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This is backwards to human history. marriage within the tribe, caste, religion, etc. was preferred. The “knobs” were set by the families and matchmakers. The “l

This is backwards to human history. marriage within the tribe, caste, religion, etc. was preferred. The “knobs” were set by the families and matchmakers. The “love” marriage is more of an anomaly. Rather I’d say many people can make a relationship work and love is effort, not just “click”.

8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago
I actually agree with you if we look at this throughout the entire human history. Mating and romance being a necessary pairing seems like a recent phenomenon, the last 200 years or so?
closeparen 4y ago
It is possible for humans to survive and even overcome the hardship of effortfully maintaining loveless marriages, just as we can muddle through prison sentences or battles with cancer. People who needed partners in order to meet basic material needs just had to suck it up. In 2023, there is no reason to marry someone without profound and mutual love, and high confidence in the security and durability of that love. The horrifying, life-ruining, soul-eating catastrophe of loveless marriage is what makes it so beautiful and profound when people do chose to get married. That they feel confident enough to take that risk. It is a heartwarming display of optimism and faith.
- 8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago
  Yes, however, I suspect that (in the 21st century bourgeois West) we underestimate the ability for two people to learn to love each other profoundly in the context of an arranged marriage where choice is removed from them. I'd love to see statistics showing how longitudinal life satisfaction compares between societies where marriages are arranged and where there is total freedom of marriage partner choice.
fsckboy 4y ago
every culture through history has told love stories, so it simply couldn't have been that unusual. in a tribe or small town, for example, you've been together since you were kids, so even if your marriage was arranged, the arrangers knew the landscape. It's a lot easier to make an arrangement with the arrangees are not pissing and moaning.

8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago

I actually agree with you if we look at this throughout the entire human history. Mating and romance being a necessary pairing seems like a recent phenomenon, the last 200 years or so?

closeparen 4y ago

It is possible for humans to survive and even overcome the hardship of effortfully maintaining loveless marriages, just as we can muddle through prison sentences or battles with cancer. People who needed partners in order to meet basic material needs just had to suck it up. In 2023, there is no reason to marry someone without profound and mutual love, and high confidence in the security and durability of that love. The horrifying, life-ruining, soul-eating catastrophe of loveless marriage is what makes it so beautiful and profound when people do chose to get married. That they feel confident enough to take that risk. It is a heartwarming display of optimism and faith.

8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago
Yes, however, I suspect that (in the 21st century bourgeois West) we underestimate the ability for two people to learn to love each other profoundly in the context of an arranged marriage where choice is removed from them. I'd love to see statistics showing how longitudinal life satisfaction compares between societies where marriages are arranged and where there is total freedom of marriage partner choice.

fsckboy 4y ago

every culture through history has told love stories, so it simply couldn't have been that unusual. in a tribe or small town, for example, you've been together since you were kids, so even if your marriage was arranged, the arrangers knew the landscape. It's a lot easier to make an arrangement with the arrangees are not pissing and moaning.