lot of work. It's still possible, though. To me, it's worth the effort.

medo-bear 3y ago
there are plenty of societal pressures against family life. and societal expectations are against faith and trust in the other person
- thomastjeffery 3y ago
  > societal expectations are against faith and trust in the other person That implies a need for faith and trust in a person. Where does is that need come from? Committed romance. If that isn't my goal, what do I have to fear?
  - medo-bear 3y ago
    i believe that need is an intrinsicaly human need
    - thomastjeffery 3y ago
      And I don't. Have you considered my position, or did you just want to express your own?
      - medo-bear 3y ago
        hard to argue with a guy who thinks he is socrates
        3y ago