4 ms·

Ask HN: How can someone increase their soft skills?

6 points by donnie12345 4y ago

taubek 4y ago
By attending course on soft skills, reading books, watching tutorials, etc. A good mentor can really help. I remember that on one course we were recording us and then we analyzed those recordings. This is a good method in my opinion.
PaulHoule 4y ago
helps a lot to be neurotypical, white, male, upper class, all that…. the more ‘different’ you are the less benefit you’ll get from that kind of training.
- ipnon 4y ago
  In the spirit of intellectual inquiry, it’s better to give general advice and let others decide whether it applies in their circumstance than to say many or most people should give up. It’s more fun to be optimistic!
- locococo 4y ago
  I would be interested to hear how you ended up with that conclusion, especially if it has any factual foundation.
  - PaulHoule 4y ago
    https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/careers/article-why-the-quest-for-good-soft-skills-can-often-be-the-same-as-looking/ https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/careers/article-why... https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/businessreview/2022/02/24/neurotypical-privilege-in-the-labour-market/ https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/businessreview/2022/02/24/neurotypic... https://www.techrepublic.com/article/some-thoughts-on-passing-as-an-extrovert/ https://www.techrepublic.com/article/some-thoughts-on-passin... https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0730888496023003002 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0730888496023003002 https://www.forbes.com/sites/the74/2019/02/15/whats-keeping-girls-from-translating-soft-skills-superiority-into-stem-field-success/?sh=259aea82d67b https://www.forbes.com/sites/the74/2019/02/15/whats-keeping-... That is, if your are different the quest for “soft skills” is a quest to lose yourself.
    - schwartzworld 4y ago
      I have ADHD and I found the second link particularly interesting. I think the point about deemphasizing soft skills makes a lot of sense from a hiring standpoint, especially in software engineering which can be quite hospitable to neurodivergence. However, the reality is that you are going to be communicating with neurotypical people more often than not, and I don't believe that telling people not to try and improve their ability to do that is constructive. It would be great if every workplace made it easy for you, but the reality is that they all won't.
softwaredoug 4y ago
Get into sales. It’s basically 100% soft skills.
- donnie12345 4y ago
  How and when to push back.... I have observed that you should have solid emotional intelligence so that you can handle different personalities. Any resources/books or leads on this topic ?
donnie12345 4y ago
How and when to push back.... I have observed that you should have solid emotional intelligence so that you can handle different personalities. Any resources/books or leads on this topic ?
Jemaclus 4y ago
Like any other skill, it all comes down to practice, practice, practice. There's no fast track to excellence. You need to just do whichever soft skill you want to master over and over again until it becomes second nature. It's a lot of work and will likely take you months or years to feel comfortable. That's okay. That's progress. The second major component is creating a feedback loop so that you can identify areas of improvement and determine whether your efforts are bearing fruit. Find someone you trust and get feedback. Accept that feedback. Act on that feedback. Put yourself out there and talk to as many people as you can about as many things as you can. Pay attention to their reactions, and adjust your own reactions and see how they go. There's a great book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, which is kind of old but the principles still apply today. It's a fantastic book that highlights a number of things that improve the soft skills thing. Pretty popular book and it's one of my favorites. Best of luck!

6 points by donnie12345 4y ago

By attending course on soft skills, reading books, watching tutorials, etc. A good mentor can really help. I remember that on one course we were recording us and then we analyzed those recordings. This is a good method in my opinion.

PaulHoule 4y ago

helps a lot to be neurotypical, white, male, upper class, all that…. the more ‘different’ you are the less benefit you’ll get from that kind of training.

ipnon 4y ago
In the spirit of intellectual inquiry, it’s better to give general advice and let others decide whether it applies in their circumstance than to say many or most people should give up. It’s more fun to be optimistic!
locococo 4y ago
I would be interested to hear how you ended up with that conclusion, especially if it has any factual foundation.
- PaulHoule 4y ago
  https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/careers/article-why-the-quest-for-good-soft-skills-can-often-be-the-same-as-looking/ https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/careers/article-why... https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/businessreview/2022/02/24/neurotypical-privilege-in-the-labour-market/ https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/businessreview/2022/02/24/neurotypic... https://www.techrepublic.com/article/some-thoughts-on-passing-as-an-extrovert/ https://www.techrepublic.com/article/some-thoughts-on-passin... https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0730888496023003002 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0730888496023003002 https://www.forbes.com/sites/the74/2019/02/15/whats-keeping-girls-from-translating-soft-skills-superiority-into-stem-field-success/?sh=259aea82d67b https://www.forbes.com/sites/the74/2019/02/15/whats-keeping-... That is, if your are different the quest for “soft skills” is a quest to lose yourself.
  - schwartzworld 4y ago
    I have ADHD and I found the second link particularly interesting. I think the point about deemphasizing soft skills makes a lot of sense from a hiring standpoint, especially in software engineering which can be quite hospitable to neurodivergence. However, the reality is that you are going to be communicating with neurotypical people more often than not, and I don't believe that telling people not to try and improve their ability to do that is constructive. It would be great if every workplace made it easy for you, but the reality is that they all won't.

softwaredoug 4y ago

Get into sales. It’s basically 100% soft skills.

donnie12345 4y ago
How and when to push back.... I have observed that you should have solid emotional intelligence so that you can handle different personalities. Any resources/books or leads on this topic ?

donnie12345 4y ago

How and when to push back.... I have observed that you should have solid emotional intelligence so that you can handle different personalities. Any resources/books or leads on this topic ?

Jemaclus 4y ago

Like any other skill, it all comes down to practice, practice, practice. There's no fast track to excellence. You need to just do whichever soft skill you want to master over and over again until it becomes second nature. It's a lot of work and will likely take you months or years to feel comfortable. That's okay. That's progress. The second major component is creating a feedback loop so that you can identify areas of improvement and determine whether your efforts are bearing fruit. Find someone you trust and get feedback. Accept that feedback. Act on that feedback. Put yourself out there and talk to as many people as you can about as many things as you can. Pay attention to their reactions, and adjust your own reactions and see how they go. There's a great book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, which is kind of old but the principles still apply today. It's a fantastic book that highlights a number of things that improve the soft skills thing. Pretty popular book and it's one of my favorites. Best of luck!