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There's absolutely no reason to be "brutally" honest. It's entirely possible to be respectful, clear, and concise all at the same time. And yes, as easy it is t

There's absolutely no reason to be "brutally" honest. It's entirely possible to be respectful, clear, and concise all at the same time. And yes, as easy it is to read that sentence without the intensifier, it's also easy to write it without it as well.

fsckboy 3y ago
>There's absolutely no reason to be "brutally" honest. You mean to say there's no absolute reason to be "brutally" honest, because then you can see there's no absolute reason to be smotheringly polite either. (did you read the brief piece I linked?) There absolutely is a reason to say what springs to your mind, it's quick and efficient, and that's something that people who quickly come up with quality thoughts prize as the ultimate. Laboring over how to say something a different way is very time-consuming, and unnecessary especially if you are addressing people who think-speak the way you do. And, you're saying people like me should change? Why? Why not suggest that people like you change? (did you read the brief piece I linked? included here for the lazy or those who think there is absolutely no reason they should need to read links) the following Copyright © 1996, 2006 by Jeff Bigler. https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html All people have a "tact filter", which applies tact in one direction to everything that passes through it. Most "normal people" have the tact filter positioned to apply tact in the outgoing direction. Thus whatever normal people say gets the appropriate amount of tact applied to it before they say it. This is because when they were growing up, their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" "Nerds," on the other hand, have their tact filter positioned to apply tact in the incoming direction. Thus, whatever anyone says to them gets the appropriate amount of tact added when they hear it. This is because when nerds were growing up, they continually got picked on, and their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "They're just saying those mean things because they're jealous. They don't really mean it." When normal people talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they say, and no one's feelings get hurt. When nerds talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they hear, and no one's feelings get hurt. However, when normal people talk to nerds, the nerds often get frustrated because the normal people seem to be dodging the real issues and not saying what they really mean. Worse yet, when nerds talk to normal people, the normal people's feelings often get hurt because the nerds don't apply tact, assuming the normal person will take their blunt statements and apply whatever tact is necessary. So, nerds need to understand that normal people have to apply tact to everything they say; they become really uncomfortable if they can't do this. Normal people need to understand that despite the fact that nerds are usually tactless, things they say are almost never meant personally and shouldn't be taken that way. Both types of people need to be extra patient when dealing with someone whose tact filter is backwards relative to their own. Reflections on this Essay after Ten Years
- tunesmith 3y ago
  Yup, I read it, and I read it months ago too, it's come up a few times. What I'm saying is that it's absolutely possible to quickly and efficiently say those quality thoughts that springs to mind, in a respectful manner. And yes, it is a skill people should learn because it gives you a superset of advantages compared to if you don't. You can talk to a wider slice of people, and learn more from them as well. It's not very time-consuming or laborious, either. If I'm able to communicate my thoughts to you in a respectful manner, why would I change to be brutal about it? Once you know both, you tend to see that the brutality, aside from its other disadvantages, is simply superfluous.
  - Freebytes 3y ago
    You hit the nail on the head, especially about the time-consuming aspect. People confuse honesty and respect. You can always be truthful while still maintaining respect and appreciation of others. "Did you like my singing?" Option A: "No. You sounded like an animal being slaughtered. If this is a hobby of yours, I would recommend a different one." Option B: "Not really." Option C: "It is not my style, but you sounded like your were enjoying yourself." Option D: "You really had a lot of passion. There were times you struggled, though, so you should record yourself and practice on those points. When you have everything ironed out, I would be happy to offer an honest critique again." This is going from rude responses to respectful responses. Option B is actually more honest than Option A, but is less 'brutal'. However, if a person is truly seeking a critique, you can offer one in detail, but it is probably better to ask if they are seeking your actual preferences or your critique in that type of situation.

fsckboy 3y ago

>There's absolutely no reason to be "brutally" honest. You mean to say there's no absolute reason to be "brutally" honest, because then you can see there's no absolute reason to be smotheringly polite either. (did you read the brief piece I linked?) There absolutely is a reason to say what springs to your mind, it's quick and efficient, and that's something that people who quickly come up with quality thoughts prize as the ultimate. Laboring over how to say something a different way is very time-consuming, and unnecessary especially if you are addressing people who think-speak the way you do. And, you're saying people like me should change? Why? Why not suggest that people like you change? (did you read the brief piece I linked? included here for the lazy or those who think there is absolutely no reason they should need to read links) the following Copyright © 1996, 2006 by Jeff Bigler. https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html All people have a "tact filter", which applies tact in one direction to everything that passes through it. Most "normal people" have the tact filter positioned to apply tact in the outgoing direction. Thus whatever normal people say gets the appropriate amount of tact applied to it before they say it. This is because when they were growing up, their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" "Nerds," on the other hand, have their tact filter positioned to apply tact in the incoming direction. Thus, whatever anyone says to them gets the appropriate amount of tact added when they hear it. This is because when nerds were growing up, they continually got picked on, and their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "They're just saying those mean things because they're jealous. They don't really mean it." When normal people talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they say, and no one's feelings get hurt. When nerds talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they hear, and no one's feelings get hurt. However, when normal people talk to nerds, the nerds often get frustrated because the normal people seem to be dodging the real issues and not saying what they really mean. Worse yet, when nerds talk to normal people, the normal people's feelings often get hurt because the nerds don't apply tact, assuming the normal person will take their blunt statements and apply whatever tact is necessary. So, nerds need to understand that normal people have to apply tact to everything they say; they become really uncomfortable if they can't do this. Normal people need to understand that despite the fact that nerds are usually tactless, things they say are almost never meant personally and shouldn't be taken that way. Both types of people need to be extra patient when dealing with someone whose tact filter is backwards relative to their own. Reflections on this Essay after Ten Years

tunesmith 3y ago
Yup, I read it, and I read it months ago too, it's come up a few times. What I'm saying is that it's absolutely possible to quickly and efficiently say those quality thoughts that springs to mind, in a respectful manner. And yes, it is a skill people should learn because it gives you a superset of advantages compared to if you don't. You can talk to a wider slice of people, and learn more from them as well. It's not very time-consuming or laborious, either. If I'm able to communicate my thoughts to you in a respectful manner, why would I change to be brutal about it? Once you know both, you tend to see that the brutality, aside from its other disadvantages, is simply superfluous.
- Freebytes 3y ago
  You hit the nail on the head, especially about the time-consuming aspect. People confuse honesty and respect. You can always be truthful while still maintaining respect and appreciation of others. "Did you like my singing?" Option A: "No. You sounded like an animal being slaughtered. If this is a hobby of yours, I would recommend a different one." Option B: "Not really." Option C: "It is not my style, but you sounded like your were enjoying yourself." Option D: "You really had a lot of passion. There were times you struggled, though, so you should record yourself and practice on those points. When you have everything ironed out, I would be happy to offer an honest critique again." This is going from rude responses to respectful responses. Option B is actually more honest than Option A, but is less 'brutal'. However, if a person is truly seeking a critique, you can offer one in detail, but it is probably better to ask if they are seeking your actual preferences or your critique in that type of situation.