6 ms·

Ask HN: What would you tell yourself in your 40s?

22 points by xupybd 3y ago

If you could give advice to your younger self in your 40s what would it be?

hackernoteng 3y ago
Max out your retirement accounts into index funds. Play a team sport. Take care of your health and fitness. Build some muscle. Dont waste time living or workin in a place you dont want to be.
- jleyank 3y ago
  Yes to all of this, but most importantly don’t defer things you really want to do “for later” or “for retirement” as the knees might not hold out and the people you want to do it with might be gone. Somehow, save for the future and live for the present as you never know what will happen.
manikagg101 3y ago
I like how Mathew McConaughey spoke about chasing your best version (your older version) in his Oscar winning speech. Check out his speech here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD2cVhC-63I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD2cVhC-63I
mattbrewsbytes 3y ago
Don't be so quick to upgrade the "stuff" you have - cars, phones, computers, etc. You don't realize it and won't admit it but you're playing the "keeping up with the Joneses" game. Your pay increases are better suited to be dumped into entire stock market index funds (VTSAX for example) and left alone. You might just end up in your 40's as financially independent or at least be looking at not needing employment by your 50's. Occasional upgrades are fine and necessary sometimes but try to outright purchase them, especially cars - start small with what you can fully purchase and save until you can fully purchase the next one. When you consider buying a house realize you likely need to own that home for 7 years before you reach a break-even point (first years are lot of interest payments). Home ownership has many additional costs people neglect to think through when buying - all the mechanical systems are yours to maintain, the appliances, the upkeep like lawn, paint, pests, HOA dues, property taxes, etc. At least in the last 6-7 years the amount of mortgage interest + taxes hasn't broken the US Standard Deduction for my household so the advantage of lowering your federal income taxes may not be there either.
- mattmanser 3y ago
  That 7 years figure is absolute nonsense. Even in more "normal" interest rate periods (pre-2008) the advice was 2-3 years (mainly because of property taxes). For example a three bed house might be £1200 to rent, but even at a 4% mortgage a £250k house costs roughly the same in mortgage payments and only roughly £400 will be interest payment each month. In 7 years that's £67,200 in equity the home owner has accrued while the renter has nothing. Even taking off fees of a few thousand shows your sums are very, very, very wrong. Worse still, if you're talking about the LAST 7 years you've made an even bigger mistake. Because interest rates were so low you'd have been paying much less in interest and had you been overpaying your mortgage as if you'd been paying the rent for the same property you could probably have accrued £80k in equity. Plus all the house value increases, probably add on another £50k. So if you listened to this person 7 years ago it would have cost you £130,000. Not just a little bit wrong in their advice, but staggeringly, stupendously, wrong. And I say this as someone who made this mistake 20 years ago and cost myself probably £150k+. Always overpay your mortgage when the interest rate is low!
  - houseaccount 3y ago
    It would be best to use a rent vs buy calculator. You have to make some assumptions when figuring out the optimal number of years like how much the value of the home will go up, how much rent will go up, etc.
  - mattbrewsbytes 3y ago
    Here in the US mortgages are typically 30 years, so taking your $250k @ 4% example over 30 years is $1200/month. After 7 years you'd have paid $35k in Principle and $66k in Interest [0] leaving a balance of $214k. The $1200 mortgage payment doesn't include property/school taxes per the jurisdiction, estimate $300/month, it doesn't include PMI (mortgage insurance for putting down less than 20%), it doesn't include HOA fees either which we'll estimate PMI+HOA at $100/month. So the total cost per month is $1600 which is $134,400 over 7 years. Property taxes and HOA fees could be a lot higher depending on location and they also typically increase every couple years, I'll keep it simple and skip those facts. After 7 years of owning that $250k home you will have paid $134k in total costs for it and property taxes, PMI and HOA, not including any maintenance costs (see my comment about maintenance/mechanical systems). So your $250k home will have to have appreciated over 50% in 7 years and be worth $384k for you to cover the costs of property taxes, PMI and HOA fees plus the mortgage principle+interest. If its less than $384k you are not breaking even (I'm not adding in all the extra stuff that happens with owning a home either). Real estate advice is also generic and location matters a lot. These past few years property values have soared, which is unusual. They haven't soared everywhere though. Inflation has also soared along with interest rates so yes on paper a house may have inflated value (like +50%) but the numbers of buyers and sellers has gone down dramatically, values will also fall from their highs. [0] https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/amortization-calculator/ https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/amortization-calculator/
AnimalMuppet 3y ago
Your kids need and deserve more of your time and thought than you are giving them.
- throwawaysalome 3y ago
  All of recorded history suggests nature dominates nurture in positive outcomes. The better advice would be, your spousal choice deserves more time and thought than most people give it.
  - zepolen 3y ago
    Could you please expand on this?
    - toomuchtodo 3y ago
      Picking the wrong spouse will destroy your life in every way, financially, emotionally, logistically. Pick someone you’re confident you can go to war with. (married 15 years, together 20, got lucky)
      - throwawaysalome 3y ago
        True, the wrong spouse takes more years off your life than living under the Heathrow flight path. But my point was spend time with your kids if you want. Kids are awesome. But if you still give a shit about your career, don't feel guilty about missing junior's bar mitzvah. If his genetic stock isn't marred by a poor spousal choice, the only long-term damage is the memoir chapter he'll write about the absentee dad who didn't witness his building Amazon.com, or winning several NBA championships.
      - austin-cheney 3y ago
        I celebrated my 20th this year. Best decision I ever made. I had no idea I was picking my future best friend when I first met her. Jobs (and even careers) may come go, but a good marriage is eternal.
      - 3y ago
markus_zhang 3y ago
Transfer to a CS/CE program and exercise once per day. And buy Bitcoin when it's cheap.
- nullcaution 3y ago
  > Bitcoin when it's cheap "Your 40, time to start buying loto tickets I guess."
  - markus_zhang 3y ago
    Sorry I don't remember the numbers...
bhu1st 3y ago
Keep a habit of journaling important stuffs that happened in your day to day life. When you want to look back at how you ended up where you are your journals give you a great glimpse. Also it improves your writing, attention span and helps you free your mind.

