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Kids are the center of your life. They are a lot easier (especially during the younger ages) to raise with a committed partner.

saiya-jin 3y ago
So true, but I had to actually go over the process to fully realize this. They take over everything in life, work, hobbies, passions, sleep. Its so god damned hard to raise them, yet extremely rewarding. There is really me before kids and a different person afterwards, envying the previous guy all the freedom and cool stuff he did, but not really wanting to switch place. The thing is, they eventually leave the life to forge their own path, maybe a bit and maybe almost completely moving away, while partner and friends are for longer and closer.
bombcar 3y ago
This is so true that people who do not have kids cannot understand how much it affects every aspect of your life; if your friends are not also in the settling down and having kids portion of their life, you will inevitably drift apart (not saying you won't remain friends, but you will go from not having to work at it to having to consciously schedule "play dates" if you will). And you will find you have new friends unrelated to your interests and driven by your children; because you will be at the park watching them play with their friends and end up being friendly with the other parents.
stef25 3y ago
Ha ... recently single with two young kids. I find it actually easier to raise them (admittedly only every other week). No more arguments about "who's turn is it to put them in bed", "why do I always have to do this" etc ... They may seem like simple questions that can easily be answered but it's really quite complex: "Had a tough day at work, could you do it?", which leads to score keeping and different views on what's a "tough" day. Now I know I have to do 100% of it. I prefer that than to argue about it, clash over differences on how kids should be raised etc Honestly, the way average people with an otherwise good life have to pay 150$ an hour to a therapist to help them sort out who's turn it is to do the laundry is nothing short of depressing. Try explain that to say, a rice farmer in Vietnam. And yeah, it's not actually about the laundry but a power play between the mom & dad but that doesn't make it less depressing and certainly not easier to solve.
- ff317 3y ago
  As they age, you're going to find a whole different level of arguing about how to raise kids on an every-other-week rotation with conflicting influences/decisions. Trust me, I've seen it. It can work, but you're gonna need to put in some work on the relationship with the other parent to get through it and find decent compromises.
  - stef25 3y ago
    Respectfully, the last thing I'm going to do is put in work with my ex wife. When the kids are with me I'll do whatever I want. Those types of discussions are one of the reasons why we're no longer together.
    - senko 3y ago
      You're going to love it when the kids reach puberty.
      - stef25 3y ago
        Yeah, I believe you :) I'll with that in 10 years.
      - DamonHD 3y ago
        I don't understand all this drama. My kids have reached teenage without many horrors or fights between any of us, and I think that we're all pretty normal.
        emodendroket 3y ago
        Seems like a different situation if Mom and Dad are not on the same page and completely unwilling to cooperate with each other.
        DamonHD 3y ago
        That seems to be a mum and dad problem though, the kids may merely be collateral...
thomastjeffery 3y ago
You are talking past me. Kids are not the center of my life. We all have our own interests and goals. That includes kids, too. Get used to it.

saiya-jin 3y ago

So true, but I had to actually go over the process to fully realize this. They take over everything in life, work, hobbies, passions, sleep. Its so god damned hard to raise them, yet extremely rewarding. There is really me before kids and a different person afterwards, envying the previous guy all the freedom and cool stuff he did, but not really wanting to switch place. The thing is, they eventually leave the life to forge their own path, maybe a bit and maybe almost completely moving away, while partner and friends are for longer and closer.

bombcar 3y ago

This is so true that people who do not have kids cannot understand how much it affects every aspect of your life; if your friends are not also in the settling down and having kids portion of their life, you will inevitably drift apart (not saying you won't remain friends, but you will go from not having to work at it to having to consciously schedule "play dates" if you will). And you will find you have new friends unrelated to your interests and driven by your children; because you will be at the park watching them play with their friends and end up being friendly with the other parents.

stef25 3y ago

Ha ... recently single with two young kids. I find it actually easier to raise them (admittedly only every other week). No more arguments about "who's turn is it to put them in bed", "why do I always have to do this" etc ... They may seem like simple questions that can easily be answered but it's really quite complex: "Had a tough day at work, could you do it?", which leads to score keeping and different views on what's a "tough" day. Now I know I have to do 100% of it. I prefer that than to argue about it, clash over differences on how kids should be raised etc Honestly, the way average people with an otherwise good life have to pay 150$ an hour to a therapist to help them sort out who's turn it is to do the laundry is nothing short of depressing. Try explain that to say, a rice farmer in Vietnam. And yeah, it's not actually about the laundry but a power play between the mom & dad but that doesn't make it less depressing and certainly not easier to solve.

ff317 3y ago
As they age, you're going to find a whole different level of arguing about how to raise kids on an every-other-week rotation with conflicting influences/decisions. Trust me, I've seen it. It can work, but you're gonna need to put in some work on the relationship with the other parent to get through it and find decent compromises.
- stef25 3y ago
  Respectfully, the last thing I'm going to do is put in work with my ex wife. When the kids are with me I'll do whatever I want. Those types of discussions are one of the reasons why we're no longer together.
  - senko 3y ago
    You're going to love it when the kids reach puberty.
    - stef25 3y ago
      Yeah, I believe you :) I'll with that in 10 years.
    - DamonHD 3y ago
      I don't understand all this drama. My kids have reached teenage without many horrors or fights between any of us, and I think that we're all pretty normal.
      - emodendroket 3y ago
        Seems like a different situation if Mom and Dad are not on the same page and completely unwilling to cooperate with each other.
        DamonHD 3y ago
        That seems to be a mum and dad problem though, the kids may merely be collateral...

thomastjeffery 3y ago

You are talking past me. Kids are not the center of my life. We all have our own interests and goals. That includes kids, too. Get used to it.