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The reason I took criticism of my work personally was that I build my identity around the fact that I'm smart and good with computers. If you think of yourself

by ajuc 3y ago

The reason I took criticism of my work personally was that I build my identity around the fact that I'm smart and good with computers. If you think of yourself as having value BECAUSE you're good at X - it's almost impossible not to take criticism personally. You can pretend not to care, because it seems professional - but inside you'll still be hurting, and by default you'll still act to prevent the damage to your ego - anything else will require constant attention. It's not sustainable. The solution is to detach the perception of your value as a human being from your work.

Double_a_92 3y ago
Usually review feedback is not that harsh though. It's not like "This is complete shit, please start over!" It's usally things like "If you used this pattern in this area, it would become easier to read" or even more trivial "This variable has a generic name, please make it more expressive" or whatever...
- torstenvl 3y ago
  I think I'm in the extreme minority on this, but in my view those responses go from least harsh to harshest. This is complete shit, start over. Even though there's vulgarity, it's explicitly directed at "this" and not "you." If the vulgarity is indicative of any frustration, then it means my work was below their expectations - which necessarily implies that they have come to expect more from my work. This is confirmed by their direction to start over, without any additional oversight or specific micromanagement. The boss who says this respects you, respects your work, and knows you can do better than this uncharacteristic example without them holding your hand. If you used this pattern in this area, it would become easier to read "You." This comment is directed at me and the choices I made. The comment uses the conditional - it isn't frustrated, it's wistful. The language is stilted and formal; they're keeping me at an arm's length. And easier to read? Humiliating that my thought process is that incoherent. This variable has a generic name, please make it more expressive. Very simple present tense statement, followed by very simple imperative. I'm clearly being handled. And please? They are literally begging me not to suck so bad. This isn't just arms-length language, this is you're-going-on-a-PIP-and-we're-being-careful-not-to-give-you-any-employment-law-leverage language. If someone ever gives me feedback like this, that's a sign I'm going to get fired.
  - mjfisher 3y ago
    That reaction is really extreme; to the point I'm not quite sure if it's satire? If it's genuine, why not respond with "good call, will update" or "I couldn't think of anything better for this situation - do you have any suggestions?"
    - torstenvl 3y ago
      You appear to have replied to the wrong post
      - kortilla 3y ago
        No, your post comes across as sarcastic. “Please rename a variable” is in no way an indicator that you are borderline being PIPed. Additionally, that’s not even scratching the surface for HR documentation that is required for underperformance. It needs to be blatant “you are not meeting expectations” phrasing.
        deleted 3y ago
        [deleted]
      - mjfisher 3y ago
        No, actually - right post, but I might not have been specific enough. In particular that: This variable has a generic name, please make it more expressive is an indication you're heading to a PIP and a firing seems to be reading a huge amount of negativity into a comment that isn't warranted. Different cultures and work environments perhaps, but I've often written and received similarly terse statements on code reviews; it's just business as usual. As a rule, I have a huge amount of respect and value my team members - as I hope and believe they do for me. I do often (but not always) use the conditional rather than imperative tense as part of my British cultural baggage; but I doubt most people even consider that. Edit: on further reflection, I think the better relationship I have with the engineer in the code review, the comments get more terse. You can write extremely brief things like "should be private" or "missing type annotation" because you know the baseline working relationship has enough trust and mutual respect to support comments like that without offence.
Gatsky 3y ago
I think this is a great comment, with much broader implications for living well. Unmooring the sense of self from external factors is one important aspect of spirituality.

by ajuc 3y ago

Double_a_92 3y ago

Usually review feedback is not that harsh though. It's not like "This is complete shit, please start over!" It's usally things like "If you used this pattern in this area, it would become easier to read" or even more trivial "This variable has a generic name, please make it more expressive" or whatever...

torstenvl 3y ago
I think I'm in the extreme minority on this, but in my view those responses go from least harsh to harshest. This is complete shit, start over. Even though there's vulgarity, it's explicitly directed at "this" and not "you." If the vulgarity is indicative of any frustration, then it means my work was below their expectations - which necessarily implies that they have come to expect more from my work. This is confirmed by their direction to start over, without any additional oversight or specific micromanagement. The boss who says this respects you, respects your work, and knows you can do better than this uncharacteristic example without them holding your hand. If you used this pattern in this area, it would become easier to read "You." This comment is directed at me and the choices I made. The comment uses the conditional - it isn't frustrated, it's wistful. The language is stilted and formal; they're keeping me at an arm's length. And easier to read? Humiliating that my thought process is that incoherent. This variable has a generic name, please make it more expressive. Very simple present tense statement, followed by very simple imperative. I'm clearly being handled. And please? They are literally begging me not to suck so bad. This isn't just arms-length language, this is you're-going-on-a-PIP-and-we're-being-careful-not-to-give-you-any-employment-law-leverage language. If someone ever gives me feedback like this, that's a sign I'm going to get fired.
- mjfisher 3y ago
  That reaction is really extreme; to the point I'm not quite sure if it's satire? If it's genuine, why not respond with "good call, will update" or "I couldn't think of anything better for this situation - do you have any suggestions?"
  - torstenvl 3y ago
    You appear to have replied to the wrong post
    - kortilla 3y ago
      No, your post comes across as sarcastic. “Please rename a variable” is in no way an indicator that you are borderline being PIPed. Additionally, that’s not even scratching the surface for HR documentation that is required for underperformance. It needs to be blatant “you are not meeting expectations” phrasing.
      - deleted 3y ago
        [deleted]
    - mjfisher 3y ago
      No, actually - right post, but I might not have been specific enough. In particular that: This variable has a generic name, please make it more expressive is an indication you're heading to a PIP and a firing seems to be reading a huge amount of negativity into a comment that isn't warranted. Different cultures and work environments perhaps, but I've often written and received similarly terse statements on code reviews; it's just business as usual. As a rule, I have a huge amount of respect and value my team members - as I hope and believe they do for me. I do often (but not always) use the conditional rather than imperative tense as part of my British cultural baggage; but I doubt most people even consider that. Edit: on further reflection, I think the better relationship I have with the engineer in the code review, the comments get more terse. You can write extremely brief things like "should be private" or "missing type annotation" because you know the baseline working relationship has enough trust and mutual respect to support comments like that without offence.

Gatsky 3y ago

I think this is a great comment, with much broader implications for living well. Unmooring the sense of self from external factors is one important aspect of spirituality.