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Be somewhere where people congregate repeatedly. Regular at a pub, bouldering gym, arts meetup. Really anything where you'll see the same people consistently.
by 0_____0 3y ago
Be somewhere where people congregate repeatedly. Regular at a pub, bouldering gym, arts meetup. Really anything where you'll see the same people consistently.
My rule of thumb that it takes something like 3 reasonable length conversations with someone in a short timespan (weeks to a couple months, short enough that you remember the person and their associated context each time) before you really exist to each other.
So ask yourself, what interests do I have that will facilitate this repeat interaction? Then you are left with the work of figuring out what groups and events exist, and actually going to them consistently.
- watwut 3y agoI went climbing for years alone and did not found friends there. People come in preexisting groups and don't talk outside them. At least here. They are nice, but the extend of socialization is "can I use this wall now" question.
- i_r7al 3y agoSame exact experience. People already have their friends. I’m the weirdo coming by myself.
- fuzzfactor 3y agoYou give lots of good advice. I would add that it helps tremendously if you have some hospitality to offer, or can build up to that.
- i_r7al 3y agoBut my biggest problem is if I went there 4-5 times already and did’t make friends. Then I start become the weird person who comes there and does’t know anyone. Then I stop going.
- sircastor 3y agoHas this been confirmed by anyone, or is it something happening in your head? I have a lot of these “what ifs” that are unsubstantiated - they’re my anxiety popping up. I don’t know if that’s you, but what you wrote feels familiar. I suspect most people aren’t thinking about you that much.
- dandellion 3y agoThat matches my experience, since for me "what interests do I have that will facilitate this repeat interaction" is an empty set. The last time I made a friend was in an online game more than ten years ago, and it was before most games dropped private servers for random matchmaking. I've made "casual friends" with a couple people at work, but since the pandemic we've only been meeting two or three times a year so it's a very shallow relationship.
- 0_____0 3y agoDo LAN parties still exist? There used to be actual physical community around gaming and it's a shame it's died off.
- officeplant 3y agoI'm part of a local community trying to keep them alive here. It's both sad to see a bunch of college kids completely new to the LAN concept, but encouraging to hear their remarks about how much fun they had. We used to have a few "LAN Centers" that shutdown around 5 or 6 years ago, but were dying since 2010. My friends and I are all in our 30s enjoy bringing Quake3, UT2k4, Age of Empires II, Warcraft 2 / 3, Red Alert 2, Soldat and other LAN favorites to a new generation. Although I'm still struggling to convince them to let me destroy everyone in DOOM2/Quake1.
- dandellion 3y agoAs far as I know there were only a couple serious ones in my country. I went a few times to one that stopped 12 years ago or so. The other one has one last tweet announcing it was getting cancelled due to covid.
- itsoktocry 3y ago>Be somewhere where people congregate repeatedly. Regular at a pub, bouldering gym, arts meetup. Really anything where you'll see the same people consistently. Agreed. If you're introverted, find a "club" or sport that you enjoy and just start participating. You automatically become part of the circle, in my experience.
- em-bee 3y agoi can confirm that. it happened to me. went to a session to play irish folk. barely talked to anybody. every week i was just there to play. but after a few months everyone, including me was invited to a birthday party. part of the circle...