3 ms·

Either you concretely agree on the finances or you don't. If you don't have any explicit understanding/agreement, the vast majority of relationships are going t

Either you concretely agree on the finances or you don't. If you don't have any explicit understanding/agreement, the vast majority of relationships are going to have problems. Having separate accounts forces you to come to an explicit consensus

emodendroket 3y ago
I don’t think the rigidity of a formal arrangement like this is necessary or even helpful. Both partners’ financial status is likely to change significantly over the course of a relationship.
- adam_arthur 3y ago
  And if parameters change, the decisions around finances can change too. Your response implies that its unhealthy to speak openly and clearly about finances. It's much healthier to be concrete and open about how money is managed rather than having some vague understanding or not talking about it at all. If you have a clear understanding that you've both agreed on, then a joint account doesn't provide any benefit.
  - emodendroket 3y ago
    No, you’re just putting words in my mouth. I don’t think it’s unhealthy to discuss finances. I think formally delineating everything and having a change management process is excessive.
than3 3y ago
The problem with 'consensus' as a whole is, its not always possible. Just because you do something doesn't mean you agree with it.
- ozfive 3y ago
  And not agreeing with it builds resentment and breaks down trust.
anonzzzies 3y ago
I know 0 people personally who had issues over money, but I don’t live in the US. The divorces in my circles fight (but not even in court) over the kids. And most of my friends are married without a prenup. Some divorced: no problems about money. Nothing formal needed. I am not going to make some explicit consensus arrangement with my wife; if I felt that was needed, we wouldn’t be together.
- emodendroket 3y ago
  Given that this is HN I expect the readership to be higher-income on average, which makes resolving money problems relatively easy as fewer sacrifices are necessary in the first place. It’s a pretty consistent finding that disagreements about either money or child-rearing are the most common cause for divorce.

emodendroket 3y ago

I don’t think the rigidity of a formal arrangement like this is necessary or even helpful. Both partners’ financial status is likely to change significantly over the course of a relationship.

adam_arthur 3y ago
And if parameters change, the decisions around finances can change too. Your response implies that its unhealthy to speak openly and clearly about finances. It's much healthier to be concrete and open about how money is managed rather than having some vague understanding or not talking about it at all. If you have a clear understanding that you've both agreed on, then a joint account doesn't provide any benefit.
- emodendroket 3y ago
  No, you’re just putting words in my mouth. I don’t think it’s unhealthy to discuss finances. I think formally delineating everything and having a change management process is excessive.

than3 3y ago

The problem with 'consensus' as a whole is, its not always possible. Just because you do something doesn't mean you agree with it.

ozfive 3y ago
And not agreeing with it builds resentment and breaks down trust.

anonzzzies 3y ago

I know 0 people personally who had issues over money, but I don’t live in the US. The divorces in my circles fight (but not even in court) over the kids. And most of my friends are married without a prenup. Some divorced: no problems about money. Nothing formal needed. I am not going to make some explicit consensus arrangement with my wife; if I felt that was needed, we wouldn’t be together.

emodendroket 3y ago
Given that this is HN I expect the readership to be higher-income on average, which makes resolving money problems relatively easy as fewer sacrifices are necessary in the first place. It’s a pretty consistent finding that disagreements about either money or child-rearing are the most common cause for divorce.