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> I don't see a point of any questions like that it's a discussion starter. The point is to start the discussion. It often works. > Asking these is always int

by jraph 4y ago

> I don't see a point of any questions like that it's a discussion starter. The point is to start the discussion. It often works. > Asking these is always intrusive, you might not think so if you are fully comfortable talking about what you do or where you're from etc, but that's not all people. Ok, that's another argument than "it's lazy". I can see it, especially when people are unemployed, they often feel ashamed. On the other hand, isn't it a risk with any personal question? Aren't people used to handle these questions anyway? (I otherwise agree that asking about the job is not the best thing to do anyway)

throwaway290 4y ago
> it's a discussion starter Anything can be a discussion starter, even "weather is nice", and a lot of it is less privileged/entitled/profiling/inquisitive sounding. Actually, "what do you do" is as often a non-starter for me if the person tells me about something I am not interested in and it sucks to have to feign interest. It's much better to ask something pertaining to a shared interest. If you actually pay attention you may notice things around the person that reflect their interests, ask about that. > On the other hand, isn't it a risk with any personal question? Nah, only those that concern social status, something you cannot change about yourself (origin) or something that could put you in danger (where you live). In a casual setting I don't see any point of those questions except to assert oneself. If you don't expect it you would be uncomfortable but would have to suck it up and reply or be confrontational and reveal insecurity. Sure sometimes it's fun to think of creative ways of answering this questions without answering them but who are you to put me on the spot to do it in real time while watching me? We are all just trying to have a good time.
- verelo 4y ago
  I think the reason i say it’s lazy is because I often end up feeling like they didn’t care, they just asked to fill the void. I’d love to have a real conversation about anything really. Ask me about my favourite place to eat, what my opinion is on a new product on the market, tell me about a book you’re reading and why it’s interesting…all works for me. The what do you do thing, it’s loaded with other elements; who makes more, who do you know, should i respect you. I could brag pretty hard if that’s the game we are playing, but honestly for new authentic connections, I’d like to stay away from that stuff at least for a while. It’s unavoidable, it’ll come up, but i love trying hard to delay it.

by jraph 4y ago

throwaway290 4y ago

> it's a discussion starter Anything can be a discussion starter, even "weather is nice", and a lot of it is less privileged/entitled/profiling/inquisitive sounding. Actually, "what do you do" is as often a non-starter for me if the person tells me about something I am not interested in and it sucks to have to feign interest. It's much better to ask something pertaining to a shared interest. If you actually pay attention you may notice things around the person that reflect their interests, ask about that. > On the other hand, isn't it a risk with any personal question? Nah, only those that concern social status, something you cannot change about yourself (origin) or something that could put you in danger (where you live). In a casual setting I don't see any point of those questions except to assert oneself. If you don't expect it you would be uncomfortable but would have to suck it up and reply or be confrontational and reveal insecurity. Sure sometimes it's fun to think of creative ways of answering this questions without answering them but who are you to put me on the spot to do it in real time while watching me? We are all just trying to have a good time.

verelo 4y ago
I think the reason i say it’s lazy is because I often end up feeling like they didn’t care, they just asked to fill the void. I’d love to have a real conversation about anything really. Ask me about my favourite place to eat, what my opinion is on a new product on the market, tell me about a book you’re reading and why it’s interesting…all works for me. The what do you do thing, it’s loaded with other elements; who makes more, who do you know, should i respect you. I could brag pretty hard if that’s the game we are playing, but honestly for new authentic connections, I’d like to stay away from that stuff at least for a while. It’s unavoidable, it’ll come up, but i love trying hard to delay it.