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Help I'm Losing My Writing Ability
Hello everyone; I don't know if this question is in the right place or not, but I think that most of you would have probably experienced this at one point or another in your life, so do offer some wisdom and advice. However, if the content here is unsuitable, please remove it.
Anyways, here's the current situation that I'm facing:
* I was able to write very well since young (ever since I begin learning English), and my writing ability was well above the average. My style of writing was considered original and unique to me.
* I was able to compose essays and stories very fluidly and improvise plots and arguments in an ad hoc manner. However, this ability has recently deteriorated, and I find myself cracking my head open even for simple arguments and story-lines.
* When I wrote in the past, my pen moved almost as fast as the sentence forming in my head. My pen just had a mind of it's own, and I could enter a 'flow' basically 100% all the time. Suddenly everything has become very conscious and artificial. Now, I have to pause and think even about the minutest details, such as sentence structure, words to use, alphabets in the words, etc.
* My vocabulary was wide and far-ranging, and I often utilized five to six different words, all synonyms, to re-iterate the same point in an argument. Now, however, my vocabulary has suddenly dropped to one or two simple words. The words used to come naturally, now I have to try to think of it, and most often I cannot.
* I used to create very original metaphors and figurative language which my peers and teachers often thought as brilliant and ingenious. I somehow cannot think of anything, AT ALL, now.
* I could sensitively appreciate Literature in the past, and often wrote critical essays after reading a novel or story. Also, I leisurely authored essays and short-stories in my free time; now, I find no motivation and lack the necessary 'spark' even if I wanted to. The habit has all of a sudden become very foreign and alien to me.
* I'm very distressed with the problem. I can't even list down all the symptoms that I have. I can't describe this psychological torment. It's like whenever I write now I feel it's a chore, whereas in the past it came all natural and flowingly. Thesauruses have become more common and regular in the past few months.
The problem has been a recent one, persisting for the past two months already. Here's some other background information for diagnosis: I'm currently 16, and am studying for a national exams at the end of the year. Most of my subjects are very logical and scientific – Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Elementary and Higher Maths – with a few humanities, like English Literature and Geography.
A large portion of the education is memory work, except maybe for Literature (and Mathematics, to an extent). My native tongue has been and still is English. The education system in my country is very competitive and quite stressful at times.
I'm very agitated by this problem and I want to get to the root of it, which is why I need your help. I want to know how it began and how I should overcome it. I don't know if it's caused by stress, depression or maybe just some other ordinary problem.
I'd like to express my gratitude and thanks to whoever offering their help. Writing has always been my passion and a spirited endeavor for me, and I really don't want to see it just disappear overnight. I've been feeling really down these few weeks because of this.
Thanks. :)
- haploredux 15y agoOh and by the way I don't want to come off as being thought as a patronizing 'genius' or anything. I don't consider myself to be super-smart or have some prodigal intelligence, and my school isn't MENSA. I'm in an average high school. It's just that I feel my creative potential has been stifled. Thanks for understanding.
- jacquesm 15y agoI don't know if it is related or not, but I find my ability to use pens and pencils has greatly diminished since I started to use the keyboard. My handwriting was never great but over the years it has dropped to a level that is best described as illegible. I can type about as fast as I think, a speed that would be unattainable using a regular writing instrument based on re-creating memorized shapes using fine motor control. Maybe the slow-down that comes with using a 'real' pen or pencil for writing would give you the right frame of mind to unlock your inspiration. The short version: try writing in longhand, see if that helps!
- haploredux 15y agoThanks for the kind advice! I'll give longhand a try :) It seems like a good idea. Unfortunately, I've tried typing before. To give you an example, the question that I've just written took me about an hour to think and type through, while in the past something of that same length would have taken maybe about half an hour.
- yalimkgerger 15y agoI have the exact same problem. For all practical purposes I am illetarate without a keyboard.
- zeroboy 15y agoSounds like there's an ego issue here. Not ego as in "I'm so great, look at me" but ego as a self identity that wasn't there before. You're writing through a filter now (a personality you've constructed) whereas before you were writing in a selfless zen state. So relax. Stop thinking so much and start training your mind through meditation. Read the teachings of Buddha. You will be alright. In fact, you'll be better than alright. This is just a bump in the road.