3 ms·

> if they know I’m about to do something stupid, they have to tell me Summarizing the rest of the comments: "No good deed goes unpunished." However, "tell" ta

> if they know I’m about to do something stupid, they have to tell me Summarizing the rest of the comments: "No good deed goes unpunished." However, "tell" takes many forms. One point I like to make is that I'll dig in on a substantive technical point, but strive not to bikeshed technical questions. Package the feedback as a question: "I'm not seeing the motive for using a JSON database when we're really going to need an RDBMS," rather than "This idea is stuck in foopid."

chasd00 3y ago
and "about to do something stupid" is bit of an exaggeration. Professionals rarely do things that are flat out stupid. It can be intimidating to disagree with people up the food chain or with a reputation for always being right or celebrity. It takes courage and tact to disagree with someone in a productive way. Going in hat-in-hand, looking at your shoes, isn't going to get you far but nor is calling someone's idea stupid and berating them one-on-one or in front of others. Packaging feedback as a question like you put it is a good tactic and one i use. I also like to open with an understanding of where the person is coming from. This shows you've actually thought about it and understand, and who knows, maybe you don't and so you open the opportunity to get better informed on the decision. Something like "I see where you're going, you chose X because of reasons Y and Z, do i have that right?". Then once confirmed, you go into "well have you thought about A, B, and C? It seems to me this is a better choice because of <reasons>". The "it seems to me" is important because you've opened the door to admitting you may be wrong as well. "it seems to me" is a lot more disarming than "well everyone knows the right decision is X". There are certainly personalities that will say this is overly worded and emotional and it's better to just say "you're wrong, i'm right, do X". When it works great, most of the time it won't and it just breeds resentment or at the very best breeds fear.

chasd00 3y ago

and "about to do something stupid" is bit of an exaggeration. Professionals rarely do things that are flat out stupid. It can be intimidating to disagree with people up the food chain or with a reputation for always being right or celebrity. It takes courage and tact to disagree with someone in a productive way. Going in hat-in-hand, looking at your shoes, isn't going to get you far but nor is calling someone's idea stupid and berating them one-on-one or in front of others. Packaging feedback as a question like you put it is a good tactic and one i use. I also like to open with an understanding of where the person is coming from. This shows you've actually thought about it and understand, and who knows, maybe you don't and so you open the opportunity to get better informed on the decision. Something like "I see where you're going, you chose X because of reasons Y and Z, do i have that right?". Then once confirmed, you go into "well have you thought about A, B, and C? It seems to me this is a better choice because of <reasons>". The "it seems to me" is important because you've opened the door to admitting you may be wrong as well. "it seems to me" is a lot more disarming than "well everyone knows the right decision is X". There are certainly personalities that will say this is overly worded and emotional and it's better to just say "you're wrong, i'm right, do X". When it works great, most of the time it won't and it just breeds resentment or at the very best breeds fear.