4 ms·

> instead it assumes it's 'all your fault' Actually, that assumption is very much not part of AA, and very much not part of the 12 steps as they're usually und

> instead it assumes it's 'all your fault' Actually, that assumption is very much not part of AA, and very much not part of the 12 steps as they're usually understood. For example, take step 1. "Admit you have a problem." You seem to be saying that admitting a problem is the same as blaming oneself. NOT TRUE. In fact, one of the most important things to acknowledge is that it's not your fault. It's just a disease. And, like any disease, there are idiosyncrasies to treating it that will be different from other diseases.

somewhereoutth 4y ago
but 4) 5) 6) are exactly blaming yourself. Indeed, they seem to focus on the bad things you have done (to others) as a result of your addiction, but with nothing about the cause of the addiction itself. Agree with step 1) - and 2) in many cases - but perhaps 3) should be about figuring out what's been behind it and trying to remove that stressor. And then maybe another step can consider the disease paradigm, as a self-reinforcing cycle (failure, self-loathing, self-medication, failure...)
- boplicity 4y ago
  > 4 - List all the complaints people have about you and analyze what you might be doing wrong That's not blaming yourself for alcoholism, which I think is the point your missing. > 5 - Share your failings, no matter how embarrassing, with a trusted other on the principle that confession is good for the soul and sunlight is the best disinfectant Again, this isn't about blaming yourself for your alcoholism AT ALL. This is about taking responsibility for bad behavior, which is often a very important catalyst for deciding to the the hard work of change. > 6 - Ask yourself if you're really willing to change. That's not a given. Maybe you aren't. Deciding whether or not you're ready to change is certainly not "blaming yourself." Most alcoholics have to spend quite a lot of time forgiving themselves and letting go of blame -- which is, I think, generally very well known to people in recovery communities, but perhaps not as well known outside of them.
  - somewhereoutth 4y ago
    You may not be blaming yourself for the addiction itself, but certainly you are blaming yourself (i.e. deciding that you are the problem and you need to change) for your actions under the addiction. I suspect for many that fine distinction would be lost, and it would be easy to fall into thinking that this is all my fault (and that I could do with a drink to get over it). Perhaps one of the steps should be to separate the causes of the addiction, from the effects of the addiction. Then it becomes much easier to come to terms with what you have done, as you can separate things that you had a choice over, vs things you did not. Of course I am taking the (modernist?) approach of 'to understand something is to control something'. Maybe that won't work for everyone, but I'd like to think it would work for many.
    - boplicity 4y ago
      > Of course I am taking the (modernist?) approach of 'to understand something is to control something'. This makes me think of the serenity prayer, which is such a huge part of AA -- and very much encouraging finding those important distinctions. > grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

somewhereoutth 4y ago

but 4) 5) 6) are exactly blaming yourself. Indeed, they seem to focus on the bad things you have done (to others) as a result of your addiction, but with nothing about the cause of the addiction itself. Agree with step 1) - and 2) in many cases - but perhaps 3) should be about figuring out what's been behind it and trying to remove that stressor. And then maybe another step can consider the disease paradigm, as a self-reinforcing cycle (failure, self-loathing, self-medication, failure...)

boplicity 4y ago
> 4 - List all the complaints people have about you and analyze what you might be doing wrong That's not blaming yourself for alcoholism, which I think is the point your missing. > 5 - Share your failings, no matter how embarrassing, with a trusted other on the principle that confession is good for the soul and sunlight is the best disinfectant Again, this isn't about blaming yourself for your alcoholism AT ALL. This is about taking responsibility for bad behavior, which is often a very important catalyst for deciding to the the hard work of change. > 6 - Ask yourself if you're really willing to change. That's not a given. Maybe you aren't. Deciding whether or not you're ready to change is certainly not "blaming yourself." Most alcoholics have to spend quite a lot of time forgiving themselves and letting go of blame -- which is, I think, generally very well known to people in recovery communities, but perhaps not as well known outside of them.
- somewhereoutth 4y ago
  You may not be blaming yourself for the addiction itself, but certainly you are blaming yourself (i.e. deciding that you are the problem and you need to change) for your actions under the addiction. I suspect for many that fine distinction would be lost, and it would be easy to fall into thinking that this is all my fault (and that I could do with a drink to get over it). Perhaps one of the steps should be to separate the causes of the addiction, from the effects of the addiction. Then it becomes much easier to come to terms with what you have done, as you can separate things that you had a choice over, vs things you did not. Of course I am taking the (modernist?) approach of 'to understand something is to control something'. Maybe that won't work for everyone, but I'd like to think it would work for many.
  - boplicity 4y ago
    > Of course I am taking the (modernist?) approach of 'to understand something is to control something'. This makes me think of the serenity prayer, which is such a huge part of AA -- and very much encouraging finding those important distinctions. > grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.