My personal experience with ideation was both because I was suffering, but also because of complete apathy. I didn't care about my life and didn't see a point t

My personal experience with ideation was both because I was suffering, but also because of complete apathy. I didn't care about my life and didn't see a point to continuing it. The suffering was influential as well, but even without it, I still didn't see a point and life was effort. To be honest, now being in a much healthier place, I still somewhat don't care about my life beyond the animal instinct of death being scary. I am still apathetic about my life and its impact on the universe. But I'm in a healthier place of being able to find joy in places, and finding a sense of satisfaction in enduring through all the effort that life requires. Also as sad as it is, the thing that has nearly entirely alleviated my mental health issues has been adderall. It is by far the most effective drug I've ever taken for it, and I've tried a lot.