Could it be that you won't apologise because a part of you fears that the apology might be used against you? The recovery process will necessarily pass by trus

Could it be that you won't apologise because a part of you fears that the apology might be used against you? The recovery process will necessarily pass by trusting people again, and making yourself vulnerable to them. That is the only way you can experience that they behave like normal human beings who won't exploit your weaknesses.