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> In one experiment, people gave impromptu speeches on controversial topics in front of a friend who offered feedback. Unbeknown to the participants, the resear

> In one experiment, people gave impromptu speeches on controversial topics in front of a friend who offered feedback. Unbeknown to the participants, the researchers had randomly assigned the friend to give ambivalent or negative comments. Receiving mixed feedback caused higher blood pressure than pure criticism. “I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine” proved to be more distressing than “I totally disagree with everything you’ve said.” I can’t read the actual study, but this description makes it seem like the ambivalent feedback case is the growth opportunity. “That was great” and “that was completely terrible” aren’t really actionable feedback, but “that was decent but I would change this” is helpful. Maybe helpful advice is more stressful because it is a chance to change and grow and those are stressful activities? So maybe if we want to push ourselves, we need more frenemies? Put another way, should going through life with the minimal possible stress be the goal?

Delk 3y ago
I don't think "I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine" is a growth opportunity. It just has something of an ambiguously negative vibe without actually saying what it's about, while also kind of saying something superficially positive without making it easy to tell if it's genuine. That kind of ambivalence can be mentally disorienting. Also, if you're consistently not on the same page with someone, or are even consistently in bad terms with them, you tend to keep some distance at least emotionally. If you are, on the other hand, (mostly) consistently on good terms with someone and end up being closer, most of the interaction is probably going to be positive -- even if that sometimes includes constructive criticism. (Good constructive criticism is probably not really ambivalent either; there might be clear good and clear bad things, with an overall feeling of both people having the other's best interest in mind.) Either way, you know what to expect: you can protect yourself from negativity by keeping your distance, or you can expect mostly positive experiences with someone who you let closer. Inconsistently positive and negative means you don't know whether to keep your guard up or down.
- richk449 3y ago
  > I don't think "I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine" is a growth opportunity. It just has something of an ambiguously negative vibe without actually saying what it's about, while also kind of saying something superficially positive without making it easy to tell if it's genuine. Totally fair point. If that was the entirety of the feedback then it isn’t helpful at all. I was assuming that it was the topic sentence and followed by specifics. I wish I could see the actual study, rather than a two sentence interpretation of it.
sdwr 3y ago
The devil is in the details!

Delk 3y ago

I don't think "I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine" is a growth opportunity. It just has something of an ambiguously negative vibe without actually saying what it's about, while also kind of saying something superficially positive without making it easy to tell if it's genuine. That kind of ambivalence can be mentally disorienting. Also, if you're consistently not on the same page with someone, or are even consistently in bad terms with them, you tend to keep some distance at least emotionally. If you are, on the other hand, (mostly) consistently on good terms with someone and end up being closer, most of the interaction is probably going to be positive -- even if that sometimes includes constructive criticism. (Good constructive criticism is probably not really ambivalent either; there might be clear good and clear bad things, with an overall feeling of both people having the other's best interest in mind.) Either way, you know what to expect: you can protect yourself from negativity by keeping your distance, or you can expect mostly positive experiences with someone who you let closer. Inconsistently positive and negative means you don't know whether to keep your guard up or down.

richk449 3y ago
> I don't think "I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine" is a growth opportunity. It just has something of an ambiguously negative vibe without actually saying what it's about, while also kind of saying something superficially positive without making it easy to tell if it's genuine. Totally fair point. If that was the entirety of the feedback then it isn’t helpful at all. I was assuming that it was the topic sentence and followed by specifics. I wish I could see the actual study, rather than a two sentence interpretation of it.

sdwr 3y ago

The devil is in the details!