I knew nothing about your product just by reading your title, so these are my complete first impressions: 1) In the second sentence, I'm expecting to hear the

I knew nothing about your product just by reading your title, so these are my complete first impressions: 1) In the second sentence, I'm expecting to hear the first pitch for the product. Generally speaking: with Spaceship, we ultimately aim to lift your creative process to a new level of productivity and fun. Why "generally" speaking? You don't want to speak generally, you want to speak specifically about what you're offering. Secondly, you introduce your product with its benefits. That's great for most sales situations (think of all of the TV commercials that start with "Imagine if..."), but can be confusing for technical products like software. I want to know what your product does. 2) This is a really strong insight: We found and tried a lot of products that try to simulate analog tools like note-taking apps or virtual whiteboards. Web afficionados work together in Google Docs. A forward-thinking filmmaker might manually copy character mugshots into a Dropbox folder. We heard of people who like the experience of Evernote. 3) The video is great. You're using the application to demo the application. Fantastic. But where's the audio? Why aren't you speaking with me directly? If you aren't comfortable with speaking, hire a friend for cheap.