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If you want those people to like you, you have to be relaxed and confident, which means you have to genuinely enjoy and be good at the thing. I like & am good a
by closeparen 4y ago
If you want those people to like you, you have to be relaxed and confident, which means you have to genuinely enjoy and be good at the thing. I like & am good at a reasonable spread of activities, some of which I can even do with friends, but the only ones that bring me new connections are work or work-adjacent. The activities known for meeting people contain nothing I'd actually do for its own sake.
Maybe nerdy people's choices of solo hobbies are downstream of social anxiety or social skills deficits. I've made a ton of progress there in my twenties, and there's no movement in my desire to go dancing or pottery-making or whatever, so I dunno.
I also think there's also some kind of subconscious relationship between social status and taste, such that most people end up with preferences that feel real and also just so happen to help them connect with their peer group. I mean, how is it that so many teenagers become obsessed with the same music their friends do? Music is between me and Spotify, alone in my room at night. I go to a concert & see people there who look like me, but not a single acquaintance in my Facebook social graph would have the artist in common (even back when that was a thing) so who am I going to invite?
I won't sit here and pretend to have totally authentic and uninfluenced preferences. But the ones I can trace, I trace to like, my dad. Or Hacker News. Seems like that mechanism misfired.
- zamnos 4y ago> not a single acquaintance in my Facebook social graph would have the artist in common Doesn't matter, invite them anyway. Explain your circumstances - that you're looking to get out of the house and you really like the artist and enjoy the vibe of said person you're talking to. Repeat until you get a yes. If you get a rejection, say that you're trying to be more social and just want to get out and meet people as friends, because they have friends. Tell them why you like that artist and that they should give them a listen and see what they think. Some people enjoy discovering new music and will appreciate your introduction to a really awesome band they've never heard of before.
- watwut 4y agoI think that big issue in "nerd" circles is the tendency to believe that everyone who attempts to engage in something they don't have as core hobby, is a beginner, is only dabbling in or is just checking out or purely for socializing is a poser doing something wrong. So, they avoid trying to engage in other activities and treat newbies with suspicion. Outside of "nerd" circles, it is normal to engage in activities for social reasons only. > I mean, how is it that so many teenagers become obsessed with the same music their friends do? Their friends recommend them music and they check it out. They recommend music to friends. They engage with music friends like unless they absolutely hate it. Algorithms show them similar music too. They go to concerts of artists they know nothing about, just to be there with friends.
- JohnFen 4y ago> engage in something they don't have as core hobby, is a beginner, is only dabbling in or is just checking out or purely for socializing is a poser doing something wrong. Have those people forgotten that for literally everything they do now, they started as a clueless newbie just checking it out? Amazing.
- JohnFen 4y ago> If you want those people to like you, you have to be relaxed and confident, which means you have to genuinely enjoy and be good at the thing. I would say you should enjoy doing the thing, but you don't have to be even a little good at it.