Suicidal is probably too strong a term. Addiction is a total mind f#*k because you can be totally rational, full of regret walking home from the ER and then thi

Suicidal is probably too strong a term. Addiction is a total mind f#*k because you can be totally rational, full of regret walking home from the ER and then think “hey a cold beer would be really delicious right now”. Then coming out of a blackout later like “hey, what happened?” It’s more of a head space where you don’t care whether or not you are alive tomorrow, and I definitely shouldn’t be doing this, but that’s a problem for tomorrow. If there’s even a brief moment of contemplation it is no match for the physical withdrawal that takes over from your rational mind, like a totally different person carjacking your your body at gunpoint with a sensible plan to save the day. The negotiation lasts less than one second. Frustration, bewilderment, terror, despair, oblivion, repeat. Recovery is not easy. It’s obviously a lot more complicated than “don’t do that, dummy!”, considering that message combined with gangrene loses the argument with the carjacker nine times out of ten. Edit: sober for 9 years (one day at a time).