3 ms·

Are our romantic relationships ever really mutual?

7 points by nbj914 15y ago

yalimkgerger 15y ago
This is the most depressing title I've ever read.
- jpdoctor 15y ago
  Not really. The answer to the narrowly defined title is "yes". Now percentages, that could be depressing.
codehotter 15y ago
What do you mean with "really" and what do you mean with "mutual" ? In the article, the situation is described where the man in the relationship desires the woman and the woman desires another man. If you're asking "is it always like this?" then answer is simply "No." I don't even think it is very common, but that's judging from anecdotal evidence. If you would forgive me for being so unromantic on valentine's day, the experience of being in love has similarities to a drug addiction and obsessive compulsive disorder. For most people, such infatuation is short-term, and in long-term romantic relationships usually replaced by feelings similar to friendship and attachment. In my opinion, fretting over whether your significant other is really as addicted to you as you are to the SO is not productive. Focus on whether you are happy and whether you are getting your needs met in the relationship. If you are not, you are perfectly entitled to do something about it (starting with talking it over). If you are happy and getting your needs met, stop worrying.
- joshuafcole 15y ago
  For what its worth, my experience backs yours. Earlier in my life relationships were more lopsided, but as I acquired more experience and kept searching for for somebody, things have oscillated a bit and evened out. I think its hard to understand that things can be better until you've experienced them that way.
ta12121 15y ago
"My parents were married for 30-something years, and he said (it was) because they never wanted to get divorced at the same time." Gwyneth Paltrow
drcube 15y ago
This is a great story of one person's experiences. It doesn't generalize. The whole idea that you can only "really" love one person, and that longing for someone else proves you don't love who you're with is horribly misguided. I'm polyamorous, and while I know it isn't for everyone, I think everyone should at least consider the possibility. Not every relationship fits into the traditional storybook archetype. Some people really can love more than one person, and every relationship is qualitatively different anyway. Comparing love levels like it's some scalar quantity in a video game is a pointless and frustrating endeavor.

7 points by nbj914 15y ago

yalimkgerger 15y ago

This is the most depressing title I've ever read.

jpdoctor 15y ago
Not really. The answer to the narrowly defined title is "yes". Now percentages, that could be depressing.

codehotter 15y ago

What do you mean with "really" and what do you mean with "mutual" ? In the article, the situation is described where the man in the relationship desires the woman and the woman desires another man. If you're asking "is it always like this?" then answer is simply "No." I don't even think it is very common, but that's judging from anecdotal evidence. If you would forgive me for being so unromantic on valentine's day, the experience of being in love has similarities to a drug addiction and obsessive compulsive disorder. For most people, such infatuation is short-term, and in long-term romantic relationships usually replaced by feelings similar to friendship and attachment. In my opinion, fretting over whether your significant other is really as addicted to you as you are to the SO is not productive. Focus on whether you are happy and whether you are getting your needs met in the relationship. If you are not, you are perfectly entitled to do something about it (starting with talking it over). If you are happy and getting your needs met, stop worrying.

joshuafcole 15y ago
For what its worth, my experience backs yours. Earlier in my life relationships were more lopsided, but as I acquired more experience and kept searching for for somebody, things have oscillated a bit and evened out. I think its hard to understand that things can be better until you've experienced them that way.

ta12121 15y ago

"My parents were married for 30-something years, and he said (it was) because they never wanted to get divorced at the same time." Gwyneth Paltrow

drcube 15y ago

This is a great story of one person's experiences. It doesn't generalize. The whole idea that you can only "really" love one person, and that longing for someone else proves you don't love who you're with is horribly misguided. I'm polyamorous, and while I know it isn't for everyone, I think everyone should at least consider the possibility. Not every relationship fits into the traditional storybook archetype. Some people really can love more than one person, and every relationship is qualitatively different anyway. Comparing love levels like it's some scalar quantity in a video game is a pointless and frustrating endeavor.