7 ms·

Secret life hack: you don't have to answer "what do you do?" by talking about your job. You can talk about literally anything else that you do, preferably somet

• flybrand 4y ago
  My wife and I’s favorite game when meeting new people is to try and go as long as possible without talking about our work or asking about theirs. It makes it so much more interesting when careers / jobs finally enter the dialog.
  • clnq 4y ago
    Around a decade ago, I stopped asking people the basic questions, like what they do, where they're from, how old they are, or their gender and pronouns when that is unclear. I find that it's irrelevant and will bias the relationship for no good reason. I had a good friend with whom I mostly kept in touch over the phone and online for many years, and I didn't know their name until they died and I got a call from their relatives. I still don't know what their profession was. Just connect and engage with people, and have fun. It's a lot easier to make friends when you drop these arbitrary filters of age, profession, place of origin, gender, and so on. And in some ways, in the time I've spent not trying to get those details anymore, they have become irrelevant to me.
    • tpoacher 4y ago
      You still need a topic though. It's one thing to advise people what to avoid, and a completely different thing to give ideas what they could talk about to break the ice instead. Otherwise it's like: "So, do you like coffee?" "No." "Ah. ... [tumbleweed] ... so, what do you do for a living?"
    • cj 4y ago
      Not to sound insensitive, but how is it possible to consider someone a good friend without knowing the person’s name?
      • yardstick 4y ago
        Presumably they referred to each other by their online pseudonyms.
      • doubled112 4y ago
        One of my good friends and I clicked immediately, but I think we went a week or three before we thought “oh, what’s this guy’s name?” It could even have been my wife asking me, and me not knowing that triggered finding out. Every class together, bike trails, considerable conversation. Never came up, neither of us thought to ask. We laugh about it now. We both are better at it now, but it is probably a great example of social inept people finding one another and being just fine.
      • clnq 4y ago
        As many are guessing, I only knew their online handle and they only knew mine. That was fine, it didn't impact our friendship in any kind of negative way.
    • leroy-is-here 4y ago
      How did you manage to have a phone friend without knowing their name? You’re gonna have to tell that story. I absolutely agree btw, people are more than just their job. And most hate, or are disinterested, in their work. I’m interested them _them_, not their occupation. But it’s no secret that many, especially here, make their occupation a fundamental aspect of themselves.
      • fxtentacle 4y ago
        Nickname? There's one guy in my friends group and everyone calls him by his LARP character name. He probably mentioned his real name years ago, but why bother remembering it?
        • leroy-is-here 4y ago
          Damn, that should’ve been obvious because of where we are. I even have friends like this — I was thinking about not knowing a name, period.
      • c22 4y ago
        For a few years I had a random number that would text me on major holidays to wish me a happy whatever. I'd return the sentiment and sometimes we'd talk more, a few times we ended up in long back and forth text threads that lasted a couple days. At some point I admitted that I didn't know who they were and asked their name, it turned out they thought I was someone else and they had the wrong number. After that I stopped hearing from them. I tried reaching out on a couple more holidays but they just ghosted me.
        • leroy-is-here 4y ago
          That’s a real shame. Sometimes people need a reason, other than friendship, to be friends.
• blitzar 4y ago
  Most of the time people steer the conversation right back to the two big hitters - how much money do you make and who are you sleeping with. To those that dont - you are truly the people I actually want to have a conversation with.
  • capableweb 4y ago
    I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the people you end up talking with bring up those two subjects.
    • blitzar 4y ago
      People dont ask these things directly ... asking what you do for a living is asking how much money you make. > 16 years old Back then they asked what your parents did for a living
      • boredemployee 4y ago
        I have a genuine interest to know what people do for a living, I don't really care about their paycheck. I always find interesting how people try to tell how their jobs are interesting but in the end we all know it is boring as hell. It's amazing how we are willing to do shit stuff so we can be able to pay our bills.
        • blitzar 4y ago
          The most interesting of 'genuine interest to know what people do for a living' converstations I have had are with parents of late teen parents ... who want to guide their children towards careers or advice about careers (almost always includes - "there is good money in that" so the same rule applies all the same).
• capableweb 4y ago
  Yup, this is what I do when asked that question, I just start talking about my hobbies instead of what I get paid by others to do. Then I ask them what their passion is, which tends to be much more interesting than what they spend their work-days on.
• zafka 4y ago
  When I used to get asked: "What do you do?" quite often, I would reply: "I plant flowers". Funny thing is, I still do - but now that I am not in prime "rat race" age, I have slipped away from that answer and usually just answer Med Tech developer" or such.