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Sure, that's a problem in almost every form of communication. What I mean is you don't get to choose what emotions you feel. So making someone feel wrong/bad f
by solarmist 3y ago
Sure, that's a problem in almost every form of communication.
What I mean is you don't get to choose what emotions you feel. So making someone feel wrong/bad for feeling them isn't useful.
> two fairly incontrovertible things
You say this, but neither my wife nor I took either as incontrovertible until the last few years.
I don't have a better way of discussing it or bringing it up though. Do you have a phrase that works for this, but isn't prone to misunderstanding?
- Hermitian909 3y ago> Do you have a phrase that works for this, but isn't prone to misunderstanding? Not a single phrase because there's a decision matrix around the reaction: 1. Do I think I understand why the emotional reaction is happening? 2. Do I think the emotional reaction is healthy? 3. Do I think the emotional reaction is reasonable? And how I respond depends on the answers to these questions. When the answers to the questions are "no" I fall back to building a space of emotional safety things like: "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me", "it's ok that you're feeling that way", "feeling that way doesn't make you a bad person". These statements tend more conservative if I'm feeling it's important to remove misunderstanding.
- solarmist 3y agoSure, that's in an interaction, but that kind of phrase is a good starting point when talking about the situations in the abstract. As in any conversation, you then adjust and clarify as needed.