7 ms·

You can't keep them off it. If you don't provide them access, they can get access on their friend's devices. The key is education, you have to explain to your

You can't keep them off it. If you don't provide them access, they can get access on their friend's devices. The key is education, you have to explain to your kids how these services works, how they are optimized for content engagement to show ads, how they mine your data, and what kinds of things they should look out for and avoid (like misinformation, catfishing, grooming, viral stupidity etc)

biohax2015 3y ago
As if an 11-year-old will absorb any of that...
- harvey9 3y ago
  There was no internet when I was 11 and we still managed to think of stupid and dangerous things to do.
  - ilyt 3y ago
    We sneaked into local military training compound to look for bullet casings (coz guns and cool) at that age. We'd be far fucking safer if we played online games instead lmao. We also hitch-hiked to save bus money parents gave us to get some ice cream
- DubiousPusher 3y ago
  Not in those words no. I have an ongoing conversation with mine about the things he finds online. We talk about how people try to benefit from appearing "rich" online. We talk about how people have problems in their lives and find things to blame and rant about online. We talk about how people you don't know can try to get things from you or make you think a certain way. He even started using the term "clickbait" before I even taught it to him. These kids are savy. I think the biggest thing we can do for them is to help them understand how to contextualize what they're engaging with because they don't get to grow up in the "before" and "after" worlds that elder millennials did. And frankly, I see that my kid is just as saturated in propaganda from his public school as he is from online media. So far, in parallel to his education, school seems to be running one giant ad for the US armed forces.
- vorpalhex 3y ago
  They will if you explain it to them. I do mean explain and not command. Sit down with them and go through tiktok or insta. Point out dark patterns, bad content. Answer their questions truthfully. Sometimes the truthful answer is "I don't know".
  - 2OEH8eoCRo0 3y ago
    Then they goto school and their friends say their parents are fucking jackasses and then they're bullied.
    - vorpalhex 3y ago
      Talk through it. The field you want is "family dynamics". If things are already off the rails, find a mediator (doesn't have to be an actual legal mediator). 1. Understand their viewpoint and give them the tools to understand yours 2. Find common ground and define the areas of conflict 3. Reassure and reaffirm relationship 4. Repeat
      - 2OEH8eoCRo0 3y ago
        I don't use TikTok or Insta, do I have to install them for this demonstration? Can I just ban them in my household or via parental controls?
- KaiserPro 3y ago
  I first got the internet at in 1995. I had the internet for a while when I turned 11. My parents were pretty clear about what was good/bad. "you can see all sorts of stuff on the internet. But first things first, never use your real name or address. Second, we can totally see what youre looking at." For me that worked. For my older sister, she still tried to run off with a bloke she met off a chat room. so you cant win them all.
- tracker1 3y ago
  You'd be surprised what an 11 year old can understand when you talk to them like a person.
throw_pm23 3y ago
You are right in the second part, but the first part is unnecessarily defeatist. You could say the same about alcohol and smoking, "they will anyway try it with friends", yet it still makes sense to keep children away from it or postpone it. While you cannot keep kids away from it forever, it makes a lot of difference when they are exposed to it and how well-equipped they are to deal with it.
majormajor 3y ago
"You can't keep kids from drinking alcohol, they can get it from their friends parents." This is also a true statement, but happens far less than it does with social media (or other violent or otherwise undesired media). That's not currently what people want, but I think it could change it the future. But at the same time, there is a particular American quality of stubborness/pride that will probably push back "we have the right to keep hurting ourselves even though we don't really want to, but are being manipulated by algorithmic attention-fixation tricks!"
- ilyt 3y ago
  >"You can't keep kids from drinking alcohol, they can get it from their friends parents." >This is also a true statement, but happens far less than it does with social media (or other violent or otherwise undesired media). There is a difference between parent giving kid a lesson about alcohol (which the poster above is proposing), and just starting to drink with your underage kid (which you are comparing to)
  - majormajor 3y ago
    I'm not saying a parent would start drinking with their underage kids, I'm saying kids can often get alcohol themselves from their friends parents (either directly or indirectly) even if their own parents tell them they shouldn't drink and don't give them any. It still happens, but it's a lot less socially acceptable, and it happens a lot less.
MandieD 3y ago
Getting access on their friends’ devices at least limits the amount of time they spend sucked into it alone - maybe my mother-in-law had some similar reasons for not allowing a TV in the house, but not particularly fretting over her kids watching TV at friends’ and relatives’ houses.
lnsru 3y ago
I am pretty sure, there are enough adults, that have no idea what social networks do. I am pretty sure also, that kids are not really ready for explanation of complex technical functionality. They do not have enough math background and probabilities come way too late in school.
- cloudking 3y ago
  I'm not suggesting doing a complex technical explanation, simply explaining to them at a high level how these products are advertising driven, how they can become addictive, what are the safety risks etc is better than not explaining anything to them.