22 points by xupybd 3y ago

If you could give advice to your younger self in your 40s what would it be?

Max out your retirement accounts into index funds. Play a team sport. Take care of your health and fitness. Build some muscle. Dont waste time living or workin in a place you dont want to be.

jleyank 3y ago
Yes to all of this, but most importantly don’t defer things you really want to do “for later” or “for retirement” as the knees might not hold out and the people you want to do it with might be gone. Somehow, save for the future and live for the present as you never know what will happen.

manikagg101 3y ago

I like how Mathew McConaughey spoke about chasing your best version (your older version) in his Oscar winning speech. Check out his speech here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD2cVhC-63I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD2cVhC-63I

mattbrewsbytes 3y ago

Don't be so quick to upgrade the "stuff" you have - cars, phones, computers, etc. You don't realize it and won't admit it but you're playing the "keeping up with the Joneses" game. Your pay increases are better suited to be dumped into entire stock market index funds (VTSAX for example) and left alone. You might just end up in your 40's as financially independent or at least be looking at not needing employment by your 50's. Occasional upgrades are fine and necessary sometimes but try to outright purchase them, especially cars - start small with what you can fully purchase and save until you can fully purchase the next one. When you consider buying a house realize you likely need to own that home for 7 years before you reach a break-even point (first years are lot of interest payments). Home ownership has many additional costs people neglect to think through when buying - all the mechanical systems are yours to maintain, the appliances, the upkeep like lawn, paint, pests, HOA dues, property taxes, etc. At least in the last 6-7 years the amount of mortgage interest + taxes hasn't broken the US Standard Deduction for my household so the advantage of lowering your federal income taxes may not be there either.

