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One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. The weekly hang is a socially porous experience, it has a fixed

One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. The weekly hang is a socially porous experience, it has a fixed location and fixed start time but everything else is improvised. Different people could dip in and out, people felt free to bring new friends, people they just started dating, friends from out of town etc. Some people came once and never again, others become regulars. The hallmark of a great weekly hang is that the entire initial cohort gets replaced but the weekly hang still persists. It's a commitment in time that "busy professionals" ostensibly had no time for which is why I think it was so unpopular in SF but it really killed a big part of the vibe of the city for me.

e40 4y ago
I think a weekly hang is really nice. My best friend and I would walk on Sunday morning. Did it for 8+ years until he fell ill and passed away. I really miss those Sundays.
bee_rider 4y ago
I’ve never heard of this sort of thing. It almost seems more like an informal club than a group of friends. (Not to knock the idea, it seems interesting).
- shalmanese 4y ago
  Really? I feel like every time I'm in another part of the country for more than a few days, one of my friends will invite me to their weekly hang and I get to meet a bunch of other cool folk.
  - rocketbop 4y ago
    I don’t live in the US but I’ve also never heard of this or really come across it. Is it about going to someone’s home? Or meeting at a bar? I can’t quite visualise what you’re talking about.
    - deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
- htag 4y ago
  Weekly hangs are real. I have started and participated in several. I think a key to a good group hang is to have an activity that serves as a base narrative for why everyone is together. The activity should be easy enough for newcomers to join in, and compelling enough to keep people coming back.
  - ryanmentor 4y ago
    Even something as simple at 'eating pizza' is enough of a frame to be useful
    - milkytron 4y ago
      This is exactly what my neighbor does. He makes some fantastic home made pizzas and invites over the neighbors every Friday. You're welcome to bring whoever, but the dude can only make so much pizza, so people try to be courteous.
  - washmyelbows 4y ago
    yup. weekly trivia nights at the pub did it for us. most of us are drinkers, but for those that aren't there's still dinner, a fun activity and good company
crazygringo 4y ago
I'm intrigued by this, I feel like I know a lot of people but I don't think I know anybody with anything like this. Closest is maybe a weekly book club but that's different. What kind of location -- is this a bar or a park or a brunch spot or something like bowling? How big is the group usually, like 6 or 20? Is it weekend afternoon or weekday evening? And how does it get started, does it just start organically or is it a group decision among a bunch of existing friends? I think I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it because if I go with friends for food it's always somewhere new, if it's an activity it's always different, and the idea of the exact same time and location every week seems like it would get dull quick. Maybe that's because I'm accustomed to the fact that in big cities the whole point is novelty, always something new to explore. The idea of a fixed time and a fixed location doesn't seem as compatible with that. Where did you find it successful pre-SF? Was it a mid-sized city thing, or a more country thing, or a college thing? I'm just so curious to know more.
- _AzMoo 4y ago
  I've done something like this at different points in the past. I once had a group where every Wednesday night we would meet at the same pub for some drinks and dinner with an open invitation for anybody that wanted to join. Some weeks there were 3 or 4 of us, some weeks there were 20. Had another group where every Saturday morning we would go to a different cafe for brunch. It was a smaller and less dynamic group, and we would organise the venue in a group chat throughout the week, but it wasn't a question of, "who wants to come this week?", it was just assumed we would all be there and phrased as, "Any objections to trying this place?" Mid-size city in Australia.
- Freire_Herval 4y ago
  Throughout my life this has mostly been my friend groups. It's really only sustainable with at most 6 people max or something like that. I think this is more inline with the way humans have evolved as we evolved in small local tribes (Not of 6 people, but in modern times it's hard to keep anything more than 6 from breaking up). This started out as several different friend groups when I grew up. Those evolved as time passed and then in college in the dorms we formed groups based off of proximity. Then after college I befriended a san francisco local and he introduced me to his childhood friend group he grew up with and I hung out with them for a number of years before leaving. After that it's been hard to find another group. I have found that proximity when eating is the best most consistent way to form friendships. If you always eat lunch or dinner consistently and often with the same set of people you guys will end up forming a bond. Even with your co-workers. If you want it outside of work I have found communal living spaces where there's a shared table for eating helps promote this. Very hard to do this when you get married. Also note that when the proximity ends, the connection tends to drift as well. You will find that this is not only consistent with friends but family as well.
yieldcrv 4y ago
