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Then they have their own account that you transfer $X/month into. If you can't agree as a couple on what each person should be spending, then the relationship i
by adam_arthur 3y ago
Then they have their own account that you transfer $X/month into. If you can't agree as a couple on what each person should be spending, then the relationship is on bad footing to begin with.
- emodendroket 3y agoI think this creates an uncomfortable/unequal situation for the non working partner as you’ve essentially set yourself up as an authority figure over them rather than an equal.
- uninformed 3y agoDo you have an alternative in mind?
- emodendroket 3y agoJoint accounts. Isn’t that the subject of discussion?
- aaronblohowiak 3y ago[flagged]
- emodendroket 3y agoI’m open to suggestions if you think a better term is on offer.
- c22 3y agoI've heard "stay-at-home" used.
- orangepurple 3y agoStay at home moms (SAHM)
- emodendroket 3y agoThe choice to not specify a woman was deliberate.
- rgbgraph 3y ago[flagged]
- Dalewyn 3y agoFreedom is equivalent to responsibility. If you offload your responsibility of paying your expenses upon another, you surrender that freedom to them. If a couple wants equality, have separate finances and incomes and make agreements as to how any financial matters that must be handled together should be handled.
- emodendroket 3y agoI don’t think I see what makes that more equal than treating all of your money as a shared resource between the two of you. Unless you have exactly the same income I think the opposite is true.
- Dalewyn 3y agoIf you rely on your spouse for your finances in any way, it means they are superior to you. You aren't financially independent and thus aren't equal, at least not within any immediate timeframe.
- emodendroket 3y agoI don’t think I can agree with that one. A successful marriage involves interlocking reliance on the other partner in many ways. I couldn’t have born my own child, for instance.
- inkcapmushroom 3y agoIf I make more money, and my spouse and I agree to split expenses evenly and keep our separate finances, and as a result I'm enjoying luxuries without them because they can't afford them, I hardly see how my spouse is more equal in this scenario. They'll probably resent me for not sharing my good fortune with them, and it will absolutely still lead to bad power dynamics in a relationship. If we don't split expenses evenly because I make more so that we can end up with roughly an equal amount of "fun money" each in the end, then it's just shared finances with extra steps and constant adjustment of percentage expense burden as relative incomes change. Most couples will try to cover shared expenses with their combined income and then equally distribute the remainder, so that neither of you is left wanting. Of course if you're the one making significantly more (or a sole income provider) you might see this arrangement as mooching or unfair as you're contributing more. But there's more dimensions you can contribute to in a relationship than just financial, and hopefully both partners can recognize that.
- quickthrower2 3y agoYou need then all of these: Budgeted amount for say toilet roll. Decide whose bank account to use for it. How to re balance as expenses change. For each expense or group of expenses. Each spend kinda needs to be tagged. It is a lot more work. Might be OK if you have no kids and are renting.
- drekipus 3y agoI want to divorce myself from even thinking how much effort that takes.
- tomatocracy 3y agoI'm married (with kids and not renting) and don't have a joint bank account and it's not anything like that complicated. We worked out a set amount per month that gets transferred from my account to hers based on the main bills (mortgage, etc) coming out of my account as the higher earner. We review that occasionally based on total spending and income. The rest more or less works itself out.