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The vacation home example somehow actually feels less awkward to me, perhaps because my visit doesn’t change the cost incurred by the friend when they’re rentin

The vacation home example somehow actually feels less awkward to me, perhaps because my visit doesn’t change the cost incurred by the friend when they’re renting? (Whereas the restaurant bill feels very awkward and transactional, because the increase is directly related to what I order.)

ghaff 3y ago
I've had friends pick up the meal for a group at the end (as I have as well)--certainly for one other person it's pretty natural so long as one person isn't the one habitually paying. But I agree the restaurant thing feels a bit more transactional. The vacation home thing seems pretty normal. Hey, I'm renting this place and would like some company. As an invitee, I'd probably ask to bring some food or whatever but seems pretty normal.
hnbad 3y ago
Yeah, with the dinner the payment is influenced by whether you come and what you order. With the vacation home it's already paid for. Friends of ours literally invited us to come visit them during their vacation and stay at the rented vacation home because it had a spare bedroom. It didn't feel as awkward as the author makes it out to be, though we did feel the need to ask for reassurance that we weren't inconveniencing them. We also didn't stay for the full term.
colanderman 3y ago
I think the rented vacation home can cut the other way as well -- a friend may feel obligated to come because you spent the money already and expected a guest -- and if they can't come, they'll feel bad about it. The way I navigated a similar situation was -- book the home for a week, and invite several friends to stay for a few nights when/if they're able. The cost isn't an issue then, it's clear that I was benefitting the most (being the only one there for the full week). And because several friends were invited, no one felt a specific obligation to come to make my rental "worth it".
- Semaphor 3y ago
  > I think the rented vacation home can cut the other way as well -- a friend may feel obligated to come because you spent the money already and expected a guest -- and if they can't come, they'll feel bad about it. Yeah, that was my line of thinking. The invite itself isn’t awkward, sounds fun. But taking as it is without context, it suddenly becomes an obligation forced upon me.
- munificent 3y ago
  > book the home for a week, and invite several friends to stay for a few nights when/if they're able. I've done this before too and it was one of the best vacations I've ever taken. I got a house for a couple of weeks and told a handful of friends they're welcome to drop in whenever but to coordinate with the others so that there's always enough beds to go around. It meant I got a nice long vacation. And just when I would be getting bored, a new friend or two would show up.
michaelt 3y ago
> The vacation home example somehow actually feels less awkward to me, perhaps because my visit doesn’t change the cost incurred by the friend when they’re renting? I assume the author is considering the example of someone spending substantially more than they otherwise would have to accommodate guests. For a couple to rent a holiday home with 1 bedroom and invite friends to visit for the day, or sleep on the couch, would be different to the same couple renting a 6-bedroom luxury mansion.

ghaff 3y ago

I've had friends pick up the meal for a group at the end (as I have as well)--certainly for one other person it's pretty natural so long as one person isn't the one habitually paying. But I agree the restaurant thing feels a bit more transactional. The vacation home thing seems pretty normal. Hey, I'm renting this place and would like some company. As an invitee, I'd probably ask to bring some food or whatever but seems pretty normal.

hnbad 3y ago

Yeah, with the dinner the payment is influenced by whether you come and what you order. With the vacation home it's already paid for. Friends of ours literally invited us to come visit them during their vacation and stay at the rented vacation home because it had a spare bedroom. It didn't feel as awkward as the author makes it out to be, though we did feel the need to ask for reassurance that we weren't inconveniencing them. We also didn't stay for the full term.

colanderman 3y ago

I think the rented vacation home can cut the other way as well -- a friend may feel obligated to come because you spent the money already and expected a guest -- and if they can't come, they'll feel bad about it. The way I navigated a similar situation was -- book the home for a week, and invite several friends to stay for a few nights when/if they're able. The cost isn't an issue then, it's clear that I was benefitting the most (being the only one there for the full week). And because several friends were invited, no one felt a specific obligation to come to make my rental "worth it".

Semaphor 3y ago
> I think the rented vacation home can cut the other way as well -- a friend may feel obligated to come because you spent the money already and expected a guest -- and if they can't come, they'll feel bad about it. Yeah, that was my line of thinking. The invite itself isn’t awkward, sounds fun. But taking as it is without context, it suddenly becomes an obligation forced upon me.
munificent 3y ago
> book the home for a week, and invite several friends to stay for a few nights when/if they're able. I've done this before too and it was one of the best vacations I've ever taken. I got a house for a couple of weeks and told a handful of friends they're welcome to drop in whenever but to coordinate with the others so that there's always enough beds to go around. It meant I got a nice long vacation. And just when I would be getting bored, a new friend or two would show up.

michaelt 3y ago

> The vacation home example somehow actually feels less awkward to me, perhaps because my visit doesn’t change the cost incurred by the friend when they’re renting? I assume the author is considering the example of someone spending substantially more than they otherwise would have to accommodate guests. For a couple to rent a holiday home with 1 bedroom and invite friends to visit for the day, or sleep on the couch, would be different to the same couple renting a 6-bedroom luxury mansion.