I had in friends in SF that tried, I just couldn't get on board with their concept of fun I wasn't into board game night, I also tried DnD which was ok but what an arduous turn based system and ritual, the weeknight bars were meh (to me), weeknight nightlife was pathetic compared to actual “world class” cities, some of my friends did well in the bouldering scene, there was a time when I was interested in free pizza and accumulating AWS credits at tech mixers, but that got old quick. Turns out I don't like tech industry, I like money alongside the ability to build things myself. No big surprise there, just would have thought that the money in SF would have attracted more interesting and varied people.
- thimkerbell 4y ago
  Makerspace?
  - yieldcrv 4y ago
    Nope, guess thats just another symptom of the homogeneity if it looked that familiar
- jwmoz 4y ago
  Sounds a bit too nerdy?
  - yieldcrv 4y ago
    Yes, it’s too nerdy, but some longer time residents will rant and rave about all the attractive women now in the city, as “tech” became more approachable as well as allure of money attracted more for other reasons But I personally find the bar to be low, “San Francisco 49ers” is still loudly proclaimed, its a derogatory rating system for women “4’s that think they are 9’s”. or “LA 4’s are SF 9’s”. Derogatory, but not inaccurate. I’m sure we can find a synonymous progressive way of acknowledging the exact same phenomenon. Then, even longer time residents speak of a mystical way more cooler version of San Francisco, with artists! except every currently nice neighborhood is described as a once dangerous ghetto, and nothing sounds appealing about that to me either.
- 4y ago
jvm___ 4y ago
Your local Facebook or meetup.com page probably has a running group that meets regularly. Look for the "Meet at 6:30am Friday morning in the parking lot by Starbucks" group. If you show up to that enough I guarantee you'll have 20-50 friends by the end of this year and attend a fun Christmas party where you know or can chat to multiple people.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  I challenge you to find this in Mountain View, California.
  - andrewfong 4y ago
    Seems to be a thing: https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/ https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.
      - manfre 4y ago
        Reach out to the group and see if you could lead a more casual run distance as part of their Wednesday run. The run groups I've been a part of were receptive to things like that. The more important aspect of the run was the general finish time and not the distance.
        jvm___ 4y ago
        This. Most groups are casual, but they all have their own styles. One is a trail run where we stop every mile or so for a few minute break (if needed). Another is a 'meet at starbucks at 8am and we'll see you at 9am for coffee' where everyone runs their own pace/distance, sometimes shared, sometimes not. Another is hill repeats where walking is also 'acceptable' and we chat at the bottom and top and wait for walkers so they don't feel alone (and we get more time to rest :) Just show up and try to improve yourself. Be friendly.
legerdemain 4y ago
IME, everything in SF that young people might want to go to is packed full of young people who made reservations a couple of weeks in advance. Not a lot of venues for drop-in occasions that accommodate 6-20 people dipping in and out. Edit: I can sort of imagine this happening at a bar with an unusually big patio, like SF's Zeitgeist. Not that Zeitgeist has a huge patio, it's just huge for the area. And if this gathering was always at a bar, I wouldn't go much, because I have a ton of trouble hearing people in bars.
- nrp 4y ago
  Dolores Park on any sunny afternoon.
  - thimkerbell 4y ago
    Yes, it should be at a park. What sort of activity?
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      The traditional activity in Dolores Park is sitting on a beach towel while smoking pot.
      - thimkerbell 4y ago
        Perhaps a different park then.
- sgt 4y ago
  > because I have a ton of trouble hearing people in bars Have you tried switching on subtitles?
RcouF1uZ4gsC 4y ago
> One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. What about a church? They do the weekly hang pretty much every Sunday.
- cableshaft 4y ago
  I have been tempted to look into this, I'll admit. I remember when I used to do Sunday youth group every week as a kid. If I could find a local one that just had a regular board game night or something I'd probably be down to give it a try.
  - prottog 4y ago
    If you find a traditional church to be a bit too heavy-handed on some current wedge issues for your liking, you might find a Unitarian Universalist church to be more like what you describe.
- irrational 4y ago
  I have met most of my friends through church. I have a board game group that meets every Monday night (best night for all of us) and everyone there first got to know each other at church.
velp 4y ago
This resonates with me. I found a group of folks I loosely knew in my neighborhood, and started doing an informal "Tuesday Night Dinner". There's about a dozen of us, and on any given week about 6-7 will get together, usually at someone's house, and do a potluck-style dinner. If people are busy, we do a "no pressure" takeout night, but the point is we do _something_ every Tuesday night. We've missed maybe a half dozen weeks in the past 2 years, and lots of folks have become friends outside of the group as well. It's been probably the single most enjoyable thing about the last few years living in Seattle

e40 4y ago

I think a weekly hang is really nice. My best friend and I would walk on Sunday morning. Did it for 8+ years until he fell ill and passed away. I really miss those Sundays.

