4 ms·

Can you give some examples? In particular, an example of how using "violent communication" could ever address scar tissue.

kortilla 3y ago
Scar tissue comes from leaving an issue unaddressed, it’s not related to how it’s addressed. My wife, “it pisses me off when you don’t do the dishes on your night like you did last night!” Me, “oh shit, I completely forgot. It’s not intentional, I’ll set a calendar reminder.” Scar tissue isn’t from “aggressive” or even “accusatory” words. It’s unrelated.
- kachnuv_ocasek 3y ago
  Your example really doesn't illustrate the distinction that you claim. Non-violent communication is not about “being nice” and not using “aggressive” words, whatever that means.
  - Karunamon 3y ago
    In which case the name is awful and the concept should be referred to with a different label. The point of those is to communicate meaning, if the very first thing that happens is this kind of misunderstanding that we have failed before we even started.
    - nazka 3y ago
      Ya I agree. When I bring this label I go into details into explaining it’s a method with a template etc. Or else people will get a very different idea from the name itself.
  - kortilla 3y ago
    I don’t think you understand nvc: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication > Notable concepts include rejecting coercive forms of discourse, gathering facts through observing without evaluating, genuinely and concretely expressing feelings and needs, and formulating effective and empathetic requests. Other than my wife saying “it pisses me off”, which is expressing a feeling, none of it is NVC. There are no needs or requests expressed. There is no fact gathering. Crucially, there is no empathy building.
    - kachnuv_ocasek 3y ago
      NVC is not about the words you say. I can imagine the above dialogue being a perfectly fine example between two people practising NVC.
      - kortilla 3y ago
        It’s about what they portray. Read the link I pasted above. I explained why it’s not NVC.
stephen_g 3y ago
“Non-violent communication” is referring to quite a specific communication technique, it doesn’t mean that all other communication styles are ‘violent’.
- worthless-trash 3y ago
  I'm still confused how there can be violence (behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something) in speech, where is the physical force ?
  - softsound 3y ago
    You mean like screaming demands, insults and threats at someone that might scar them if repeated over and over? I think that could be considered violent but it really depends on metaphors here. It's physical in the way that the body remembers trauma I suppose. Words might not break your bones but they sure could lead to auto-immune disorders, memory disorders, hormonal imbalance, stomach conditions, blood pressure conditions, thyroid conditions, not to mention mood regulation issues and other issues etc. If your body is conditioned to be in a tortured/stressed/powerless state it won't understand how to regulate properly later leading to further issues. So you could say it is a physical force here in this way damaging and changing your body forever. There are a fair amount of things out there on this topic. I started getting autoimmune disorders in middle school due to stress in my home, unfortunately my family didn't actually realize I was sick then due to stress in my home lol. But that was just how it was and life got considerably worse because the yelling further escalated in other members to eventual violence. This lead to quite a lot of other issues in my early 20's compounding so when people are like it's just words, you don't know much and how fast words can escalate. Words have a lot of power, don't dismiss them too easily. My family always liked to and it sure left damage. https://themighty.com/topic/trauma/trauma-chronic-stress-autoimmune-disease/ https://themighty.com/topic/trauma/trauma-chronic-stress-aut...

kortilla 3y ago

Scar tissue comes from leaving an issue unaddressed, it’s not related to how it’s addressed. My wife, “it pisses me off when you don’t do the dishes on your night like you did last night!” Me, “oh shit, I completely forgot. It’s not intentional, I’ll set a calendar reminder.” Scar tissue isn’t from “aggressive” or even “accusatory” words. It’s unrelated.

kachnuv_ocasek 3y ago
Your example really doesn't illustrate the distinction that you claim. Non-violent communication is not about “being nice” and not using “aggressive” words, whatever that means.
- Karunamon 3y ago
  In which case the name is awful and the concept should be referred to with a different label. The point of those is to communicate meaning, if the very first thing that happens is this kind of misunderstanding that we have failed before we even started.
  - nazka 3y ago
    Ya I agree. When I bring this label I go into details into explaining it’s a method with a template etc. Or else people will get a very different idea from the name itself.
- kortilla 3y ago
  I don’t think you understand nvc: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication > Notable concepts include rejecting coercive forms of discourse, gathering facts through observing without evaluating, genuinely and concretely expressing feelings and needs, and formulating effective and empathetic requests. Other than my wife saying “it pisses me off”, which is expressing a feeling, none of it is NVC. There are no needs or requests expressed. There is no fact gathering. Crucially, there is no empathy building.
  - kachnuv_ocasek 3y ago
    NVC is not about the words you say. I can imagine the above dialogue being a perfectly fine example between two people practising NVC.
    - kortilla 3y ago
      It’s about what they portray. Read the link I pasted above. I explained why it’s not NVC.

stephen_g 3y ago

“Non-violent communication” is referring to quite a specific communication technique, it doesn’t mean that all other communication styles are ‘violent’.

worthless-trash 3y ago
I'm still confused how there can be violence (behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something) in speech, where is the physical force ?
- softsound 3y ago
  You mean like screaming demands, insults and threats at someone that might scar them if repeated over and over? I think that could be considered violent but it really depends on metaphors here. It's physical in the way that the body remembers trauma I suppose. Words might not break your bones but they sure could lead to auto-immune disorders, memory disorders, hormonal imbalance, stomach conditions, blood pressure conditions, thyroid conditions, not to mention mood regulation issues and other issues etc. If your body is conditioned to be in a tortured/stressed/powerless state it won't understand how to regulate properly later leading to further issues. So you could say it is a physical force here in this way damaging and changing your body forever. There are a fair amount of things out there on this topic. I started getting autoimmune disorders in middle school due to stress in my home, unfortunately my family didn't actually realize I was sick then due to stress in my home lol. But that was just how it was and life got considerably worse because the yelling further escalated in other members to eventual violence. This lead to quite a lot of other issues in my early 20's compounding so when people are like it's just words, you don't know much and how fast words can escalate. Words have a lot of power, don't dismiss them too easily. My family always liked to and it sure left damage. https://themighty.com/topic/trauma/trauma-chronic-stress-autoimmune-disease/ https://themighty.com/topic/trauma/trauma-chronic-stress-aut...