3 ms·

Two other concepts that fit with this: To listen well, get curious: https://www.lesswrong.com/s/hFom77cBBnnbNLzzm/p/4K5pJnKBGkqqTbyxx https://www.lesswrong.com

Two other concepts that fit with this: To listen well, get curious: https://www.lesswrong.com/s/hFom77cBBnnbNLzzm/p/4K5pJnKBGkqqTbyxx https://www.lesswrong.com/s/hFom77cBBnnbNLzzm/p/4K5pJnKBGkqq... Summary: take care with pop-psy advice to repeat what people say - without deep engagement it is just yuk. The church of interruption: https://sambleckley.com/writing/church-of-interruption.html https://sambleckley.com/writing/church-of-interruption.html Summary: some people are polite listeners and some people are polite interrupters - each of those two social ecologies works great but they mix poorly. The article also implies caring, non-judgmental conversation. Many conversations are competitive status signalling which shuts down friendly communication. When meeting new people the default first few sentences are usually about status: it is insidious and often unavoidable.

nomel 4y ago
> some people are polite listeners and some people are polite interrupters I see it as, polite listeners expect you to make sure they understand, while polite interrupters take responsibility for understanding themselves. I much prefer polite interrupters. They act as any sane communication protocol would, with error correction and retransmission in mind. At the end, you're confident that they understand. With polite listeners, the conversation always goes much slower, and with much less confidence, due to lack of feedback. I have to limit the length of any dialog, constantly ping them for understanding/questions. Otherwise, I get to the end of the conversation, and they tell me they stopped understanding after the first sentence, which was the foundation of the rest. At the end, you're not confident that they understand. It's an uncomfortable chore. Anyone have tips on talking with polite listeners?
- JohnFen 4y ago
  This makes me feel better about my own conversational habit. I do interrupt, but do so to make sure that I'm understanding what the person is telling me. So it's generally with a question, or to mention a different application of what they're talking about, etc. I've always felt a little bad about this habit, but I've found that if I just shut up and nod along, I stop really listening to what they're saying and my retention/understanding plummets. But apparently, my habit isn't a bad one!

nomel 4y ago

> some people are polite listeners and some people are polite interrupters I see it as, polite listeners expect you to make sure they understand, while polite interrupters take responsibility for understanding themselves. I much prefer polite interrupters. They act as any sane communication protocol would, with error correction and retransmission in mind. At the end, you're confident that they understand. With polite listeners, the conversation always goes much slower, and with much less confidence, due to lack of feedback. I have to limit the length of any dialog, constantly ping them for understanding/questions. Otherwise, I get to the end of the conversation, and they tell me they stopped understanding after the first sentence, which was the foundation of the rest. At the end, you're not confident that they understand. It's an uncomfortable chore. Anyone have tips on talking with polite listeners?

JohnFen 4y ago
This makes me feel better about my own conversational habit. I do interrupt, but do so to make sure that I'm understanding what the person is telling me. So it's generally with a question, or to mention a different application of what they're talking about, etc. I've always felt a little bad about this habit, but I've found that if I just shut up and nod along, I stop really listening to what they're saying and my retention/understanding plummets. But apparently, my habit isn't a bad one!