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Ask HN: Seeking life advice. Monotony, boredom, brain fog
First I want to say at the start thank you to anyone that reads this and provides advice.
I am posting on this forum because I am a software developer with 12 years experience, living and working in silicon valley, with the same aspirations and goals that I (imagine) many people here have. My life is comfortable and trust me I appreciate that and recognize how lucky I am.
The issue I am dealing with is over the last ~5-6 years I have steadily become more and more bored, burned out, and simply just disconnected. My brain lacks the "spark" that it used to get when I would think about programming, or anything really. I don't enjoy things like I used to, and it feels like my brain just doesn't fire with all cylinders like it did in my 20s.
I worry that years of the same thing, over and over, has dulled me. How does anyone do this for 20+ years? Am I just "different" and require more variability and stimulation in my life, to feel happy? Or am I doing something wrong?
M-F is always the same. Wake up, head to work. Meetings, write software. Go home. Workout, eat dinner, take care of my dog, play some video games for an hour or so. Bed.
Weekends are generally spent doing chores, taking care of the house, and occasionally traveling with my wife.
I feel like I need a break, but not a stupid little 1 week vacation, but like a year, or two of just doing nothing whatsoever. Or, I need to find a way to add enough genuine variability to my life that my interest in software and other hobbies returns.
- throwawaysalome 3y agoExchange hall passes with your wife. That'll put the spring back in your step.
- tossandflip 3y agoI really wish this could work as I absolutely agree it would put some spring back in my step and might even make a huge difference in my quality of life. Unfortunately, I just have a feeling this would destroy our relationship. Maybe that is an indication of a weak relationship, I'm not sure. We've been together for 10 years. EDIT: I should clarify after reading up in more detail on what a "Hall Pass" is. My wife and I could talk in pure hypotheticals about romance with famous people. That is fine. But actually pursuing it is a different story. I think the idea of pursuing other romantic options is, of course, really exciting and motivating... but I'm interested in options that don't destroy my relationship which I have worked hard to maintain, and value immensely.
- surprisetalk 3y agoThanks for sharing. I'd encourage you to envision what you want your life (average day, average month) to look like in 10 years, and work backwards from there. A long vacation might be the answer, but it's much easier to figure out what you need when you know what you want :)
- tossandflip 3y agoI guess the hard part of this question is deciding what is realistic, and what isn't. If I have to answer within the realm of realistic, then my answer is - honestly I don't know. I want to enjoy my life. When I'm working I want to feel excited and invested. When I'm not working I want to feel like my time is well spent. The issue really is, I don't know what I need to do to feel this way. I have a great job, pays well, etc. Comfort is definitely not the issue. I travel occasionally, but that's not sufficient. Life just feels so monotonous and boring but doesn't seem to bother anyone else.