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Just today we were being lectured by our pediatrician that our two year old needs to sleep in her own bed, in her own room. When we asked why, she went on a tan

Just today we were being lectured by our pediatrician that our two year old needs to sleep in her own bed, in her own room. When we asked why, she went on a tangent that parents also need their own sleep and that she did it with her own kids when they were a few months old, and that she couldn't imagine getting much sleep with her kids etc etc. Basically, she didn't have any scientific arguments why it was better for her to sleep separately, other than "that's how things always have been done" and projecting her own preferences onto us.

A4ET8a8uTh0 3y ago
FWIW, doctors have opinions as well. We are all only humans after all. Naturally, we have higher standards for well compensated professionals and we do expect more than platitudes from such professionals. All that said, your experience does bring up an interesting point though. At the end of the day, you are the parent. As it relates to the care for your kid, you outrank them ( with some exceptions, but those usually apply for a very good reason ). They are there to help you make a good decision, but you are not bound by their words. Unfortunately, like in every profession, they can be 'bad' doctors or ones that don't want to learn new things or both. Not to search very far, the sugar debate is now mainstream and doctors I talked to recently acknowledged that a lot of that word of mouth 'there is too much sugar in everything' has a point to it. In their defense, there is a lot of research that supports it now, but how long did it take to make it happen? << today we were being lectured by our pediatrician I hear you. It is an aggravating experience and unless there is a good reason to keep that doctor, I would consider making a change. The relationship should not be an unpleasant one. In my neck of the woods, ours recommended covid shot for our kid on the basis that 'everyone does it'. Before I had a chance to go on a rant, my wife simply said no. There was some back and forth, but no remained a no. I could offer more stories, but I don't really want anyone to extrapolate to some general wisdom. Each case is different and every one of us have to weigh those risks.
epolanski 3y ago
There is scientific literature confirming that around 12/18 months child indeed should start sleeping separately from their parents. Actually lots of literature point to much earlier. Children need to develop their self soothing abilities as well as awareness that parents aren't always there already at this crucial age. She wasn't projecting her preferences, it's dangerous to raise over protected children, separation anxiety in infants is normal but the response is to gradually increase the amount of separation week after week. 2 years old sleeping with child might actually be dangerous and I'm surprised hn would upvote a random netizen ignoring a professional's suggestion, only infants should sleep with parents. [1] https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140/1/e20170122/37986/Mother-Infant-Room-Sharing-and-Sleep-Outcomes-in?redirectedFrom=fulltext https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140... [2]https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079210001322 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S10870...
lucumo 3y ago
> she went on a tangent that parents also need their own sleep I know this seems like a tangent, but it's not. We all want to do the best we possibly can for our children, and yes, being a parent comes with a willingness to sacrifice yourself for them. The problem is that those kids depend on you for more than just their need in the moment. You can sacrifice your night's sleep for theirs, but you still need to be able to take care of them the next day and the years after that. At the end of the day, only parents can decide where the trade-off is, because only they are close enough to see what the baby needs and only they know how much they themselves can give. There's no shortage of people that will tell you about The Right Way. It doesn't really seem correlated with any kind of medical degree either. Just remember that what worked for them, doesn't necessarily work for you. Take their ideas as ideas to think about, but not as rules to live by. You are different and your babies are different.
- polishdude20 3y ago
  We've sort of had this feeling since we got a puppy last month. There's always that trade-off you're doing that needs to take into account your own long term willingness and ability to care for this lifeform.

A4ET8a8uTh0 3y ago

FWIW, doctors have opinions as well. We are all only humans after all. Naturally, we have higher standards for well compensated professionals and we do expect more than platitudes from such professionals. All that said, your experience does bring up an interesting point though. At the end of the day, you are the parent. As it relates to the care for your kid, you outrank them ( with some exceptions, but those usually apply for a very good reason ). They are there to help you make a good decision, but you are not bound by their words. Unfortunately, like in every profession, they can be 'bad' doctors or ones that don't want to learn new things or both. Not to search very far, the sugar debate is now mainstream and doctors I talked to recently acknowledged that a lot of that word of mouth 'there is too much sugar in everything' has a point to it. In their defense, there is a lot of research that supports it now, but how long did it take to make it happen? << today we were being lectured by our pediatrician I hear you. It is an aggravating experience and unless there is a good reason to keep that doctor, I would consider making a change. The relationship should not be an unpleasant one. In my neck of the woods, ours recommended covid shot for our kid on the basis that 'everyone does it'. Before I had a chance to go on a rant, my wife simply said no. There was some back and forth, but no remained a no. I could offer more stories, but I don't really want anyone to extrapolate to some general wisdom. Each case is different and every one of us have to weigh those risks.

epolanski 3y ago

There is scientific literature confirming that around 12/18 months child indeed should start sleeping separately from their parents. Actually lots of literature point to much earlier. Children need to develop their self soothing abilities as well as awareness that parents aren't always there already at this crucial age. She wasn't projecting her preferences, it's dangerous to raise over protected children, separation anxiety in infants is normal but the response is to gradually increase the amount of separation week after week. 2 years old sleeping with child might actually be dangerous and I'm surprised hn would upvote a random netizen ignoring a professional's suggestion, only infants should sleep with parents. [1] https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140/1/e20170122/37986/Mother-Infant-Room-Sharing-and-Sleep-Outcomes-in?redirectedFrom=fulltext https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140... [2]https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079210001322 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S10870...

lucumo 3y ago

> she went on a tangent that parents also need their own sleep I know this seems like a tangent, but it's not. We all want to do the best we possibly can for our children, and yes, being a parent comes with a willingness to sacrifice yourself for them. The problem is that those kids depend on you for more than just their need in the moment. You can sacrifice your night's sleep for theirs, but you still need to be able to take care of them the next day and the years after that. At the end of the day, only parents can decide where the trade-off is, because only they are close enough to see what the baby needs and only they know how much they themselves can give. There's no shortage of people that will tell you about The Right Way. It doesn't really seem correlated with any kind of medical degree either. Just remember that what worked for them, doesn't necessarily work for you. Take their ideas as ideas to think about, but not as rules to live by. You are different and your babies are different.

polishdude20 3y ago
We've sort of had this feeling since we got a puppy last month. There's always that trade-off you're doing that needs to take into account your own long term willingness and ability to care for this lifeform.