3 ms·

It was one of the scariest vehicle incidents I’ve been in (thankfully). She really shouldn’t be driving; she seems almost senile to me, but her kids and husband

It was one of the scariest vehicle incidents I’ve been in (thankfully). She really shouldn’t be driving; she seems almost senile to me, but her kids and husband are determined to pretend nothing is going on. She lives full time in Mexico so there’s not a lot I can do other than be grateful for that buffer.

jacquesm 3y ago
I once was in the car with an American friend who was looking sideways while talking to me and would then swerve around cars in front at the last moment. Very annoying and quite scary. I asked him to stop the car and got out. There is no way I'll trust my life to someone who isn't 100% on the ball when it comes to driving. Good for you you did not end up in an accident there, and it must really suck that you are essentially powerless to do something about it given the family relationship. But, at least one very positive story about automatic emergency braking. I think such features are quite possibly a net positive from a statistical perspective but for me personally they are a no-go.
- steve_adams_86 3y ago
  > essentially powerless to do something about it given the family relationship Yeah, the fallout of telling a person they can’t drive is unreal. It took a couple years to go from incredulity towards me to finally accepting that I’m not joking/grumpy/changing my mind. Some bad driving is so egregiously bad though that it can’t be chalked up as a lapse of judgement or something. There is a strange sort of entitlement to recklessness like you described (why in the world would you take your eyes off the road to talk!?), and we seem to take for granted the fact that we’re still alive despite flying around in metal boxes within feet of each other. I think some especially bad drivers are severely influenced by survivorship bias. They’re not dead yet so they must be fine/good at driving and different from the people who’ve had bad accidents already. But they’re only protected by very bad odds.
  - jacquesm 3y ago
    I have a similar situation with an 87 year old family member that still drives and I've offered to be on call for chauffeur service or to pay for cabs or whatever it takes but they will keep doing it until they either die from other causes or get into an accident, which in my opinion is only a matter of time. So far I've managed to get them to rely on me for two really long rides and at least they no longer go on the highway. Highly frustrating because on the one hand I applaud the person for being that old and still self-reliant but on the other hand I am seriously concerned about other users of the road who are effectively in danger. And short of having them declared legally incompetent there isn't much that I can do beyond offer help.
    - chubs 3y ago
      Sorry to hear about that situation :( Here’s how it played out in my grandmothers life: she was fiercely independent until she (likely) caused a crash in her late 80s, ended up in hospital, then was never properly healthy again, she spiralled down gradually. It’s just not good :( hope that doesn’t upset you.
      - jacquesm 3y ago
        It doesn't upset me and that's exactly what I think may well happen because it has happened like that many times before with other people.
    - sroussey 3y ago
      My father is 87 and drives well. He is cognizant of his age and tries to only drive during the day and relatively short distances (I like 90min away and he is not visiting). My fear is that if there is a decline that I won’t see it, and at 87 he isn’t interested in a new car with more safety features.
      - tm-guimaraes 3y ago
        > and at 87 he isn’t interested in a new car with more safety features. The safety features of a new car might not offset the safety of the muscle memory of driving the old car. At that age and with declining capabilities, the "usual" might actually be safer than "safer but different". Since he seems mindful of his declining capabilities (he is restricting when and by how much he drives), i wouldn't worry too much, he would most likely stop driving on his own, just keep checking him.

jacquesm 3y ago

I once was in the car with an American friend who was looking sideways while talking to me and would then swerve around cars in front at the last moment. Very annoying and quite scary. I asked him to stop the car and got out. There is no way I'll trust my life to someone who isn't 100% on the ball when it comes to driving. Good for you you did not end up in an accident there, and it must really suck that you are essentially powerless to do something about it given the family relationship. But, at least one very positive story about automatic emergency braking. I think such features are quite possibly a net positive from a statistical perspective but for me personally they are a no-go.

steve_adams_86 3y ago
> essentially powerless to do something about it given the family relationship Yeah, the fallout of telling a person they can’t drive is unreal. It took a couple years to go from incredulity towards me to finally accepting that I’m not joking/grumpy/changing my mind. Some bad driving is so egregiously bad though that it can’t be chalked up as a lapse of judgement or something. There is a strange sort of entitlement to recklessness like you described (why in the world would you take your eyes off the road to talk!?), and we seem to take for granted the fact that we’re still alive despite flying around in metal boxes within feet of each other. I think some especially bad drivers are severely influenced by survivorship bias. They’re not dead yet so they must be fine/good at driving and different from the people who’ve had bad accidents already. But they’re only protected by very bad odds.
- jacquesm 3y ago
  I have a similar situation with an 87 year old family member that still drives and I've offered to be on call for chauffeur service or to pay for cabs or whatever it takes but they will keep doing it until they either die from other causes or get into an accident, which in my opinion is only a matter of time. So far I've managed to get them to rely on me for two really long rides and at least they no longer go on the highway. Highly frustrating because on the one hand I applaud the person for being that old and still self-reliant but on the other hand I am seriously concerned about other users of the road who are effectively in danger. And short of having them declared legally incompetent there isn't much that I can do beyond offer help.
  - chubs 3y ago
    Sorry to hear about that situation :( Here’s how it played out in my grandmothers life: she was fiercely independent until she (likely) caused a crash in her late 80s, ended up in hospital, then was never properly healthy again, she spiralled down gradually. It’s just not good :( hope that doesn’t upset you.
    - jacquesm 3y ago
      It doesn't upset me and that's exactly what I think may well happen because it has happened like that many times before with other people.
  - sroussey 3y ago
    My father is 87 and drives well. He is cognizant of his age and tries to only drive during the day and relatively short distances (I like 90min away and he is not visiting). My fear is that if there is a decline that I won’t see it, and at 87 he isn’t interested in a new car with more safety features.
    - tm-guimaraes 3y ago
      > and at 87 he isn’t interested in a new car with more safety features. The safety features of a new car might not offset the safety of the muscle memory of driving the old car. At that age and with declining capabilities, the "usual" might actually be safer than "safer but different". Since he seems mindful of his declining capabilities (he is restricting when and by how much he drives), i wouldn't worry too much, he would most likely stop driving on his own, just keep checking him.