bee_rider 4y ago

I’ve never heard of this sort of thing. It almost seems more like an informal club than a group of friends. (Not to knock the idea, it seems interesting).

shalmanese 4y ago
Really? I feel like every time I'm in another part of the country for more than a few days, one of my friends will invite me to their weekly hang and I get to meet a bunch of other cool folk.
- rocketbop 4y ago
  I don’t live in the US but I’ve also never heard of this or really come across it. Is it about going to someone’s home? Or meeting at a bar? I can’t quite visualise what you’re talking about.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
htag 4y ago
Weekly hangs are real. I have started and participated in several. I think a key to a good group hang is to have an activity that serves as a base narrative for why everyone is together. The activity should be easy enough for newcomers to join in, and compelling enough to keep people coming back.
- ryanmentor 4y ago
  Even something as simple at 'eating pizza' is enough of a frame to be useful
  - milkytron 4y ago
    This is exactly what my neighbor does. He makes some fantastic home made pizzas and invites over the neighbors every Friday. You're welcome to bring whoever, but the dude can only make so much pizza, so people try to be courteous.
- washmyelbows 4y ago
  yup. weekly trivia nights at the pub did it for us. most of us are drinkers, but for those that aren't there's still dinner, a fun activity and good company

crazygringo 4y ago

I'm intrigued by this, I feel like I know a lot of people but I don't think I know anybody with anything like this. Closest is maybe a weekly book club but that's different. What kind of location -- is this a bar or a park or a brunch spot or something like bowling? How big is the group usually, like 6 or 20? Is it weekend afternoon or weekday evening? And how does it get started, does it just start organically or is it a group decision among a bunch of existing friends? I think I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it because if I go with friends for food it's always somewhere new, if it's an activity it's always different, and the idea of the exact same time and location every week seems like it would get dull quick. Maybe that's because I'm accustomed to the fact that in big cities the whole point is novelty, always something new to explore. The idea of a fixed time and a fixed location doesn't seem as compatible with that. Where did you find it successful pre-SF? Was it a mid-sized city thing, or a more country thing, or a college thing? I'm just so curious to know more.

_AzMoo 4y ago
I've done something like this at different points in the past. I once had a group where every Wednesday night we would meet at the same pub for some drinks and dinner with an open invitation for anybody that wanted to join. Some weeks there were 3 or 4 of us, some weeks there were 20. Had another group where every Saturday morning we would go to a different cafe for brunch. It was a smaller and less dynamic group, and we would organise the venue in a group chat throughout the week, but it wasn't a question of, "who wants to come this week?", it was just assumed we would all be there and phrased as, "Any objections to trying this place?" Mid-size city in Australia.
Freire_Herval 4y ago
Throughout my life this has mostly been my friend groups. It's really only sustainable with at most 6 people max or something like that. I think this is more inline with the way humans have evolved as we evolved in small local tribes (Not of 6 people, but in modern times it's hard to keep anything more than 6 from breaking up). This started out as several different friend groups when I grew up. Those evolved as time passed and then in college in the dorms we formed groups based off of proximity. Then after college I befriended a san francisco local and he introduced me to his childhood friend group he grew up with and I hung out with them for a number of years before leaving. After that it's been hard to find another group. I have found that proximity when eating is the best most consistent way to form friendships. If you always eat lunch or dinner consistently and often with the same set of people you guys will end up forming a bond. Even with your co-workers. If you want it outside of work I have found communal living spaces where there's a shared table for eating helps promote this. Very hard to do this when you get married. Also note that when the proximity ends, the connection tends to drift as well. You will find that this is not only consistent with friends but family as well.

yieldcrv 4y ago

I had in friends in SF that tried, I just couldn't get on board with their concept of fun I wasn't into board game night, I also tried DnD which was ok but what an arduous turn based system and ritual, the weeknight bars were meh (to me), weeknight nightlife was pathetic compared to actual “world class” cities, some of my friends did well in the bouldering scene, there was a time when I was interested in free pizza and accumulating AWS credits at tech mixers, but that got old quick. Turns out I don't like tech industry, I like money alongside the ability to build things myself. No big surprise there, just would have thought that the money in SF would have attracted more interesting and varied people.

