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I don't understand this "be my true friend or screw you" advice that is repeatedly given here. I have people in my life like a guy from Barcelona I used to work

I don't understand this "be my true friend or screw you" advice that is repeatedly given here. I have people in my life like a guy from Barcelona I used to work with 20 years ago, or a cool couple I've met in Istanbul. They are not my BFFs at all, but it's very nice to see what they are up to, what their life is like in those cities, occasionally like and comment, and hang out in person once I return to those cities. Is that bad? Am I supposed to call them on the phone to get a verbal update on their life, or they are not my "true friends"? Have 1:1 sessions in Signal to discuss what exactly? Their Facebook photos? Spoken by someone who is extremely repulsed by the current Facebook/Insta, but it was a very unique and useful tool in my life.

lapcat 3y ago
> I don't understand this "be my true friend or screw you" advice that is repeatedly given here. That wasn't the advice. The advice is that if you want to maintain a relationship with someone, make a little effort to do so. Social media has made people ultra-lazy. > Am I supposed to call them on the phone to get a verbal update on their life, or they are not my "true friends"? Have 1:1 sessions in Signal to discuss what exactly? Their Facebook photos? I mentioned email, but your reply mentions everything except email. Anyway, as far as what you're supposed to discuss, yes, you'll want to get an update on their life. "Hi, wondering how you've been. What's new with you?" Not that difficult. It's almost as if social media has created learned helplessness, and we've forgotten how to be human.
- FalconSensei 3y ago
  > That wasn't the advice. The advice is that if you want to maintain a relationship with someone, make a little effort to do so. Social media has made people ultra-lazy. exactly. Today people won't even comment on something, ask you something. They just see the posts/stories, or at max, click 'like' or one of the reactions. You don't need to communicate every day or write long essays, but leaving a comment on a photo, or asking "did you like it?" if a friend post that they were watching a movie/etc, is not a lot of effort.
- signatoremo 3y ago
  What if they didn’t give out email in the first place? What if they came back a few months later with “we’re good. Didn’t check email for a while. Can you use FB instead?” The point is you shouldn’t dictate how someone you are interested in staying in touch to use certain tools.
  - lapcat 3y ago
    > What if they didn’t give out email in the first place? Ask for it? > What if they came back a few months later with “we’re good. Didn’t check email for a while. Can you use FB instead?” I'm not going to play hypotheticals. You can imagine a possible worst case scenario for anything. Confront that problem if it occurs, but what if it doesn't occur? You seem to be arguing that someone shouldn't even bother trying to leave social media, because there's a small chance that something inconvenient might happen. It's fatalistic and defeatist.

lapcat 3y ago

> I don't understand this "be my true friend or screw you" advice that is repeatedly given here. That wasn't the advice. The advice is that if you want to maintain a relationship with someone, make a little effort to do so. Social media has made people ultra-lazy. > Am I supposed to call them on the phone to get a verbal update on their life, or they are not my "true friends"? Have 1:1 sessions in Signal to discuss what exactly? Their Facebook photos? I mentioned email, but your reply mentions everything except email. Anyway, as far as what you're supposed to discuss, yes, you'll want to get an update on their life. "Hi, wondering how you've been. What's new with you?" Not that difficult. It's almost as if social media has created learned helplessness, and we've forgotten how to be human.

FalconSensei 3y ago
> That wasn't the advice. The advice is that if you want to maintain a relationship with someone, make a little effort to do so. Social media has made people ultra-lazy. exactly. Today people won't even comment on something, ask you something. They just see the posts/stories, or at max, click 'like' or one of the reactions. You don't need to communicate every day or write long essays, but leaving a comment on a photo, or asking "did you like it?" if a friend post that they were watching a movie/etc, is not a lot of effort.
signatoremo 3y ago
What if they didn’t give out email in the first place? What if they came back a few months later with “we’re good. Didn’t check email for a while. Can you use FB instead?” The point is you shouldn’t dictate how someone you are interested in staying in touch to use certain tools.
- lapcat 3y ago
  > What if they didn’t give out email in the first place? Ask for it? > What if they came back a few months later with “we’re good. Didn’t check email for a while. Can you use FB instead?” I'm not going to play hypotheticals. You can imagine a possible worst case scenario for anything. Confront that problem if it occurs, but what if it doesn't occur? You seem to be arguing that someone shouldn't even bother trying to leave social media, because there's a small chance that something inconvenient might happen. It's fatalistic and defeatist.