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> it sounds like whoever you think you would have married otherwise is the one who's dodging a bullet. Thats some next level bullshit. you're saying that beca

> it sounds like whoever you think you would have married otherwise is the one who's dodging a bullet. Thats some next level bullshit. you're saying that because I'm scared of getting into a marriage, that she's the one "who's dodging a bullet" Put another way, if a woman said she was scared of getting married, would you tell her that the man she would have married is "dodging a bullet?" obviously not, it would be an incredibly messed up thing to say right? This kind of "empathy" for men is precisely why its dangerous for men to get into marriage. I'll sit on my money and find other ways to find happiness in life thanks.

saghm 3y ago
The issue isn't that you're afraid of getting married, it's that you're so fixated on lumping together entire 50% of the population into a bucket that you don't realize you don't marry an entire gender, you marry an individual. If you aren't able to get to the point with a potential spouse that you view them as unique and special to you and worthy of trust regardless of what demographic groups they happen to be a member of, then they deserve to be with someone else. This doesn't just apply in one direction; a man shouldn't be viewed as indistinguishable from other men to their prospective spouse, and if they are, they deserve someone else too.
- cultofmetatron 3y ago
  > fixated on lumping together entire 50% of the population into a bucket its not about fixating 50% into the bucket. its about incentives. there are plenty of good women for sure. the issue is there's a lot of predators out there too. And they will look and act like someone you'd want to marry. right up till its too late. You want to deny that most divorces are initiated by women? that women get custody (and the house) most of the time and that family courts are incentivized to do so because they GET A CUT? fine. But don't lecture me like I'm somehow being a less than moral person for pointing out the very obvious hazard. If you meet the right person, go ahead and get married. but don't go in without knowing that its a one sided agreement that doesn't benefit men in the slightest.
  - saghm 3y ago
    I don't know what your standards are in terms of someone looking like "someone you'd want to marry" are, but if you think that the amount of depth most people want in a relationship with their partner is something that a non-trivial number of people could fake over a multiple year relationship, you're wildly off base. You're either grossly underestimating the degree of emotional connection that some people (including myself) would require for a long-term relationship or you're grossly overestimating the proportion of the dating pool who are highly skilled, manipulative sociopaths willing to spend years on con with a high risk of no payoff.

saghm 3y ago

The issue isn't that you're afraid of getting married, it's that you're so fixated on lumping together entire 50% of the population into a bucket that you don't realize you don't marry an entire gender, you marry an individual. If you aren't able to get to the point with a potential spouse that you view them as unique and special to you and worthy of trust regardless of what demographic groups they happen to be a member of, then they deserve to be with someone else. This doesn't just apply in one direction; a man shouldn't be viewed as indistinguishable from other men to their prospective spouse, and if they are, they deserve someone else too.

cultofmetatron 3y ago
> fixated on lumping together entire 50% of the population into a bucket its not about fixating 50% into the bucket. its about incentives. there are plenty of good women for sure. the issue is there's a lot of predators out there too. And they will look and act like someone you'd want to marry. right up till its too late. You want to deny that most divorces are initiated by women? that women get custody (and the house) most of the time and that family courts are incentivized to do so because they GET A CUT? fine. But don't lecture me like I'm somehow being a less than moral person for pointing out the very obvious hazard. If you meet the right person, go ahead and get married. but don't go in without knowing that its a one sided agreement that doesn't benefit men in the slightest.
- saghm 3y ago
  I don't know what your standards are in terms of someone looking like "someone you'd want to marry" are, but if you think that the amount of depth most people want in a relationship with their partner is something that a non-trivial number of people could fake over a multiple year relationship, you're wildly off base. You're either grossly underestimating the degree of emotional connection that some people (including myself) would require for a long-term relationship or you're grossly overestimating the proportion of the dating pool who are highly skilled, manipulative sociopaths willing to spend years on con with a high risk of no payoff.