thimkerbell 4y ago
Makerspace?
- yieldcrv 4y ago
  Nope, guess thats just another symptom of the homogeneity if it looked that familiar
jwmoz 4y ago
Sounds a bit too nerdy?
- yieldcrv 4y ago
  Yes, it’s too nerdy, but some longer time residents will rant and rave about all the attractive women now in the city, as “tech” became more approachable as well as allure of money attracted more for other reasons But I personally find the bar to be low, “San Francisco 49ers” is still loudly proclaimed, its a derogatory rating system for women “4’s that think they are 9’s”. or “LA 4’s are SF 9’s”. Derogatory, but not inaccurate. I’m sure we can find a synonymous progressive way of acknowledging the exact same phenomenon. Then, even longer time residents speak of a mystical way more cooler version of San Francisco, with artists! except every currently nice neighborhood is described as a once dangerous ghetto, and nothing sounds appealing about that to me either.
4y ago

jvm___ 4y ago

Your local Facebook or meetup.com page probably has a running group that meets regularly. Look for the "Meet at 6:30am Friday morning in the parking lot by Starbucks" group. If you show up to that enough I guarantee you'll have 20-50 friends by the end of this year and attend a fun Christmas party where you know or can chat to multiple people.

legerdemain 4y ago
I challenge you to find this in Mountain View, California.
- andrewfong 4y ago
  Seems to be a thing: https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/ https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.
    - manfre 4y ago
      Reach out to the group and see if you could lead a more casual run distance as part of their Wednesday run. The run groups I've been a part of were receptive to things like that. The more important aspect of the run was the general finish time and not the distance.
      - jvm___ 4y ago
        This. Most groups are casual, but they all have their own styles. One is a trail run where we stop every mile or so for a few minute break (if needed). Another is a 'meet at starbucks at 8am and we'll see you at 9am for coffee' where everyone runs their own pace/distance, sometimes shared, sometimes not. Another is hill repeats where walking is also 'acceptable' and we chat at the bottom and top and wait for walkers so they don't feel alone (and we get more time to rest :) Just show up and try to improve yourself. Be friendly.

legerdemain 4y ago

IME, everything in SF that young people might want to go to is packed full of young people who made reservations a couple of weeks in advance. Not a lot of venues for drop-in occasions that accommodate 6-20 people dipping in and out. Edit: I can sort of imagine this happening at a bar with an unusually big patio, like SF's Zeitgeist. Not that Zeitgeist has a huge patio, it's just huge for the area. And if this gathering was always at a bar, I wouldn't go much, because I have a ton of trouble hearing people in bars.

nrp 4y ago
Dolores Park on any sunny afternoon.
- thimkerbell 4y ago
  Yes, it should be at a park. What sort of activity?
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    The traditional activity in Dolores Park is sitting on a beach towel while smoking pot.
    - thimkerbell 4y ago
      Perhaps a different park then.
sgt 4y ago
> because I have a ton of trouble hearing people in bars Have you tried switching on subtitles?

RcouF1uZ4gsC 4y ago

> One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. What about a church? They do the weekly hang pretty much every Sunday.

cableshaft 4y ago
I have been tempted to look into this, I'll admit. I remember when I used to do Sunday youth group every week as a kid. If I could find a local one that just had a regular board game night or something I'd probably be down to give it a try.
- prottog 4y ago
  If you find a traditional church to be a bit too heavy-handed on some current wedge issues for your liking, you might find a Unitarian Universalist church to be more like what you describe.
irrational 4y ago
I have met most of my friends through church. I have a board game group that meets every Monday night (best night for all of us) and everyone there first got to know each other at church.

velp 4y ago

This resonates with me. I found a group of folks I loosely knew in my neighborhood, and started doing an informal "Tuesday Night Dinner". There's about a dozen of us, and on any given week about 6-7 will get together, usually at someone's house, and do a potluck-style dinner. If people are busy, we do a "no pressure" takeout night, but the point is we do _something_ every Tuesday night. We've missed maybe a half dozen weeks in the past 2 years, and lots of folks have become friends outside of the group as well. It's been probably the single most enjoyable thing about the last few years living in Seattle