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That's a good point about the illusionary aspect to it all. It's part of why there are so many cultural/social traditions where the polite thing to do is to cou
by waboremo 3y ago
That's a good point about the illusionary aspect to it all. It's part of why there are so many cultural/social traditions where the polite thing to do is to counter-offer. If someone wants to pay for a meal, you're supposed to offer to pay instead, this dance goes on several rounds until you give up allowing the original person to pay, which kind of demonstrates several things one of them being loyalty and commitment.
When this happens in cultures without this tradition, I find that both parties miss out: it doesn't feel as rewarding to pay, and it doesn't feel as rewarding to have your meal paid for because it seems low effort. People almost view that as bragging vs sharing because of that lack of dance. Which is part of the illusion! High effort v low effort.
A safe way to treat people is to allow them the ability to "counter-offer". Dance with them a little, alternatively encourage them for the next event if they want. You can avoid that crude transactional feeling, plus if they are up for it, next event is their choice.
- reducesuffering 3y agoSo https://twitter.com/killersundymann/status/1446131283969589250?lang=en https://twitter.com/killersundymann/status/14461312839695892... but with money
- ilyt 3y agoTIL I'm German. It's just so much less mental effort to be direct. I've also noticed an opposite is a problem, when you don't want something that someone else made (say cookies) many people feel personally attacked that I don't want their cooking. Bitch I'm fat, I don't need more.
- hgsgm 3y agoThis is the Byzantine General problem of relationships. No way to know how many times to go around before stopping.
- Aerbil313 3y agoI haven’t thought of it before, but here in Türkiye that dance is everywhere in life. Not only money related situations, if anyone is going to take/give anything more than the other party, or even if someone will be first to something and other party will be second, that dance is usually performed. I considered it an unnecessary form of kindness until now. But this is fading like any other tradition with great speed, as modernity spreads.