4 ms·

My father was quite abusive to myself and siblings, and now we all cut off contact, but he refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions. Everything is s

My father was quite abusive to myself and siblings, and now we all cut off contact, but he refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions. Everything is someone else’s fault, he’s the victim, everyone is teaming up against him, etc. If you take the checklist for narcissistic personality disorder he hits all of them spot-on. Really nothing you can do but become estranged and raise your own children better.

tomcam 4y ago
> we all cut off contact I had to do that too. Stay strong.
fugalfervor 4y ago
My mother has NPD. That disorder is very hard on the children. I am grateful to my wife, and for my son. We are doing things better for sure.
- monero-xmr 4y ago
  Out of all the traits, I think an inability empathize - simply to put yourself in someone else’s shoes - is the defining characteristic. Whether you are dealing with a child, a spouse, a service worker, a friend - the afflicted cannot understand how someone else feels. The “me” focus is overarching and permeates all thoughts and actions. One memory sticks out that perfectly encompasses his malady, is when my wife cooked a big meal for a gathering which included in-laws, friends, and neighbors. When she announced dinner was going to be served, he filled a plate with food and ate by himself at the table, before anyone else had sat down or been served. When asked later why he did that, he came up with a few reasons which essentially were “I was hungry”. I’m leaving out all manner of physical, emotional, manipulative, financial abuse he inflicted but the above anecdote is such a pure distillation of the lack of social grace combined with intense self-indulgence.
- squokko 4y ago
  I looked up NPD... what would you say is different between "having NPD" and "being a colossal asshole"?
  - eric-burel 4y ago
    Thinking of it as a disorder might help taking rational actions to fight it, like any sickness, eg get away from the person, understanding it's not your fault, and maybe get them medical attention etc
  - fugalfervor 4y ago
    In effect, and to the abused, absolutely nothing. For those treating patients with NPD, the diagnosis provides a framework for understanding and treatment. Most with the disorder will not seek treatment, as they don't think they have a problem.
  - FredPret 4y ago
    CAD - colossal asshole disorder
  - lostapathy 4y ago
    NPD is largely defined by the inability to experience empathy. They don’t know they are assholes, or worse, feed of a high they get when people think they are assholes when they think they are right.
  - fugalfervor 4y ago
    Also, consider that many psychiatrists and psychologists believed that the 45th president had this disorder. Some who worked with him (Paul Ryan, for example) were convinced as well. Of course, diagnosis from afar is fraught, as is diagnosis by non professionals. But I think the former president provides a good frame of reference for how people with NPD behave, but taken to an almost surreal extreme.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
justinclift 3y ago
Wow, that's pretty much exactly the behaviour of my mother. Also cut off all contact due to it too.

tomcam 4y ago

> we all cut off contact I had to do that too. Stay strong.

fugalfervor 4y ago

My mother has NPD. That disorder is very hard on the children. I am grateful to my wife, and for my son. We are doing things better for sure.

monero-xmr 4y ago
Out of all the traits, I think an inability empathize - simply to put yourself in someone else’s shoes - is the defining characteristic. Whether you are dealing with a child, a spouse, a service worker, a friend - the afflicted cannot understand how someone else feels. The “me” focus is overarching and permeates all thoughts and actions. One memory sticks out that perfectly encompasses his malady, is when my wife cooked a big meal for a gathering which included in-laws, friends, and neighbors. When she announced dinner was going to be served, he filled a plate with food and ate by himself at the table, before anyone else had sat down or been served. When asked later why he did that, he came up with a few reasons which essentially were “I was hungry”. I’m leaving out all manner of physical, emotional, manipulative, financial abuse he inflicted but the above anecdote is such a pure distillation of the lack of social grace combined with intense self-indulgence.
squokko 4y ago
I looked up NPD... what would you say is different between "having NPD" and "being a colossal asshole"?
- eric-burel 4y ago
  Thinking of it as a disorder might help taking rational actions to fight it, like any sickness, eg get away from the person, understanding it's not your fault, and maybe get them medical attention etc
- fugalfervor 4y ago
  In effect, and to the abused, absolutely nothing. For those treating patients with NPD, the diagnosis provides a framework for understanding and treatment. Most with the disorder will not seek treatment, as they don't think they have a problem.
- FredPret 4y ago
  CAD - colossal asshole disorder
- lostapathy 4y ago
  NPD is largely defined by the inability to experience empathy. They don’t know they are assholes, or worse, feed of a high they get when people think they are assholes when they think they are right.
- fugalfervor 4y ago
  Also, consider that many psychiatrists and psychologists believed that the 45th president had this disorder. Some who worked with him (Paul Ryan, for example) were convinced as well. Of course, diagnosis from afar is fraught, as is diagnosis by non professionals. But I think the former president provides a good frame of reference for how people with NPD behave, but taken to an almost surreal extreme.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

justinclift 3y ago

Wow, that's pretty much exactly the behaviour of my mother. Also cut off all contact due to it too.