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Falling in or out of love is really a lot of fantasy BS though really. Disney marketing. Anyone in a long term relationship doesn’t love the other all the time,

Falling in or out of love is really a lot of fantasy BS though really. Disney marketing. Anyone in a long term relationship doesn’t love the other all the time, wether married or not. Marriage is about declaring to your social group and each other you’ve decided to strive and commit to something greater than yourself.

bscphil 3y ago
> Marriage is about declaring to your social group and each other you’ve decided to strive and commit to something greater than yourself. I think most people can accept this belief while still thinking that there ought to be an out for two people who find themselves deeply unhappy together for a long period of time. Committing to something should very rarely be an absolute thing, and most people (even those who accept and respect marriage as a social institution) don't think that marriage should be one of those things. That's compatible with thinking (as you say in your OP) that most romantic relationships are shallow and not ultimately very meaningful, and wanting something more.
noirbot 3y ago
Yea, and as someone who's had their social group rent in half twice in recent years because of committed marriages falling apart, I'm pretty happy with less of my friends making me meet their new partner and integrate them into my life before having an acrimonious breakup after 1-5 years. I don't care if they love each other. I care that they're not making me pick sides and often causing me to deal with people I like moving away or quitting common hobbies so they can avoid someone they've gone from loving to loathing.
TheOtherHobbes 3y ago
It really isn't. There are all kinds of valid reasons to get divorced, from partners maturing in different directions, to one partner maturing while the other doesn't, to drug and alcohol additions, to emotional and physical abuse. There are also selfish reasons, including boredom, finding more excitement - but not more depth - with someone else, and festering undiscussed resentment that financial and/or sexual expectations aren't being met. If one person goes down one of those paths and refuses to even discuss it, there's not much the other person can do. It's immature to expect a perfect glowing zero-conflict happy ever after. But it's equally immature to stay committed to something that is clearly dead and may be actively harmful to either or both partners - and perhaps the kids too, if there are any.

bscphil 3y ago

> Marriage is about declaring to your social group and each other you’ve decided to strive and commit to something greater than yourself. I think most people can accept this belief while still thinking that there ought to be an out for two people who find themselves deeply unhappy together for a long period of time. Committing to something should very rarely be an absolute thing, and most people (even those who accept and respect marriage as a social institution) don't think that marriage should be one of those things. That's compatible with thinking (as you say in your OP) that most romantic relationships are shallow and not ultimately very meaningful, and wanting something more.

noirbot 3y ago

Yea, and as someone who's had their social group rent in half twice in recent years because of committed marriages falling apart, I'm pretty happy with less of my friends making me meet their new partner and integrate them into my life before having an acrimonious breakup after 1-5 years. I don't care if they love each other. I care that they're not making me pick sides and often causing me to deal with people I like moving away or quitting common hobbies so they can avoid someone they've gone from loving to loathing.

TheOtherHobbes 3y ago

It really isn't. There are all kinds of valid reasons to get divorced, from partners maturing in different directions, to one partner maturing while the other doesn't, to drug and alcohol additions, to emotional and physical abuse. There are also selfish reasons, including boredom, finding more excitement - but not more depth - with someone else, and festering undiscussed resentment that financial and/or sexual expectations aren't being met. If one person goes down one of those paths and refuses to even discuss it, there's not much the other person can do. It's immature to expect a perfect glowing zero-conflict happy ever after. But it's equally immature to stay committed to something that is clearly dead and may be actively harmful to either or both partners - and perhaps the kids too, if there are any.