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First off, bravo for sharing. Much respect. That said, this is borderline navel gazing. Stop thinking about "what it's like to go swimming" and jump in the lak
by aschearer 4y ago
First off, bravo for sharing. Much respect.
That said, this is borderline navel gazing. Stop thinking about "what it's like to go swimming" and jump in the lake. Yes, you'll get wet, look stupid, and make a mess. There's no way around that. The sooner the better.
If you need to reason yourself into the water, I recommend "The Village Effect." Statistically, humans fair better with a rich tapestry of relationships. Are you ready to bet your life on being the exception? Move over, Pascal.
More pointedly, can you really say you've examined life and lived it fully if you've never shared it intimately with another person? Can someone say they understand the world if they've never left their home? Do you want to be that person?
- MuffinFlavored 4y ago> yes you’ll look stupid i wouldn’t under estimate how crippling of a fear this is. you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!”
- JCharante 4y agodepression and shyness are not the same, get drunk and go act stupid like everybody else
- throwshame 4y agoI'm over 30. 2 years ago I was drunk, on coke and had a girl naked in front of me saying "Fuck me" and I still managed to botch it. This only happened once I normally manage to run as soon as I sense that a girl may be interested in me. It's not easy for some people.
- bionsystem 4y agoI've been in some analog situations. Heck, even recently a woman whom I've known from work a few years back emailed me with some nice words, a will to reconnect and her number, and I haven't even replied to her. On another hand, I feel a bit like the blog post, in that I'm not extra motivated into trying this, maybe also a bit worried to break somebody's heart (this includes, potentially, mine), or to be stuck in a situation I don't really like for too long. If I think through that deeply I'm not sure I even find that much upside. Anyway I really like his wording, it speaks to me quite a bit.
- JCharante 4y agoI wasn't imagining that scenario to be very honest, I was more imagining saying hi to a group of strangers at a pub.
- mcv 4y ago> you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!” Lots of people do, though. Unfortunately.
- rchaud 4y agoYou will inevitably make yourself look stupid in a relationship or even on a date. Not getting in there now is just delaying the inevitable. However crippling it is, you will have to face it one day. It's not the same as trying to command yourself into feeling better.
- aschearer 4y agoSpeaking personally, oftentimes I truly want something but am afraid to fail and look stupid in the process. Laboring under a false sense of indifference is terrible, though. It’s inauthentic. Living like that is uncomfortable. So for the author, and whomever else, I'd ask, are you being honest with yourself or are you turning away from fear? Either something is worth the risk, galvanizing yourself, and taking your shot whatever the results, or it’s not. If it’s the later, let it go and move on. If you can’t move on, why not? Are you being honest with yourself? Deep down, you know the answer, because it’s a feeling. An intuition. Ambivalence. Living in between these two states is painful. You’re attached to something but scared to reach out for it. It’s life under tension. At a certain point, you can't resolve this tension by sitting in place and thinking deeply. You're not just a mind. You have to use your body, too.
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- LukasRos 4y agoThank you for the kudos, the book recommendation, and the really good question!
- Patrones555 4y ago> Statistically, humans fair better with a rich tapestry of relationships correlation is not causation