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> You upset them so deeply that they respond by unleashing the incredibly vicious-yet-perceptive tirade that they’ve been stewing on since the incident, reducin

by chrsig 3y ago

> You upset them so deeply that they respond by unleashing the incredibly vicious-yet-perceptive tirade that they’ve been stewing on since the incident, reducing you to tears. Congratulations on hiring someone in the bottom ~2% of professionalism? At least your conscience can be clean at this point I guess. "Well your reaction was bad, so it doesn't matter what I did" This sort of discounts what the manager did to piss the person off, and if it's a recurring thing. A tirade isn't usually the first response. Maybe consider that you've overlooked some cues leading up to it.

plaguepilled 3y ago
I am not sure I agree with this assessment. A tirade isn't the first response and it deserves attention and a degree of empathy, but it is unprofessional almost universally. You generally don't need to do it (it is not competitively advantageous to try) and does not make the tirader nor the tiraded feel better. This is not to say a colleague should be a zen automaton that never feels discontent. However, learning not to get too upset when giving feedback, and similarly, giving feedback before you are that upset, are professional skills. So when the author says they can feel better about the interaction, it might make more sense to read that as "yes, I did something wrong, but this was also quite a silly exchange and it sort of lifts the intensity off a bit". Which, considering the author is indicating that they're worried they said the wrong thing to begin with, would make sense (since they are attempting to empathise).
deleted 3y ago
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alex_lav 3y ago
> This sort of discounts what the manager did to piss the person off I don't agree at all. Short of legitimate, open malice, this type of behavior is pretty much never warranted.
- chrsig 3y ago
  The persons reaction doesn't negate any problem with the managers behavior. For what it's worth, I don't think there's a shortage of malice, passive aggressive, instigating behaviors that occur in the workplace that can lead up to a such reaction.
  - alex_lav 3y ago
    > The persons reaction doesn't negate any problem with the managers behavior. Tirades immediately discredit one's point. Having a tantrum is not the path to solving workplace issues. > For what it's worth, I don't think there's a shortage of malice, passive aggressive, instigating behaviors that occur in the workplace that can lead up to a such reaction. If you'd actually like to move the needle on solving those issues, having a tantrum is not the path forward.

by chrsig 3y ago

plaguepilled 3y ago

I am not sure I agree with this assessment. A tirade isn't the first response and it deserves attention and a degree of empathy, but it is unprofessional almost universally. You generally don't need to do it (it is not competitively advantageous to try) and does not make the tirader nor the tiraded feel better. This is not to say a colleague should be a zen automaton that never feels discontent. However, learning not to get too upset when giving feedback, and similarly, giving feedback before you are that upset, are professional skills. So when the author says they can feel better about the interaction, it might make more sense to read that as "yes, I did something wrong, but this was also quite a silly exchange and it sort of lifts the intensity off a bit". Which, considering the author is indicating that they're worried they said the wrong thing to begin with, would make sense (since they are attempting to empathise).

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

alex_lav 3y ago

> This sort of discounts what the manager did to piss the person off I don't agree at all. Short of legitimate, open malice, this type of behavior is pretty much never warranted.

chrsig 3y ago
The persons reaction doesn't negate any problem with the managers behavior. For what it's worth, I don't think there's a shortage of malice, passive aggressive, instigating behaviors that occur in the workplace that can lead up to a such reaction.
- alex_lav 3y ago
  > The persons reaction doesn't negate any problem with the managers behavior. Tirades immediately discredit one's point. Having a tantrum is not the path to solving workplace issues. > For what it's worth, I don't think there's a shortage of malice, passive aggressive, instigating behaviors that occur in the workplace that can lead up to a such reaction. If you'd actually like to move the needle on solving those issues, having a tantrum is not the path forward.