4 ms·

I never thought marriage was at the center of life, and I'm a bit surprised to think some people think that way. In my book marriage is a contract whose main pu

by forty 3y ago

I never thought marriage was at the center of life, and I'm a bit surprised to think some people think that way. In my book marriage is a contract whose main purpose is to agree on what will happen when the spouse divorce (which happens for more than 45% of marriages in my country, and growing). It's not clear to me why it should be a the center of anything, and of life especially. Friendship on the other hand feels important.

cm2012 3y ago
That's such a weird way of thinking to me. I'm not saying you're wrong, it's just super alien.
- forty 3y ago
  I understand, that's kind of my feeling from the other point of view too. I guess it's complicated stuff, probably often very linked to spiritual and/or religious beliefs too, so it's probably hard to really understand how others are feeling about it if you are not thinking similarly.
emodendroket 3y ago
If I were thinking about moving (as I’ve done a few times since marriage) my wife and my kid would be coming along and nobody else would. So it seems pretty natural.
- forty 3y ago
  You can live together with someone, have kids and move with your kids without marriage, those things seem orthogonal to me.
  - emodendroket 3y ago
    In this case let’s consider “marriage” a stand-in for “committed, long-term romantic relationship between two people” since that’s really what’s being compared throughout the discussion.
    - forty 3y ago
      Still, I don't have a very hard time imagining living alone (even though I'm in what we have just decided to consider "marriage" and we have kids), that seems a perfectly fine life to me, which would have also a center, which marriage would not be, even with this definition. Even in my situation, I would argue that the kids are more in the center than our relationship, as our parent-kids relationship is inalienable and forever, unlike our relationship with each other, which will last only while we are both happy about it.
      - emodendroket 3y ago
        Yes, but notice you have to imagine yourself single for this other reality to make sense.

by forty 3y ago

cm2012 3y ago

That's such a weird way of thinking to me. I'm not saying you're wrong, it's just super alien.

forty 3y ago
I understand, that's kind of my feeling from the other point of view too. I guess it's complicated stuff, probably often very linked to spiritual and/or religious beliefs too, so it's probably hard to really understand how others are feeling about it if you are not thinking similarly.

emodendroket 3y ago

If I were thinking about moving (as I’ve done a few times since marriage) my wife and my kid would be coming along and nobody else would. So it seems pretty natural.

forty 3y ago
You can live together with someone, have kids and move with your kids without marriage, those things seem orthogonal to me.
- emodendroket 3y ago
  In this case let’s consider “marriage” a stand-in for “committed, long-term romantic relationship between two people” since that’s really what’s being compared throughout the discussion.
  - forty 3y ago
    Still, I don't have a very hard time imagining living alone (even though I'm in what we have just decided to consider "marriage" and we have kids), that seems a perfectly fine life to me, which would have also a center, which marriage would not be, even with this definition. Even in my situation, I would argue that the kids are more in the center than our relationship, as our parent-kids relationship is inalienable and forever, unlike our relationship with each other, which will last only while we are both happy about it.
    - emodendroket 3y ago
      Yes, but notice you have to imagine yourself single for this other reality to make sense.