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I've often wondered how many people do regret having children. I imagine it would be hard to come up with reliable statistics - nobody would want to admit that

by tmnvix 4y ago

I've often wondered how many people do regret having children. I imagine it would be hard to come up with reliable statistics - nobody would want to admit that out loud.

psychphysic 4y ago
I agree it's tricky. Having kids doesn't seem like the kind of thing you can really judge without having had kids. Especially since you're basically manipulated by biology once the process starts.
DaveExeter 4y ago
Some of them admit it on the internet. https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/ https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/
adamredwoods 4y ago
I think that it is difficult without a support network. Having extended families and a large property helps, and as a society we're moving away from both. I can see parental regret increasing for those struggling.
preommr 4y ago
You'd also have to factor in the personality of the kid. Some kids are so much easier to raise, it's not always a fair comparison.
- throwntoday 4y ago
  Their personality is a direct product of their environment. Shit parents make shit kids, it's nothing short of a miracle when a kid somehow sidesteps that fate and comes out a better person than their parents.
  - projectazorian 4y ago
    That’s very simplistic; there are way too many variables at play to make such a sweeping assertion. For one thing, most children born in the 80s (and especially the late 80s onward) had very little lead exposure in childhood, while almost all of their parents did.
  - meepmorp 4y ago
    Kids personalities are a weird and unpredictable blend of nature and nurture.
    - throwntoday 4y ago
      That is an easy way to deflect personal responsibility. Being a good person doesn't make you a good parent. All bad behavior barring mental disorders are caused by bad parenting, anyone who says otherwise is just unwilling to accept they did a bad job.
      - oefnak 4y ago
        So you believe all people are exactly identical when they are born, except those with mental illnesses? Because if you agree there'd variance, then you must agree that some kids would have more bad behaviour then others. Also, do you think mental illnesses are binary?
  - swedishfishes 4y ago
    [dead]
  - Auracle 4y ago
    ..have you never met siblings? Kids can be raised in exactly the same way and turn out vastly different. My wife is pretty similar to her siblings. I only share a couple of personality traits with my sister, and as such we’re very different people. Most of the research points to nature being way more heavily weighted than nurture. Most people don’t want to admit this. For parents it’s hard because you feel powerless. For everyone else they want to attribute their good/bad traits to how they were raised instead of attributing it to biology.
    - throwntoday 4y ago
      You presume every kid got the same treatment which is rarely the case.
lapcat 4y ago
> nobody would want to admit that out loud. You might be surprised. I've certainly heard it.
JohnFen 4y ago
I don't regret having children. I'd have no trouble admitting if I did (in this sort of pseudoanonymous forum, anyway). I am increasingly uneasy about it, though, because I feel I brought them into a world that is worse than the one I was in, and without an encouraging trendline in the medium term.
projectazorian 4y ago
At least two friends have admitted it to me, although it’s always been said ruefully or semi-jokingly, so can’t be certain they really meant it. I will say that I’ve never heard it from my wealthy friends. I imagine it’s a lot easier to not regret the decision when you can outsource childrearing from infancy onward, and spoil your children rather than deal with the drama that results from saying “no, we can’t afford that.”
hattmall 4y ago
Suicide rates are a pretty telling indicator. In some demographics it's more than double for the childless.
silisili 4y ago
As with everything in life, there are phases. When you're running on 2 hours sleep, overworked, and that baby is crying again... it's real easy to feel something akin to regret and even something similar to hate. Then it passes, and you see a smile or moment that makes you not able to imagine a world without. Funny things, those brains of ours. I bet some, very few, people do truly regret it. I best the vast majority of those who say they do will have a different answer if you ask again later.

by tmnvix 4y ago

I've often wondered how many people do regret having children. I imagine it would be hard to come up with reliable statistics - nobody would want to admit that out loud.

psychphysic 4y ago

I agree it's tricky. Having kids doesn't seem like the kind of thing you can really judge without having had kids. Especially since you're basically manipulated by biology once the process starts.

DaveExeter 4y ago

Some of them admit it on the internet. https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/ https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/

adamredwoods 4y ago

I think that it is difficult without a support network. Having extended families and a large property helps, and as a society we're moving away from both. I can see parental regret increasing for those struggling.

preommr 4y ago

You'd also have to factor in the personality of the kid. Some kids are so much easier to raise, it's not always a fair comparison.

throwntoday 4y ago
Their personality is a direct product of their environment. Shit parents make shit kids, it's nothing short of a miracle when a kid somehow sidesteps that fate and comes out a better person than their parents.
- projectazorian 4y ago
  That’s very simplistic; there are way too many variables at play to make such a sweeping assertion. For one thing, most children born in the 80s (and especially the late 80s onward) had very little lead exposure in childhood, while almost all of their parents did.
- meepmorp 4y ago
  Kids personalities are a weird and unpredictable blend of nature and nurture.
  - throwntoday 4y ago
    That is an easy way to deflect personal responsibility. Being a good person doesn't make you a good parent. All bad behavior barring mental disorders are caused by bad parenting, anyone who says otherwise is just unwilling to accept they did a bad job.
    - oefnak 4y ago
      So you believe all people are exactly identical when they are born, except those with mental illnesses? Because if you agree there'd variance, then you must agree that some kids would have more bad behaviour then others. Also, do you think mental illnesses are binary?
- swedishfishes 4y ago
  [dead]
- Auracle 4y ago
  ..have you never met siblings? Kids can be raised in exactly the same way and turn out vastly different. My wife is pretty similar to her siblings. I only share a couple of personality traits with my sister, and as such we’re very different people. Most of the research points to nature being way more heavily weighted than nurture. Most people don’t want to admit this. For parents it’s hard because you feel powerless. For everyone else they want to attribute their good/bad traits to how they were raised instead of attributing it to biology.
  - throwntoday 4y ago
    You presume every kid got the same treatment which is rarely the case.

lapcat 4y ago

> nobody would want to admit that out loud. You might be surprised. I've certainly heard it.

JohnFen 4y ago

I don't regret having children. I'd have no trouble admitting if I did (in this sort of pseudoanonymous forum, anyway). I am increasingly uneasy about it, though, because I feel I brought them into a world that is worse than the one I was in, and without an encouraging trendline in the medium term.

projectazorian 4y ago

At least two friends have admitted it to me, although it’s always been said ruefully or semi-jokingly, so can’t be certain they really meant it. I will say that I’ve never heard it from my wealthy friends. I imagine it’s a lot easier to not regret the decision when you can outsource childrearing from infancy onward, and spoil your children rather than deal with the drama that results from saying “no, we can’t afford that.”

hattmall 4y ago

Suicide rates are a pretty telling indicator. In some demographics it's more than double for the childless.

silisili 4y ago

As with everything in life, there are phases. When you're running on 2 hours sleep, overworked, and that baby is crying again... it's real easy to feel something akin to regret and even something similar to hate. Then it passes, and you see a smile or moment that makes you not able to imagine a world without. Funny things, those brains of ours. I bet some, very few, people do truly regret it. I best the vast majority of those who say they do will have a different answer if you ask again later.