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It seems obvious that people wouldn't regret the cheating. No matter what people say cheating is not something you accidentally have happened. You don't trip a

It seems obvious that people wouldn't regret the cheating. No matter what people say cheating is not something you accidentally have happened. You don't trip and just fall inside someone else, despite the plot of some modern porn movies. The regret comes from getting caught. Always has. Because when you're not caught you've just had an experience with no consequences. Once you're caught now you're in the position where you may have to give up something you value or you may lose something entirely that you value.

PaulHoule 3y ago
I read a book that talked about a study that said 60% of the victims of affairs thought the effect on the relationship was neutral or positive but of course some of those victims are very upset about it.
version_five 3y ago
People intentionally things they regret all the time. Especially stuff that's "tempting" but you know is probably a bad idea, like sex with someone besides your partner. This survey was on a website where people deliberately go to have affairs, so I imagine here there is more cold premeditation and so less regret. But there are lots of situations, e.g. you're working closely with someone and are away from your spouse, where it's easy to end up having sex and then regretting it once the hormones wear off.
- elmerfud 3y ago
  I would still dispute that the regret is from the action and not the consequences of those actions. Obviously being in close quarters with someone increases the likelihood of having sex. That's just a natural thing which is why parents used to warn children about making friends or being a friendly with someone of the opposite gender. It can set the stage for a sexual encounter that otherwise may not be intended. That's not the same as tripping and falling into someone. That's you intentionally setting a stage and allowing human biology to play out. The problem is always the consequences of it not the action itself. If it's a co-worker perhaps work becomes uncomfortable around them. If it's a neighbor now you have to be constantly worried that the secret may leak. Consequences not the action is what drives people and their regrets.

PaulHoule 3y ago

I read a book that talked about a study that said 60% of the victims of affairs thought the effect on the relationship was neutral or positive but of course some of those victims are very upset about it.

version_five 3y ago

People intentionally things they regret all the time. Especially stuff that's "tempting" but you know is probably a bad idea, like sex with someone besides your partner. This survey was on a website where people deliberately go to have affairs, so I imagine here there is more cold premeditation and so less regret. But there are lots of situations, e.g. you're working closely with someone and are away from your spouse, where it's easy to end up having sex and then regretting it once the hormones wear off.

elmerfud 3y ago
I would still dispute that the regret is from the action and not the consequences of those actions. Obviously being in close quarters with someone increases the likelihood of having sex. That's just a natural thing which is why parents used to warn children about making friends or being a friendly with someone of the opposite gender. It can set the stage for a sexual encounter that otherwise may not be intended. That's not the same as tripping and falling into someone. That's you intentionally setting a stage and allowing human biology to play out. The problem is always the consequences of it not the action itself. If it's a co-worker perhaps work becomes uncomfortable around them. If it's a neighbor now you have to be constantly worried that the secret may leak. Consequences not the action is what drives people and their regrets.