mattmanser 3y ago
That 7 years figure is absolute nonsense. Even in more "normal" interest rate periods (pre-2008) the advice was 2-3 years (mainly because of property taxes). For example a three bed house might be £1200 to rent, but even at a 4% mortgage a £250k house costs roughly the same in mortgage payments and only roughly £400 will be interest payment each month. In 7 years that's £67,200 in equity the home owner has accrued while the renter has nothing. Even taking off fees of a few thousand shows your sums are very, very, very wrong. Worse still, if you're talking about the LAST 7 years you've made an even bigger mistake. Because interest rates were so low you'd have been paying much less in interest and had you been overpaying your mortgage as if you'd been paying the rent for the same property you could probably have accrued £80k in equity. Plus all the house value increases, probably add on another £50k. So if you listened to this person 7 years ago it would have cost you £130,000. Not just a little bit wrong in their advice, but staggeringly, stupendously, wrong. And I say this as someone who made this mistake 20 years ago and cost myself probably £150k+. Always overpay your mortgage when the interest rate is low!
- houseaccount 3y ago
  It would be best to use a rent vs buy calculator. You have to make some assumptions when figuring out the optimal number of years like how much the value of the home will go up, how much rent will go up, etc.
- mattbrewsbytes 3y ago
  Here in the US mortgages are typically 30 years, so taking your $250k @ 4% example over 30 years is $1200/month. After 7 years you'd have paid $35k in Principle and $66k in Interest [0] leaving a balance of $214k. The $1200 mortgage payment doesn't include property/school taxes per the jurisdiction, estimate $300/month, it doesn't include PMI (mortgage insurance for putting down less than 20%), it doesn't include HOA fees either which we'll estimate PMI+HOA at $100/month. So the total cost per month is $1600 which is $134,400 over 7 years. Property taxes and HOA fees could be a lot higher depending on location and they also typically increase every couple years, I'll keep it simple and skip those facts. After 7 years of owning that $250k home you will have paid $134k in total costs for it and property taxes, PMI and HOA, not including any maintenance costs (see my comment about maintenance/mechanical systems). So your $250k home will have to have appreciated over 50% in 7 years and be worth $384k for you to cover the costs of property taxes, PMI and HOA fees plus the mortgage principle+interest. If its less than $384k you are not breaking even (I'm not adding in all the extra stuff that happens with owning a home either). Real estate advice is also generic and location matters a lot. These past few years property values have soared, which is unusual. They haven't soared everywhere though. Inflation has also soared along with interest rates so yes on paper a house may have inflated value (like +50%) but the numbers of buyers and sellers has gone down dramatically, values will also fall from their highs. [0] https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/amortization-calculator/ https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/amortization-calculator/

AnimalMuppet 3y ago

Your kids need and deserve more of your time and thought than you are giving them.

throwawaysalome 3y ago
All of recorded history suggests nature dominates nurture in positive outcomes. The better advice would be, your spousal choice deserves more time and thought than most people give it.
- zepolen 3y ago
  Could you please expand on this?
  - toomuchtodo 3y ago
    Picking the wrong spouse will destroy your life in every way, financially, emotionally, logistically. Pick someone you’re confident you can go to war with. (married 15 years, together 20, got lucky)
    - throwawaysalome 3y ago
      True, the wrong spouse takes more years off your life than living under the Heathrow flight path. But my point was spend time with your kids if you want. Kids are awesome. But if you still give a shit about your career, don't feel guilty about missing junior's bar mitzvah. If his genetic stock isn't marred by a poor spousal choice, the only long-term damage is the memoir chapter he'll write about the absentee dad who didn't witness his building Amazon.com, or winning several NBA championships.
    - austin-cheney 3y ago
      I celebrated my 20th this year. Best decision I ever made. I had no idea I was picking my future best friend when I first met her. Jobs (and even careers) may come go, but a good marriage is eternal.
    - 3y ago

markus_zhang 3y ago

Transfer to a CS/CE program and exercise once per day. And buy Bitcoin when it's cheap.

nullcaution 3y ago
> Bitcoin when it's cheap "Your 40, time to start buying loto tickets I guess."
- markus_zhang 3y ago
  Sorry I don't remember the numbers...

bhu1st 3y ago

Keep a habit of journaling important stuffs that happened in your day to day life. When you want to look back at how you ended up where you are your journals give you a great glimpse. Also it improves your writing, attention span and helps you free your mind.