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I agree social dynamics are more complex than this (potentially childish) analysis. Though I mentioned humour and fitting in, you're right that I didn’t really

I agree social dynamics are more complex than this (potentially childish) analysis. Though I mentioned humour and fitting in, you're right that I didn’t really address the use of profanity to build rapport/break down formality/establish intimacy, and adjust the tone of a conversation in other ways. (Some aspects of that were on my list of things to add, but I never got around to it.) > I get the feeling this guy doesn’t have too many close friends. Thankfully, despite this essay & other indications to the contrary, I have a reasonable number of wonderful close friends (I’m sometimes as surprised as you), some of whom swear, and some of whom don't. I sometimes appreciate swearing, and sometimes find it grating. But I find that overuse of swearing usually detracts from a conversation, which is why I wrote up my argument for why there are potentially maybe possibly valid philosophical and pragmatic reasons for adults to consider swearing less.

Nevermark 4y ago
> But I find that overuse of swearing usually detracts from a conversation A reasonable concern. But don’t get carried away. We don’t need under use either! When my kids were young I told then that swear words were not inherently bad, but needed to be used appropriately. And I told them I couldn’t let them use them because they were not ready for that nuance, but also culturally, young children swearing was not a path to youthful success. One day driving two of them through town, my son mentioned that one of his friends said a bad word. I asked him which one, and he said “You know … fuh…!” He got his meaning across, and I was about to so “oh, ok” when his sister blurted out “kuh!” My son looked at her with surprise and admiration, and proceeded to exclaim “fuh” again, followed by his sister in what became an instant chanting game. I had to use my outdoor voice to get them to stop. My son pleaded with me. “We aren’t actually saying it, Dad!” But I told them I couldn’t allow it. He cried! I think he was four. I tried to be serious and empathetic. But no loop holes.
xmonkee 4y ago
I'm sorry about that last quip. Don't know why I said that. Probably reminded me of some people I don't like IRL.

Nevermark 4y ago

> But I find that overuse of swearing usually detracts from a conversation A reasonable concern. But don’t get carried away. We don’t need under use either! When my kids were young I told then that swear words were not inherently bad, but needed to be used appropriately. And I told them I couldn’t let them use them because they were not ready for that nuance, but also culturally, young children swearing was not a path to youthful success. One day driving two of them through town, my son mentioned that one of his friends said a bad word. I asked him which one, and he said “You know … fuh…!” He got his meaning across, and I was about to so “oh, ok” when his sister blurted out “kuh!” My son looked at her with surprise and admiration, and proceeded to exclaim “fuh” again, followed by his sister in what became an instant chanting game. I had to use my outdoor voice to get them to stop. My son pleaded with me. “We aren’t actually saying it, Dad!” But I told them I couldn’t allow it. He cried! I think he was four. I tried to be serious and empathetic. But no loop holes.

xmonkee 4y ago

I'm sorry about that last quip. Don't know why I said that. Probably reminded me of some people I don't like IRL.