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>Babysit a few different ages. That's such a weird thing to say. If I said "you can model what its like to be in a happy marriage. Hang out with some randos

>Babysit a few different ages. That's such a weird thing to say. If I said "you can model what its like to be in a happy marriage. Hang out with some randos wife for a bit" you'd think that is crazy. Plenty of kids are little shits. I really really like my kid (and some others). Just like I wouldn't marry most people I meet...

paulryanrogers 4y ago
It's an approximation of course. IME far better than just hoping you'll like it and adapt, having never done anything like it. Dating and living together before marriage is much the same idea. Of course you may babysit a bad kid and have your own great kids. Babysitting first will still at least provide a frame of reference.
- ksaun 4y ago
  I think what we parents are trying to communicate is that babysitting does not compare with parenting much at all. (I can't think of an effective analogy, unfortunately.) It is true that parenting isn't for everyone. But you can find babysitting unpleasant and yet still find much joy and fulfillment in parenting. So I wouldn't suggest allowing your babysitting experiences to play a significant role in your decision about whether to have children. (The inverse might be the case, though -- if you really enjoy babysitting then that could bode well for you liking parenting. I can't speak as well to that, but it seems plausible.) And, as others have said, your coparent is a huge factor as well.
  - paulryanrogers 3y ago
    "we parents"? You certainly don't speak for me and I have several children. I thought (and was told) my negative babysitting experiences were too narrow, unlike real parenting, and my hormones would change. IME none of that was true and I regret not giving the childcare experience more weight in whether to have (and how many) kids. And trust me, not everyone's hormones will change enough to overcome the costs, or otherwise find "special little moments".
    - ksaun 3y ago
      By "we parents," I was referring to those who had already posted similar opinions on this subthread. I didn't intend to imply I was speaking for all parents. (E.g., you had not posted yet, so you were not among those "trying to communicate.") I apologize that I was insufficiently precise with my wording to prevent misinterpretation, or if I misrepresented the "we" that I did implicate. I agree, of course, that not every parent will feel it was worth the costs. And I didn't even give my personal opinion on that. My statement, which I still stand by, is that negative experiences babysitting should not be given heavy weight in the decision. Babysitting and parenting are not comparable experiences. I accept and concede that for some people maybe they feel similar enough in that they dislike both; I do not think this invalidates my point. (I'm unfamiliar with the "hormones" argument and cannot speak to that.)
- thatguymike 4y ago
  Still strong disagree with that, having kids involves a lot of rote activities that are infused with meaning and joy if they’re for your kids. If you have a strong enough reaction that babysitting will give useful information (because you omg love kids, or because the very sound of crying makes you vomit) then you probably know that already; otherwise the babysitting exercise is going to be completely misleading.
  - paulryanrogers 3y ago
    Not everyone will find the decades of chores suddenly "infused with meaning and joy". People should be cautioned because if they're like me then they'll find they hate it and regret many of the decisions.
jemmyw 4y ago
Agreed, this would be a terrible measure. I can't stand other people's kids. But I enjoy being a parent. It is vastly different.

paulryanrogers 4y ago

It's an approximation of course. IME far better than just hoping you'll like it and adapt, having never done anything like it. Dating and living together before marriage is much the same idea. Of course you may babysit a bad kid and have your own great kids. Babysitting first will still at least provide a frame of reference.

ksaun 4y ago
I think what we parents are trying to communicate is that babysitting does not compare with parenting much at all. (I can't think of an effective analogy, unfortunately.) It is true that parenting isn't for everyone. But you can find babysitting unpleasant and yet still find much joy and fulfillment in parenting. So I wouldn't suggest allowing your babysitting experiences to play a significant role in your decision about whether to have children. (The inverse might be the case, though -- if you really enjoy babysitting then that could bode well for you liking parenting. I can't speak as well to that, but it seems plausible.) And, as others have said, your coparent is a huge factor as well.
- paulryanrogers 3y ago
  "we parents"? You certainly don't speak for me and I have several children. I thought (and was told) my negative babysitting experiences were too narrow, unlike real parenting, and my hormones would change. IME none of that was true and I regret not giving the childcare experience more weight in whether to have (and how many) kids. And trust me, not everyone's hormones will change enough to overcome the costs, or otherwise find "special little moments".
  - ksaun 3y ago
    By "we parents," I was referring to those who had already posted similar opinions on this subthread. I didn't intend to imply I was speaking for all parents. (E.g., you had not posted yet, so you were not among those "trying to communicate.") I apologize that I was insufficiently precise with my wording to prevent misinterpretation, or if I misrepresented the "we" that I did implicate. I agree, of course, that not every parent will feel it was worth the costs. And I didn't even give my personal opinion on that. My statement, which I still stand by, is that negative experiences babysitting should not be given heavy weight in the decision. Babysitting and parenting are not comparable experiences. I accept and concede that for some people maybe they feel similar enough in that they dislike both; I do not think this invalidates my point. (I'm unfamiliar with the "hormones" argument and cannot speak to that.)
thatguymike 4y ago
Still strong disagree with that, having kids involves a lot of rote activities that are infused with meaning and joy if they’re for your kids. If you have a strong enough reaction that babysitting will give useful information (because you omg love kids, or because the very sound of crying makes you vomit) then you probably know that already; otherwise the babysitting exercise is going to be completely misleading.
- paulryanrogers 3y ago
  Not everyone will find the decades of chores suddenly "infused with meaning and joy". People should be cautioned because if they're like me then they'll find they hate it and regret many of the decisions.

jemmyw 4y ago

Agreed, this would be a terrible measure. I can't stand other people's kids. But I enjoy being a parent. It is vastly different.