3 ms·

>Dependable Drew, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on I used to be the same as a student - always trying to fix all those broken people around me, somehow a

>Dependable Drew, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on I used to be the same as a student - always trying to fix all those broken people around me, somehow attracting mostly mentally-ill friends, visiting too many in psychiatric wards. I thought I was doing good, but I was just letting myself get dragged down. I haven't fixed a single one of their problems, I just had my energy pulled out of me. Looks like OP put himself into a similar position to mine... I learned the hard way that I am the captain of my own ship, others' ships will happily pull mine down to the bottom of the ocean. I have a responsibility towards my own ship and walked away.

everdrive 3y ago
I used to be in a similar situation. It hurts because I really do want to help people. Often, you're not helping, but merely building co-dependence, or otherwise teaching them to rely on people. (ie, you, or you next enabler.) Pure sympathy really ends up not being the best way to help people. Setting boundaries, and tough love often go much further to actually changing behaviors.
ChrisMarshallNY 3y ago
It's a long, sad story (get your hanky), but I have spent my entire adult life, in a fellowship that includes some of the most dangerous, selfish, and just downright nuts people on earth. I.e. really interesting and fun people. But ones that often have little respect for personal boundaries. I have learned to enforce my boundaries. I don't expect other to respect them. At the same time, I have found that I don't need to use nukes to enforce my boundaries. Very often, a simple "No, I won't do that." is sufficient, as opposed "OMG! Get the hell away from me, you maniac!". Also, and I feel this is a lesson that many folks these days, could benefit from, if I initiate a relationship with hostility, it is likely to forevermore be a non-productive relationship. It usually costs me nothing, to initiate relationships with courtesy. The other party may still be an uncouth bastard, but control of the future of the relationship is now in my hands; not theirs. I can still maintain courtesy, and am able to avoid dunking the relationship immediately.

everdrive 3y ago

I used to be in a similar situation. It hurts because I really do want to help people. Often, you're not helping, but merely building co-dependence, or otherwise teaching them to rely on people. (ie, you, or you next enabler.) Pure sympathy really ends up not being the best way to help people. Setting boundaries, and tough love often go much further to actually changing behaviors.

ChrisMarshallNY 3y ago

It's a long, sad story (get your hanky), but I have spent my entire adult life, in a fellowship that includes some of the most dangerous, selfish, and just downright nuts people on earth. I.e. really interesting and fun people. But ones that often have little respect for personal boundaries. I have learned to enforce my boundaries. I don't expect other to respect them. At the same time, I have found that I don't need to use nukes to enforce my boundaries. Very often, a simple "No, I won't do that." is sufficient, as opposed "OMG! Get the hell away from me, you maniac!". Also, and I feel this is a lesson that many folks these days, could benefit from, if I initiate a relationship with hostility, it is likely to forevermore be a non-productive relationship. It usually costs me nothing, to initiate relationships with courtesy. The other party may still be an uncouth bastard, but control of the future of the relationship is now in my hands; not theirs. I can still maintain courtesy, and am able to avoid dunking the relationship immediately.