biohax2015 3y ago

As if an 11-year-old will absorb any of that...

harvey9 3y ago
There was no internet when I was 11 and we still managed to think of stupid and dangerous things to do.
- ilyt 3y ago
  We sneaked into local military training compound to look for bullet casings (coz guns and cool) at that age. We'd be far fucking safer if we played online games instead lmao. We also hitch-hiked to save bus money parents gave us to get some ice cream
DubiousPusher 3y ago
Not in those words no. I have an ongoing conversation with mine about the things he finds online. We talk about how people try to benefit from appearing "rich" online. We talk about how people have problems in their lives and find things to blame and rant about online. We talk about how people you don't know can try to get things from you or make you think a certain way. He even started using the term "clickbait" before I even taught it to him. These kids are savy. I think the biggest thing we can do for them is to help them understand how to contextualize what they're engaging with because they don't get to grow up in the "before" and "after" worlds that elder millennials did. And frankly, I see that my kid is just as saturated in propaganda from his public school as he is from online media. So far, in parallel to his education, school seems to be running one giant ad for the US armed forces.
vorpalhex 3y ago
They will if you explain it to them. I do mean explain and not command. Sit down with them and go through tiktok or insta. Point out dark patterns, bad content. Answer their questions truthfully. Sometimes the truthful answer is "I don't know".
- 2OEH8eoCRo0 3y ago
  Then they goto school and their friends say their parents are fucking jackasses and then they're bullied.
  - vorpalhex 3y ago
    Talk through it. The field you want is "family dynamics". If things are already off the rails, find a mediator (doesn't have to be an actual legal mediator). 1. Understand their viewpoint and give them the tools to understand yours 2. Find common ground and define the areas of conflict 3. Reassure and reaffirm relationship 4. Repeat
    - 2OEH8eoCRo0 3y ago
      I don't use TikTok or Insta, do I have to install them for this demonstration? Can I just ban them in my household or via parental controls?
KaiserPro 3y ago
I first got the internet at in 1995. I had the internet for a while when I turned 11. My parents were pretty clear about what was good/bad. "you can see all sorts of stuff on the internet. But first things first, never use your real name or address. Second, we can totally see what youre looking at." For me that worked. For my older sister, she still tried to run off with a bloke she met off a chat room. so you cant win them all.
tracker1 3y ago
You'd be surprised what an 11 year old can understand when you talk to them like a person.

throw_pm23 3y ago

You are right in the second part, but the first part is unnecessarily defeatist. You could say the same about alcohol and smoking, "they will anyway try it with friends", yet it still makes sense to keep children away from it or postpone it. While you cannot keep kids away from it forever, it makes a lot of difference when they are exposed to it and how well-equipped they are to deal with it.

majormajor 3y ago

"You can't keep kids from drinking alcohol, they can get it from their friends parents." This is also a true statement, but happens far less than it does with social media (or other violent or otherwise undesired media). That's not currently what people want, but I think it could change it the future. But at the same time, there is a particular American quality of stubborness/pride that will probably push back "we have the right to keep hurting ourselves even though we don't really want to, but are being manipulated by algorithmic attention-fixation tricks!"

ilyt 3y ago
>"You can't keep kids from drinking alcohol, they can get it from their friends parents." >This is also a true statement, but happens far less than it does with social media (or other violent or otherwise undesired media). There is a difference between parent giving kid a lesson about alcohol (which the poster above is proposing), and just starting to drink with your underage kid (which you are comparing to)
- majormajor 3y ago
  I'm not saying a parent would start drinking with their underage kids, I'm saying kids can often get alcohol themselves from their friends parents (either directly or indirectly) even if their own parents tell them they shouldn't drink and don't give them any. It still happens, but it's a lot less socially acceptable, and it happens a lot less.

MandieD 3y ago

Getting access on their friends’ devices at least limits the amount of time they spend sucked into it alone - maybe my mother-in-law had some similar reasons for not allowing a TV in the house, but not particularly fretting over her kids watching TV at friends’ and relatives’ houses.

lnsru 3y ago

I am pretty sure, there are enough adults, that have no idea what social networks do. I am pretty sure also, that kids are not really ready for explanation of complex technical functionality. They do not have enough math background and probabilities come way too late in school.

cloudking 3y ago
I'm not suggesting doing a complex technical explanation, simply explaining to them at a high level how these products are advertising driven, how they can become addictive, what are the safety risks etc is better than not explaining anything to them.