3 ms·

> I think there’s a lot of societal pressure to both get married and to have children, especially in the south, where I’m from. I don't know where things stand

> I think there’s a lot of societal pressure to both get married and to have children, especially in the south, where I’m from. I don't know where things stand now, but there was a similar pressure in Appalachia ~15 years ago. If you'd been out of high school more than a couple of years and hadn't gotten married or at minimum found someone you'd intended to marry, people would start asking if you were closeted or something, which seemed crazy to me — how on earth could I possibly find it a good idea to get married before I'd even had a chance to get some clue about how to function as an adult or figure out who I was? A lot of people succumb to that pressure. I think out of everybody in my class and the classes both before and after me I'm the only one who wasn't at least engaged by age 22.

hotpotamus 3y ago
If a society didn't find some way to last beyond the lifespan of a human, then it wouldn't be much of a society.
- monissiddiqui 3y ago
  It's surprising how individualistic people are in developed countries. They are literally self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool! Just goes to show "smart" does not mean wise. Apparently making sure humanity doesn't continue on to the next generation isn't considered a moral responsibility. And they get salty wondering why religious communities will be the majority throughout time. I guess these governments will just keep rolling the dice on immigration and hope that one day sustainable birth rate patterns will just follow suit. Great strategy /s
  - kitsunesoba 3y ago
    I don’t mind doing my “part” for perpetuating humanity or what have you (though as the sibling comment points out, there are plenty of kids being born without my help), but what I was getting at in my comment is that it seems unwise to jump into that without first learning how to be a fully functional member of society and coming to know oneself, neither of which most people have managed to accomplish until they’re at least in their mid-20s. If I’d buckled to societal pressure and gotten married as an overgrown kid, the chances that the marriage would ultimately succeed would’ve been a lot lower which means a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil for everybody involved, including any kids. I don’t think it’s particularly selfish or unwise to aim for a successful marriage over getting married ASAP. If anything I find it thoughtless and selfish to rope somebody into a relationship you don’t even have the life experience to know if you’re ready for yet.
  - fineIllregister 3y ago
    > They are literally self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool! One person's genes are not that important to continuing humanity. > Apparently making sure humanity doesn't continue on to the next generation isn't considered a moral responsibility. Plenty of people are having children. World population is still growing. > And they get salty wondering why religious communities will be the majority throughout time. Religiosity has been declining and is expected to continue to decline. > I guess these governments will just keep rolling the dice on immigration... You say you are concerned with continuing "humanity", but "immigrants" don't count. People born outside developed nations aren't human to you?
  - hotpotamus 3y ago
    I didn't really put much of a value judgement on it. Mostly I was thinking about my beehives and how you have to make sure the queen is reproducing or the hive will collapse from attrition within a month or so. I rather like the bees in that they don't seem to think much about meaning or morals; they just go on about their business of existence.
  - elzbardico 3y ago
    People in the West have an inflated sense of self-importance. People with absolutely boring stupid bullshit jobs talk about their "careers" in a way you'd think they are Marie Curie or Enrico Fermi when what they do is basically sell some useless stuff and spend their days in meetings with other self-important corporate drones.
Obscurity4340 3y ago
Makes me wonder if so much of the domestic craziness is rooted in people who fundamentally are only together to allay peer pressure and questioning of their sexuality. What a recipe for disaster all around.
- kitsunesoba 3y ago
  I've wondered the same thing. There's no doubt a lot of people who aren't a good fit for each other or hadn't yet attained the requisite level of maturity, resources, etc to make things work who felt forced to marry in some capacity, and the fuses of individuals in such relationships will almost certainly be short. It's a setup for failure. I believe it's particularly bad for couples who got married under 26 or so, because due to the brain finishing up development and accumulating some real world experience, people tend to settle into who they'll be for the rest of their life at around that age and the change can be stark. It's not hard to imagine a couple who were wed at 20 and very much into each other drifting apart in their late 20s after that shift takes place.

hotpotamus 3y ago

If a society didn't find some way to last beyond the lifespan of a human, then it wouldn't be much of a society.

monissiddiqui 3y ago
It's surprising how individualistic people are in developed countries. They are literally self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool! Just goes to show "smart" does not mean wise. Apparently making sure humanity doesn't continue on to the next generation isn't considered a moral responsibility. And they get salty wondering why religious communities will be the majority throughout time. I guess these governments will just keep rolling the dice on immigration and hope that one day sustainable birth rate patterns will just follow suit. Great strategy /s
- kitsunesoba 3y ago
  I don’t mind doing my “part” for perpetuating humanity or what have you (though as the sibling comment points out, there are plenty of kids being born without my help), but what I was getting at in my comment is that it seems unwise to jump into that without first learning how to be a fully functional member of society and coming to know oneself, neither of which most people have managed to accomplish until they’re at least in their mid-20s. If I’d buckled to societal pressure and gotten married as an overgrown kid, the chances that the marriage would ultimately succeed would’ve been a lot lower which means a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil for everybody involved, including any kids. I don’t think it’s particularly selfish or unwise to aim for a successful marriage over getting married ASAP. If anything I find it thoughtless and selfish to rope somebody into a relationship you don’t even have the life experience to know if you’re ready for yet.
- fineIllregister 3y ago
  > They are literally self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool! One person's genes are not that important to continuing humanity. > Apparently making sure humanity doesn't continue on to the next generation isn't considered a moral responsibility. Plenty of people are having children. World population is still growing. > And they get salty wondering why religious communities will be the majority throughout time. Religiosity has been declining and is expected to continue to decline. > I guess these governments will just keep rolling the dice on immigration... You say you are concerned with continuing "humanity", but "immigrants" don't count. People born outside developed nations aren't human to you?
- hotpotamus 3y ago
  I didn't really put much of a value judgement on it. Mostly I was thinking about my beehives and how you have to make sure the queen is reproducing or the hive will collapse from attrition within a month or so. I rather like the bees in that they don't seem to think much about meaning or morals; they just go on about their business of existence.
- elzbardico 3y ago
  People in the West have an inflated sense of self-importance. People with absolutely boring stupid bullshit jobs talk about their "careers" in a way you'd think they are Marie Curie or Enrico Fermi when what they do is basically sell some useless stuff and spend their days in meetings with other self-important corporate drones.

Obscurity4340 3y ago

Makes me wonder if so much of the domestic craziness is rooted in people who fundamentally are only together to allay peer pressure and questioning of their sexuality. What a recipe for disaster all around.

kitsunesoba 3y ago
I've wondered the same thing. There's no doubt a lot of people who aren't a good fit for each other or hadn't yet attained the requisite level of maturity, resources, etc to make things work who felt forced to marry in some capacity, and the fuses of individuals in such relationships will almost certainly be short. It's a setup for failure. I believe it's particularly bad for couples who got married under 26 or so, because due to the brain finishing up development and accumulating some real world experience, people tend to settle into who they'll be for the rest of their life at around that age and the change can be stark. It's not hard to imagine a couple who were wed at 20 and very much into each other drifting apart in their late 20s after that shift takes place.