I couldn't make it to the part where either the irony or seriousness of this piece is revealed, but if not written in irony: I never thought I'd live to see th

I couldn't make it to the part where either the irony or seriousness of this piece is revealed, but if not written in irony: I never thought I'd live to see the day when my highest-confidence source of information is the (seriously fucking) old people that hang out at the donut shop at 5am.